This isn’t happening.
But it had happened and he’d never felt so alone in his life. Carly had gotten in her car and driven away from him a thousand times, but he always knew she was coming back.
This time, she wasn’t coming back.
He couldn’t sit in the middle of his driveway and cry, so Noah unloaded the four-wheelers and hosed them off. He tried not to think about when or even if Carly would ride hers again. But when he set her helmet on the shelf next to his, his hand lingered for a long moment on the black shell before dropping to his side.
He didn’t know how to do this—how to live his life without Carly in it—and it sucked.
It was so quiet. Carly sat on the edge of her grandfather’s dock, bare feet dangling over the water, and watched the sun setting over the lake.
Today had been the absolute worst. So bad, in fact, Zoe had shoved her out of the bookstore and told her to find someplace else to be miserable. And her grandfather had only joined her for a few minutes before he patted her hand and retreated back to the house.
Something had broken inside of her yesterday, out by the river with Noah, and she knew she had to sift through the pieces and start putting herself together. But it hurt so much.
She’d wanted to make love to him on the riverbank. When she’d felt his hand on her ass, her heart had soared because he wanted that, too. But she hadn’t been able to turn off the part of her brain that insisted it was a really bad idea.
Because Noah would move on—healwaysmoved on after a few months—and the fallout would be so much worse. Losing him now gutted her. Losing him later, when she was losing not only her best friend, but the man she’d started building future dreams around, would destroy her. She’d shut down, unable to articulate her fears and afraid to try and muck everything up worse.
Well, she couldn’t muck it up any worse than now, she thought, scooting back and pulling her feet up to the edge of the dock so she could wrap her arms around her legs and rest her chin on her knees.
A loon cried on the lake, a distinctive and mournful sound that echoed across the water, triggering the tears Carly had been forcing back all day.
She wasn’t sure how long she cried, but eventually she forced herself to pull it together. There was a good chance her grandfather was glancing out the window now and then to check on her, and the last thing she needed was to explain her heartbreak to him. It was bad enough she’d had to tell Zoe all about it during a late-night cryfest by phone.
She’d be okay, though. Eventually. She had her cousin and the bookstore. Maybe she’d find new hobbies and activities to do, since everything she did, she’d always done with Noah at her side.
Eventually the pain would fade. She’d be able to think about him—and maybe even see him—without sharp pains shooting through her heart. Someday they could even be friends again, though it would never be the same. It couldn’t be.
But she would be okay.
Then she heard Noah’s truck pull up to the house and all the emotional pieces she’d just barely managed to duct tape together fell apart again.
The low rumble of male voices—one her grandfather’s and the other Noah’s—brought her to her feet. She wasn’t sure where she was going to run, but she didn’t have the strength to face him right now.
Footsteps on the dock behind her told her it was too late, so she took a deep breath that didn’t do a damn thing to help, and then she turned to face him. He looked as exhausted and emotionally ravaged as she felt, and tears threatened to blur her vision until she blinked them away.
“I thought maybe I’d find you here,” he said in a low voice. His hands were shoved in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched. She’d helped Noah through a lot of crap in their lives, and she’d never seen him so beaten down. “I know you asked me to leave you alone, Carly, but I can’t. I can’t give you up.”
“I’m sorry I said that. I’m so sorry I left the way I did.” She sniffed and pressed her fingers under her eyes for a few seconds, determined not to cry. “I was afraid of everything changing and by the river I knew it had and... I just didn’t know what to do.”
“The only thing we can do is be honest with each other and put it all out there on the table.”
That’s what scared her. “But we already know we can’t go back.”
“I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward.” His shoulders straightened. “We have loved each other for our entire lives. It was a platonic love. And now it’s not. We love each other and then wemadelove and it was even better. Why are we fighting this?”
“You know we don’t want the same things. You know that.” She wanted to get married and start a family, and she knew Noah. Bringing up picket fences was a sure way to make him run.
“What Iknowis that you’re the only woman in my life I can’t live without. And I didn’t just figure that out today. I’ve always known that.” He paused, and she could see his throat work as he swallowed hard. “When something good happens, you’re the first person I want to tell. When something bad happens, you’re the person I need. No matter what I’m doing, you’re the person I want to be doing it with.”
“Because I’m your best friend.”
“Why do we keep saying that like it’s the reason we shouldn’t be together? That doesn’t even make sense. It’s the reason weshouldbe together.”
“Because if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t just be breaking up with a boyfriend, I’d be losing my best friend, too. It would hurt too much” she said. “And now I know just how much because last night and today hurt like hell. And sure, we’ve spent a hell of a lot more than a day apart before, but today was the first day we’ve spent apart knowing it wasn’t temporary.”
He closed the distance between them, though he didn’t touch her. “I love you, Carly. I always have. And I aminlove with you.”
