What’s left of it.
Something sharp burns inside my chest, and I try to rub it away, but it doesn’t work. It never does.
Jordyn and Cash lead us inside, even though we’ve been here a million times before. It’s cute seeing my older brother wifed up. I thought he’d be the last of us to get married. Scratch that. Beckett will ride out his bachelorhood as long as he can, I’m sure. Honestly, I thoughtI’dbe the first one down the aisle between the four of us. Now it’s not even in the cards for me, and it never will be.
Soft brown eyes and two French braids pop into my mind. So cute. I wanted to tug on them. I wanted to do a lot more than that, actually. That’s why I had to get the fuck out of there. Before I did something stupid.
Yet, instead of going home to drink after I left Quinn’s apartment, I went straight to work and stayed there all night with thoughts of her going around my head the entire time. And when I got home at three in the morning, I took the regular elevator up to my floor for some reason. I don’t know why. I also don’t know why I had it stop on the fourth floor before going all the way up.
But I swear, when those doors opened, I got a whiff of her strawberry scent, and it soothed me, knowing she was there. Hopefully tucked into bed and sleeping soundly. Then, the thoughts that she might be in there with another man crept in. That pissed me off so much that when I got into my apartment, I grabbed a bottle of liquor and went outside to drink on my patio. The sun was just starting to rise when I stumbled inside, angry at myself for letting Quinn Summers invade my mind. She has no space there. No woman does. Not after what Nicola put me through. The lies, manipulation, and pure bullshit; I want nothing to do with women. I don’t trust any of them.
We walk into the large living room, which looks onto the pool and leads to the kitchen and a breakfast nook.
“Drinks?” Cash asks as he makes his way to the built-in bar.
We all nod, and when he hands me a crystal glass half full of whiskey, I stare at my tattooed fingers wrapped around it. Part of me wants to give it back to my brother as his words replay from yesterday. He thinks I’m drinking too much. Am I? I have been doing it a lot, but haven’t we all? We’re dealing with the unexpected loss of our dad.
Pushing his concerns out of my mind, I bring the glass to my lips and tip it back, the smooth, smoky taste washing over my taste buds. Something loosens inside me. It’s easier to breathe.
Easier to exist.
By the timedessert is done, we’re sitting by the pool, watching the flames in the gas fireplace. It’s nice out here. No sounds of the city. Just the Las Vegas lights sparkling in the distance.
“Welp, I need to go. I have a date.” Beckett stands, his signature smirk on his face. “Unless you’d prefer I take you out, bombshell.”
Cash leaps to his feet, practically snarling at our youngest brother, but Jordyn grabs his wrist before he can tackle Beckett. It’s as if that’s all it takes to soothe the beast in him: Jordyn’s touch.
She rises and pushes onto her tiptoes, kissing Cash’s cheek before moving past him to where Beckett is grinning like the cocky asshole he is. Jordyn smiles up at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. We all see it, but his dumb ass is too proud of himself to notice.
Then, she brings her index finger to his chest and traces a playful line. “Sorry, Lassie. I prefer pit bulls over golden retrievers.”
Then, with a wide grin, she presses both palms to his chest and shoves him backward, sending him flying, fully clothed, into the pool.
I burst out laughing as Beckett kicks and splashes until he gets his footing and stands straight, shaking his hair off like a dog.
“Woof,” he says, winking at Jordyn as she chuckles and rolls her eyes.
Cash mutters something about Beckett being an idiot, but there’s only amusement in his expression. And pure, sickening adoration for his wife. Something that feels like jealousy prickles at the back of my neck. I was going to have that.
I rise and head inside to the bar and pour myself another drink, the background noise in my head fading as I take a sip.
Beckett, Kian, and Jordyn walk through the living room.
“Night, bro. It was good to see you outside of work for once.” Kian gives me a backslapping hug.
I nod, my jaw clenched. What can I say to that? I’ve been a shitty brother. I know it. I’m just not sure how to fix it. Or if I can.
Beckett says goodbye but doesn’t hug me. Jordyn gave him a towel, but he’s still soaked. Idiot deserved it.
When they disappear, I head out to the pool where Cash is sitting with the coffee he and everyone else switched to after dinner. He side-eyes me as I lower myself into one of the chairs beside him.
Neither of us speaks as we enjoy our drinks of choice and watch the fire. Even though we’re outside, the air is thick, and I hate it. Cash has always been my best friend. I love all my brothers, but he and I are closest. When we’re at odds, which is rare, it sucks. I can talk to Beckett or Kian about anything, but Cash understands me best.
Despite the tension, I don’t say anything. Partially because I don’t know what to say, but also because my mind is fuzzy enough that thinking straight is difficult.
“I love you, Xander,” Cash finally says.
His words pierce me like a knife and a hug at the same time. But he doesn’t wait for me to reply before he continues, “We’ve already lost our parents. I don’t want to lose you, too.”
