She falls back against a tree, staring up at its yellowing leaves. “They did the same thing to me with women. It messed with my mind so bad,” she whispers. “I hate that they hurt you, Raffe.”
"Jenny, I'm bisexual. I am who I am."
"I love you as you are, Raffe. I didn't mean …"
I press my finger over her lips. "I'll never know if they altered my sexuality, or if I'm exactly the way God intended me to be. But I think I'm pretty awesome just the way I am." I rest my arm above her head, leaning in close. “I need you to remember what they did to me is not your fault.”
“But it is.”
“No. You didn’t hurt me. They did.” I brush my nose against hers. “Jenny, I’m sure we could tell each other a hundred horror stories from our past, but it’s over. I don’t want to waste my time with you reminiscing over our pain.”
She blinks at me. “I … um, it’s true. I was in love with Bill, but nothing ever happened between us. I was delusional to think I even had a chance. He never once made a move on me. He loved his wife.”
I slowly push my leg between hers, and her breath begins to come out in little pants. “He never made a move on me either,” I tease, barely brushing my lips over hers.
“He was …” She pauses when I lift her skirt and place my hand between her legs. “He was nice to me, and I was lonely. I …” Her lips part and her eyes fall closed when I slowly begin to rock my hand against her. “It … I … I don’t know, Raffe. He made me long for something more. Not necessarily with him, but he stoked an ache …”
I plunge my hand down the front of her underwear, and she lets out a moan that is an exact match to my desperation. “I want you to feel safe talking to me about anything. I will never judge you, Jenny. Never. I’m the one person in this entire world you can be completely honest with. I’ll never hold anything against you.”
“It was really you I ached for,” she admits, slowly opening her eyes. “But it’s been so long,” her voice cracks, and I know it’s because she’s scared.
The tip of my middle finger slips into her, and she stops breathing. I hold myself there. “Let me soothe the ache, Jenny. You don’t have to suffer any longer.”
“Here?” she asks, and it makes me laugh.
“If you want to do it here, we can, but I was thinking more along the lines of grabbing us a few snacks and sneaking upstairs. Maybe taking a nice … hot … shower,” I whisper against the shell of her ear.
She shivers against me, and I smile.
“Okay, but I might pass out on you on the way back,” she admits, and I know she’s not joking.
“Come on. It will be just like old times when I used to sneak into your bedroom.”
“That was innocent.”
“It was, but I promise you tonight will not be.”
The adventurous Jenny comes out to play. I take her by the hand and lead her back to the edge of the tree line.
I know we’re going to have difficult conversations and discoveries ahead, but I’ll diffuse them one by one. We’ve both done a lot of healing. Now we just need to do a little of it together.
She giggles when I pull her down beside me, hiding behind the bushes. “If we make a run for it, I think we can dip around the patch bunnies and hop the fence on the left side of the patio. It’s the old ladies blocking the door into the kitchen we’ve got to worry about. If one of them spot us, we’ll never get away.”
“Maybe we should skip the snacks,” she says.
“Maybe you’re right. I bet either Lily or Jess filled the mini fridge in your room. Come on.” We continue across the lawn, laughing.
I pull us behind a large tree, pinning her to it. “We’re almost home free.”
Dirk suddenly appears, leaning against the trunk beside us. “What are we doing?” he asks, lighting a cigarette.
Jenny looks at him, really looks at him, and then turns to me. “He is kinda cute, isn’t he?”
“It’s the eyes,” I tell her.
We both laugh, but Dirk doesn’t.
“You’re such a Debbie Downer,” I tell him. “But if you must know, we’re trying to sneak upstairs.”
