I’d somehow file what happened earlier under two categories, diametrically opposed in their definitions: wonderful and painful.
It both makes me smile and makes me feel like I’m being fucking stabbed to think about it while I’m out here again.
I came straight here when she lied for the second time in as many seconds and said she wanted to be alone, when really I felt like dropping to my knees and telling her every truth I’ve ever known to get her to believe me again.
But that’s in no one’s best interest.
I can’t give her what she wants, at least not in a way that’s going to make sense to a brain like hers—as wonderful as I think it is, it does a pretty great job of hurting her—and I was a selfish piece of shit when I asked for more days of her time when she’s already wasted so many on me.
Jay pulls up to a quick stop beside me, runs a hand through his hair, the shadows of all his tattoos stark from the sun. The gold on his rings glints, and he tugs absentmindedly on the chain that’s slipped out from underneath his shirt.
“How do you feel?” he asks quietly, staring and thoughtful.
I nod slowly, considering. “A bit great, a bit pretty shit.”
He tips his chin and his eyes find the scar, hidden behind damp hair, matted to my forehead. “Head alright? That’s a lot of exertion.”
“Nah. Head’s fine.” I’m still operating under the good graces of a triptan. I run a hand through my hair out of habit. “Has more to do with the first time I was out here today.”
Jay cocks his head, and he looks like he’s about to ask when Talon coats us with a spray of ice.
“I’m telling you, we should really do a podcast. We could do YouTube and have some of our episodes on the ice!” Talon pants, slightly out of breath with damp hair curling around his ears, before he blinks, asking, “You skated without us?”
“With Sloan,” I clarify.
And it might seem dumb, but it’s a necessary clarification, because I can see why they’d want to do it together.
She’s the only exception.
Talon nods, slowly, looking for once in his life like he’s chewing over his words, when Jay exhales, asking with a shrug, “And how’d the re-creation of your first date go?”
I give him a flat look. “Well, I was out here alone, wasn’t I?”
“Not good, then.” Jay nods thoughtfully, bottom lip extending.
But Talon shakes his head, pointing at me. “Quit fucking her around.”
“I’m not fucking her around,” I say, irritated. “I might be a piece of shit, Talon, but I wouldn’t do that to her.”
“You’re not a piece of shit,” Jay mutters, but he scrubs his face like he’s exasperated.
Talon raises one hand, shrugging. “Bringing her skating isn’t fucking her around?”
“It wasn’t my idea!” My voice raises with my hands, and I catch Enrique looking up from his phone over at the desk, but one sideways glance from Talon and he’s back to pretending to be busy again. “We were walking around the ship because we made this stupid deal to pretend we were, I don’t know, practically strangers, and neither of us could keep up with our end—”
“Wonder why.” Jay raises a brow.
I feel a bit like flipping him off, but I cut him a look instead. “And we said we’d just ...notpretend not to know each other.I asked her for the next few days, and I told her I’d give her everything she wanted before we got off the fucking ship—”
“Things you won’t even explain to us, good thinking!” Talon flashes me a sarcastic thumbs-up.
I do flip Talon off before continuing, “And she saw the rink. It was her idea to come in. It was all going fine until I said I was sorry things didn’t work out.”
Talon’s lips pull back, and Jay looks towards the ceiling, groaning.
“Didn’t work out?” Talon’s eyes sharpen before he exhales a scoff. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Aside from the obvious?” I push my hair back with one hand and point at the scar with the other.
