My father wrapped me in a tight hug before sending me back to my room. I hurried more than usual and was sweating by the time I reached the confines of my chamber.
I flung myself into my desk chair before hastily grabbing a piece of paper and a pen and scribbling an urgent message to Torin. I called for Pip and asked her to deliver it to a runner immediately. If Pip was alarmed by my urgency, she said nothing. She simply bobbed a quick curtsy before nearly running from my room, her actions spurned by the pleading in my voice.
Not for the first time I wondered if Torin even existed, or if he was simply a figment of my imagination. I sat heavily on my bed and stared blankly at the wall, desperately trying to think of a solution.
My father seemed nervous—borderline terrified—at the prospect of Lord d’Refan staying here without the protection of Torin.
The only thing I could think to do was the one thing Torin told menotto do. Resolved, I decided to try tonight, and every night after, to pull Torin back into the dreamscape, hoping I could speak to him and convince him to come back to Hestin.
Chapter 59
Ellowyn
Isomehow made it through the rest of the day, my head a mess and my thoughts in a jumble. I didn’t try any of Mistress Lautaro’s focus exercises. I didn’t practice my magic. I didn’t even go outside to the garden.
Instead, I sat and thought.
The pressure to doright,to do what my family wanted and needed was all-encompassing and crushing. It felt like there was a solid weight on my chest and shoulders—a burden I bore alone.
How could the decisions of one person affecteverything?
It seemed almost impossible, and I laughed to myself at the absurdity of it.
I hoped tonight that, maybe, Torin would pull me back into the dreamscape with him. Each time it happened, the storm above the cracked landscape grew more volatile and restless, lightning sometimes striking out at us as we called on our magic.
I sighed at the fact that it’s just another mystery, another secret, added to my plate.
My trips to the dreamscape, and my conversations with Torin, I kept close to my heart. No one, not even my parents or Peytor, knew about my adventures at night, and for some reason I preferred to keep it that way.
It was something that was just forme, and I didn’t want it to be dissected or tainted by concerned looks or the rolling of eyes.
The weight of hidden information—both mine and my family’s—sat heavy on my chest, constricting my breathing and scrambling my thoughts.
So many burdens to bear on my own.
A soft knock on my door broke me from my musings.
“Come in,” I said softly, tightening the robe around my body.
Peytor poked his dark head around the door, and I relaxed slightly.
“Hey, sis,” he whispered, “come join us!”
I pulled my loose hair into a quick bun on the top of my head before shoving my feet in a pair of silk slippers and practically running for the door.
“Why are we whispering?” I asked as I ducked out of my room and ran across the hall to his.
“I don’t know! Makes it more fun,” Peytor whispered as he pulled open his door.
His room was awash in the glow of the fire, Finian was perched shirtless in one of the armchairs, a book open on his lap.
“The trio is complete!” Peytor exclaimed before grabbing Finian’s jaw and planting a deep kiss on his lips. Finian’s face glowed pink with embarrassment, and he rolled his eyes at my brother’s actions.
I giggled and sank down on the couch that was positioned between the two armchairs. Peytor grabbed two glasses of whiskey, offering one to me before throwing himself in the armchair opposite Finian.
“You know, I’d say I want the couch with Finian and give you an armchair, Ell, but I doubt I’d be able to keep my hands off him all night if I did.” He propped his head in his hand and let his darkened gaze roam hungrily over Finian. “Doesn’t he just look so handsome with his shirt off? The firelight illuminating those chiseled pecs and abs of his. And so studious with that book. I could just eat him up right now.” A wistful sigh left Peytor’s lips as he took a healthy swallow from his whiskey glass.
I giggled. “Oh, so handsome,” I placated, taking the tiniest of sips from my own glass. I gagged at the burn. “Ugh! How do you guyslikethis?” I coughed and passed my glass to Finian, who took it and shot the contents back in one sip.
