“Have you heard from Cross?” She noticed he didn’t bother denying it.
“A couple of voicemails and a few text messages. He misses me.” And missing him was so hard, she wasn’t sure she’d ever fully live her life again. It felt empty without him.
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“No,” she snapped. “Because he doesn’t miss meenough, does he?”
“He’s got a job to do, though. A career, and a team that depends on him. Just because he has to be in Baltimore doesn’t mean it has to be over.”
“If you’re going to sound like Dad and try to explain why hockey is more important than me but not to worry because I still matter even if I don’t feel like I do, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”
“Here’s the thing, though, Kris. Hockey didn’t make Dad an asshole. He’s...just an asshole.” He held up his hand. “Yes, I know he and I are close. I love the guy, and I appreciate everything he’s done for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see how he’s wired. It’s a shitty thing to say out loud, but even if I sucked at sports, he was always going to put me above you. Because you’re a girl.”
He wasn’t wrong, and Kristen blew out a sharp breath. “I’ve about had my fill of misogynistic douchebags.”
“Hockey’s my life, and Dad made it his life, too. It sucks we made it your life, too, but that’s not the game’s fault. That’s Dad and, yes, me. Maybe if Mom...”
He let the words trail away, and Kristen didn’t bother to rebut them. They both knew it wouldn’t have mattered if their mother hadn’t died. Lamont hadn’t valued his wife’s opinion any more than he valued his daughter’s.
“It almost sounds like youwantme to end up with the infamous Cross Lecroix,” she joked, hoping to lighten the mood even if she didn’t feel it. Her brother wasn’t going to leave until he thought she’d be okay, so she needed to pretend to be okay if she wanted to get back to staring at the blank TV screen.
Erik didn’t even smile. “I hate that fucking guy, but when you were with him, you were the happiest I’ve ever seen you. There was nothing fake about that.”
“No,” she admitted in a quiet voice. “There was nothing fake about my feelings for him.”
“I’m pretty sure he wasn’t faking, either.” She shook her head. “So, what happened?”
“Hockey happened.” She sighed and picked at her nail polish. There wasn’t much left of it. “Hockeyalwayshappens.”
“What does that mean, exactly? You didn’t even know he played hockey when you first hooked up, but you knew before you started feeling shit for him.” He paused, giving her a hard look. “Tell me you didn’t give him an ultimatum.”
“It’s not out of the question for a guy his age, who’s accomplished what he has, to consider retiring.”
“Kris.” He shook his head. “A guy with a career like his isn’t going to retire when he’s at a low point. He’s going to wait until he’s back at full strength—maybe even make another run at the Cup before he hangs up his skates, or it’ll just look like he couldn’t make it back.”
“That’s what he said.”
“And you framed it as a choice between you and his career?”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Kristen snapped, her patience for the conversation at an end. “Of course you’ll support him choosing his career since you chose yours over Andie, and she didn’t even ask you to retire. She just wanted you to make time for her when you weren’t on the ice.”
When some of the color drained from Erik’s face and his jaw clenched, guilt drowned out her anger. “I’m sorry, Erik.”
It had been almost three months since the woman Kristen had honestly believed would be her sister-in-law someday had gotten sick of fighting for Erik’s attention and walked away. And Lamont hadn’t helped. He fought against anything that distracted his son, and he wasn’t happy unless Erik was preparing for a game, playing a game, or analyzing everything he’d done wrong in a game in order to be ready for the next game.
“You want to keep itthatreal, Kris? I don’t think Cross chose hockey over you.Youchose it for him. You told yourself the entire time you were with him that he would eventually choose the game over you, so you wouldn’t even listen to him unless he said he’d quit.”
“Fuck you.”
“Have you responded to his text messages?” He leaned forward in the chair when she clenched her jaw and refused to answer. “I didn’t think so. You boxed him into a corner and when he wasn’t willing to just drop everything—to walk away from his team, his contract, and his fucking future Hall-of-Fame career—just because you like having him around, you told yourself you were right all along and shoved him out the door.”
“I wanted to befirst,” she yelled, and she stood as the anger swelled to drown out the sorrow again. “I wanted to be more important to him than hockey.”
Erik stood too, taking a step toward her. “Did you tell him you’re in love with him?”
She bit into her bottom lip, trying to keep it from trembling, as tears spilled over her heated cheeks. Dammit, she wasn’t all cried out after all. Her throat was so tight, she wasn’t sure she could talk, so she just shook her head.
He wrapped his arms around her, holding tight, and for a few moments she just listened to her brother’s heartbeat and let the rhythm of his breathing calm her.
