This is what I was afraid of, but it’s getting dark and I don’t have it in me to argue. I accept his offer, letting him pull me from the ground.
We walk back to the house quietly, pausing only once to give Garfield’s belly another quick rub.
“Do you ever get lonely?” he asks, holding the backdoor open for me.
“Yes.”
His hand rubs over his chest, and his face pulls into a grimace. He doesn’t try to hide how much this pains him.
“It’s not constant. Maybe it’s even a normal amount of time that I feel that way. Do you get lonely?”
I pull a tin of popcorn out of the cupboard and start the oil in my cast iron skillet. Raffe jumps up on the cabinet beside the stove to watch me.
“Yeah,” he finally answers. “Sometimes I can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.”
“I understand that. Before I met Lily, I was in a constant state of loneliness even though I was rarely alone.”
He looks away. I haven’t tried to talk about her with the others, but for some reason I feel safe bringing it up with him.
“Is she angry with me?” I ask.
“She’s going through a lot right now. I think all of this kind of caught her at a bad time.”
“Oh, is she okay?”
Raffe jumps down from the cabinets. “She’s good.”
I can tell there is more, but the corn on the stove starts popping and I have to devote my attention to it. I watch him out the corner of my eye as he walks around. Eventually, he lowers himself onto the couch.
“I’m sorry I don’t have a television. It gets kind of quiet out here at night.”
“It’s peaceful. I like it.” He lays his head back and closes his eyes.
By the time the popcorn is done, I worry he might have fallen asleep, but a smile pulls at the corners of his mouth when I lower myself beside him. His eyes open, and for a brief moment I worry I’m hallucinating.
He reaches out and pinches me. “Ow.”
“I’m going to do that every time you wander off, you know.”
“I know. I want you to.”
“Or I could just touch your butt every time it happens.”
“That’s what caused my spiral from reality last time.”
He laughs and then tosses a piece of popcorn in the air, catching it between his teeth.
“Show off.” I shove his knee.
When he winks at me, a little butterfly takes flight in my chest.
“I can’t wait for all of my friends to meet you.”
The butterfly takes a nosedive toward the pit of my stomach. “Raffe.”
He shoves a piece of popcorn in my mouth effectively shutting me up. “Right now, though, I’m just going to enjoy having you all to myself.”
Raffe reigns in the butterfly, pulling him up at the last minute. He’s always had a way of doing that. He pushes my limits. He always has. It’s one of the things I loved about him.
