“It’s not fair,” he repeats, calmer. “We lost years with you because of a technicality.”
“But I’m here now, right?” I point out, offering him a slight smile.
His shoulders lift with his gulping inhale of air. He blows it out before bringing my fingers to his lips.
“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to yell.”
I can’t be angry with him. Any of them. I had no memory of our time together. I managed to live a blissfully ignorant life while they had to wait for me to remember them. I can only imagine his hurt.
“How long were we together?” I ask instead, settling my head against Ciaran’s shoulder.
His lips graze my brow. “Time works differently in Chthonia. A few hours here could be months over there.”
I try to remember how long I was away from the picnic. The entire group had been searching for me. There was still enough daylight that we could resume the gathering, but late enough that we packed up not long after.
“Mom said I was gone several hours,” I remember, struggling with the exact timeframe.
“We had you for almost a year,” Malakar murmurs. “Then you were gone and nothing felt right. The entire kingdom felt empty.”
“We get to finally take you home now,” Aamon says a little too sharply, like he’s trying to remind all of us that those days are over. “You’ll be back where you belong.”
Ciaran tips my face up with a gentle nudge of my chin. “What will it be, little one? Will you come home with us?”
I peer from him to Malakar and settle on Aamon’s hopeful expression with my heart breaking in my ribcage.
“I can’t.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Silence hits the room with the loaded tension of a cocked gun. It snaps into place, freezing everyone in the room.
“Baby, you can’t stay here.” Aamon’s the first to speak, his expression edging on desperation.
The statement makes me chuckle weakly. “Well, I know. Once it’s morning and the snow stops—”
Malakar cuts me off, voice a sharp whip. “Why?”
“Because I have a Mom,” I tell them softly. “And my dad ... he’s not doing so well. I can’t ... I can’t leave them. She needs my help to look after him and ... I don’t ... I don’t have the luxury of thinking of just myself. Maybe I could before, but not now.” I nibble down on my bottom lip and drop my gaze to the corner of the blanket I’m twisting around a finger. The whole thing is a blur behind tears I can’t contain. “I’m sorry. I swear, this is all I want more than anything, but...”
Aamon captures my chin. His fingers stroke the first tear off my cheek. He coaxes my attention to his beautiful face.
“They will be okay. Your parents are strong. It will hurt for a little bit, but they will continue one day at a time.”
The quiet sentiment would be reassuring if he wasn’t asking me to simply vanish from their lives without a note. Without a single word as to where I’ve gone. It would devastate them. It could possibly kill my dad.
I slap his hand away, temper flaring.
“I’m not going to run off to some magical realm without at least saying goodbye to my parents, especially if I’m never going to see them again.”
Ciaran puts a hand up when Aamon opens his mouth to answer.
“You’re right. What we’re asking is a lot. There is no simple solution we can offer, but our window is closing. Once we’re gone, we will lose you forever. Not even Father will have the power to bring you to us once midnight strikes.” He takes a long, slow breath. “We will be lost without you, little one. You are our last hope. I don’t say that to confuse your thoughts. But once we return and you’re not with us, there will be no more doors. No coming back.”
My heart cracks in my chest as I watch the pain in his eyes plead for understanding. He watches me with such desperation my stomach knots.
“Can you come home with me?” I ask instead.
Malakar and Aamon avert their eyes to the ground. Ciaran’s the only one who sighs and shakes his head.
