Would he be thinking about me, too? Or would he meet someone in Milwaukee and forget about me? The latter was probably the right thing for us both, but…I knew I’d never forget Gabe.
My mom had always told usthe only constant thing in life is change. But it wasn’t until this moment that I realized justhowquickly things could change.
One moment Gabe and I were rivals, and the next there was an ache in my chest at the thought of him leaving.
At the thought of him falling in love with someone else.
At the thought of us being on this world at the same time but not together.
38
LILY
The daysbetween Christmas and New Year’s Eve were a blur of watching movies on the couch, kissing and touching Gabe, snuggling with my cats, eating leftovers, and snacking on all the chocolate, cookies, and candy canes I could muster. By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, I had no clue where the days had gone. What I did know, though, was I loved a night out with my girls.
Jules, Eliza, and I were getting ready for the night. Jules was curling her hair in the bathroom, which was right across the hall from my bedroom, while I was flipping through the clothes in my closet.
Eliza was lying on her stomach on my bed, scrolling through her phone. Her dark hair was down, and she’d opted for a pair of black jeans with an olive-green satin camisole. She paired her outfit with a black belt, rings on her fingers, an array of earrings along both ears, and her signature nose ring hoop. I always loved when she wore tank tops or T-shirts, because it showed off the small to medium-sized tattoos she had along her arms. The lily flower tattooed on the back of her right arm was, unsurprisingly, my favorite.
“You’resogoing to have a romantic midnight kiss with Gabe!” Jules exclaimed, and even though I kept my gaze focused on my closet, I could imagine the bright smile on her face.
I’d finished telling Jules and Eliza about my night with Gabe after the Christmas festival, which included his addition to the back of my winter wish list. I also told them about the sweet and thoughtful Christmas gift he’d given me after dinner, but I kept the rest of our conversation and what Gabe had shared to me about his father and job to myself.
“It’s…possible.” I tried to keep my voice calm, but it rose an octave.
That got Eliza’s attention. She locked her phone and set it to the side. Jules set the curling iron on the bathroom counter and came into my bedroom.
“What’s going on, Lil?” Eliza asked.
I let out a heavy sigh, turning toward both my friends. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I feel…really confused about all this. About how I’ve been thinking about Gabe more and the building less. How I enjoy spending time with him. How he’s so thoughtful, caring, and sweet. How…” I trailed off, swallowing the lump in my throat before continuing. “How I think I might be falling for someone who isn’t looking for love. Someone who I won’t be able to forget even after he leaves.” I rolled my lips, pressing them together in an effort to compose myself and stop the tears welling in my eyes.
At the start of the month, I was okay if love wasn’t in the cards for me. I was surrounded by different types of love in my life. Now? Something flipped, and I wanted that for myself. I wanted something all-consuming and real. And it didn’t get more all-consuming than Gabe and how he made me feel.
I crossed the distance to my bed, sitting on the edge while Eliza readjusted to do the same. Jules joined us, too, which put me in the middle.
Jules spoke first. “Your relationship and thoughts about Gabe have shifted so much since he got into town. But…I think Gabe might be more open to love than you realize.”
My brows furrowed as I tilted my head to the side. “What do you mean?”
When I looked between Jules and Eliza, they shared a knowing smile.
“Lil,” Eliza started with a gentle laugh, “that man is gone for you. Did you see how he was looking at you during Christmas dinner? Yes, he was talking and getting to know all of us, but his eyes always went back to you. He’s in complete awe of you—and probably thinking of more ideas to add to your naughty wish list.” Eliza wiggled her brows. “See, I knew I was onto something when I was making my list.”
My cheeks flushed, and this time, I was trying to hide my smile for a whole other reason. “You really think so?”
Eliza and Jules both nodded confidently.
“There’s something magical between you two,” Jules said gently. “It might be confusing and scary with all of these unknowns, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real or that it couldn’t work. When Wes and I were trying to figure out what to do, I realized we’re better together, and it’s easier to come to a decision as a team. I think it’ll be easier for you and Gabe to figure it out if you’re honest with yourself and with each other about what you want and what’s important to you.”
I let Jules’s words sink in, realizing that the first step was figuring out what I truly wanted. And then not being afraid to say it out loud, even if there was a possibility of rejection.
I had some decisions and priorities to think through, all the while Hal’s decision on the building continued to loom over us. Luckily, I didn’t have to decide anything tonight. Tonight was all about celebrating the new year.
Wanting to change the subject, I turned to Eliza. “Anyways, tell us more about reconnecting with Colin.” Now it was my turn to give her a sneaky smile. “You haven’t said anything, and we have to find out from Marnie?”
Eliza tipped her head back with a groan. “There’s nothing to tell! And I feel likereconnectingis too intense of a word. We dated in college. It was fine. Nothing special, but I liked the guy. Turns out, we’re way better as friends. Yes,friends. Actual friends.” She gave Jules and me a pointed look. “We’ve kept in touch over the last couple of years, and I saw him when I was in Madison for the yoga conference over the summer. He texted me asking about New Year’s Eve, and I knew we’d be here so…” She shrugged. “Figured an invite wouldn’t hurt. But he’s going to see his brother instead.”
“His older brother Leo,” I said in a sing-song tone. “You haven’t told us anything about him. Did you meet him when you dated Colin?”
