‘What about him?’
Zac seemed so caring and she could tell he wanted to help her, so she decided to be open with him about how things stood. ‘We were only married for just over two years, but we had beenfriends at school when we were in our early teens. We drifted off into different friendship groups and then his family moved away from the area when I was about sixteen. When we met up again in our early twenties, we began seeing each other and got engaged after only five months and married a couple of months after that.’
She saw the look of surprise on his face. ‘I know it seems quick but because we had known each other as youngsters I wrongly presumed I knew him well.’ She sighed heavily, still troubled by her error of not taking more time to get to know how he was as a partner. ‘I now realise how silly that was of me.’ She raised her hand to touch where he had hit her most recently. ‘I left him a couple of months ago.’
Zac’s eyebrows shot up. ‘A couple of months? I hadn’t realised it was that recent.’
‘Things between us got steadily worse and we began to argue and then he finally went too far, smashed up the living room in our flat and…’ She hesitated, not wanting to say it out loud but needing Zac to understand that she hadn’t left Rhys without good reason. ‘And then he hit me.’
She saw him clench his teeth and suspected he was trying not to say what he was thinking. ‘Go on,’ Zac said finally.
‘I had been unhappy for quite a while by then, but he always made me feel as if him losing his temper was instigated by something I had done. When he hit me, I realised that was a choice he made.’ Aware her mouth had gone dry, she took a sip of her cool tea. ‘I knew that was it for me. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and I had no intention of standing for it.’
‘Good, I’m relieved,’ he said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
She thought for a moment before continuing, wanting to be honest but trying not to think about how things had been bad for so long. She was more used to avoiding any thoughts oftheir disastrous marriage now and not focusing on it or how it descended into viciousness by the end.
‘I still sometimes try to work out what happened to make him this way, but then I remind myself that I’m no psychologist. I think the worst thing for me is understanding myself through all of this.’
Zac shook his head. ‘In what way?’
‘I consider myself strong, happy to stand on my own two feet. If you’d have told me before this happened to me that I would end up being treated this way I would have thought you didn’t know me at all, but it did happen to me.’
‘It happens to many strong people,’ Zac said, making her wonder what experience he might have endured. ‘I don’t think there’s a type of person who finds themselves in an abusive relationship.’
‘Thank you. I’ve always thought of myself as able to deal with things and I think this has knocked my self-belief rather a lot.’
She could see Zac was struggling to hide his anger. ‘That saddens me but I’m sure it’s only natural for people to react that way.’ He reached out and took her hand, comforting her. ‘I think the most important thing, apart from getting away from him, which you’ve done to a certain extent, is to go easy on yourself and allow your self-belief to return.’
She tried to think what she might say to a friend going through what she was now and realised it was the same as Zac’s advice.
‘To be honest, I don’t have any experience of this sort of thing.’
‘It’s fine. I know you mean well and I’m grateful to you for giving me a safe space to open up about this.’ She sighed heavily. ‘Rhys is clever. The change happened very slowly as he become more and more abusive over the last few months of our marriage.’ She swallowed a lump in her throat as she thoughtback to that first time he had pushed her, causing her to slam her shoulder into their living room wall and bruising it badly. ‘He always had a reason for it being my fault, and at the time I believed him.’
‘That’s coercive behaviour.’ He scowled.
She barely heard him, recalling the things Rhys kept accusing her of – seeing other people, belittling him in front of their friends, none of which she thought she had done. ‘In the end I began to think I didn’t know what I was doing, or whether or not what I did was insulting for him. I began to lose trust in my judgement and…’ She sighed deeply, wanting the conversation to end. ‘Then he hit me.’ She looked into his eyes, wanting to see how disgusted he would be with her next words.
They sat in silence for a little while, both lost in their own thoughts.
‘How do you think he knew where to find you?’ Zac asked. ‘I presume you weren’t the one to tell him.’
She shook her head. ‘No, of course not. I suppose it must have been my mum. She and Rhys’s mum are best friends.’
‘I don’t see what that’s got to do with anything though.’ He stared at her for a moment then something dawned on him. ‘You haven’t told her about him hitting you, have you?’
‘I didn’t have the heart to.’
‘But why not?’
Melody pictured her mother, sweet and kind and always wanting to focus on the best in people. ‘She would have only blamed herself and then I would have needed to deal with her guilt.’ She closed her eyes at the thought of the countless times she had spent listening to her mother’s concerns about something she had done that might be perceived as not being right. ‘I just told her we were struggling a bit, weren’t getting along any more, and I needed time out from the relationship.’
‘What did she say to that?’
‘I’m not sure if she believed me or not, but I don’t think for a second that she had a clue how our relationship really was.’ She gave him a wry grin, grateful for his understanding and kindness.
‘And you don’t think your mum would have put you before her own feelings?’
