“So special,” Fay teased, but I could already tell that her mind was elsewhere. I watched as her tattooed toes clenched and unclenched, her whole body thinking.
“What do you think?” I asked after a few moments of silence.
Fay startled suddenly before snapping her journal closed and pocketing it back in her belt.
“I’m not sure. I have a few . . . theories, but I have to do more research first.” She looked absently around her crowded space.
“See”—I patted her knee—“like I said, you’ll just add more books to your collection.”
She snorted in mirth but shook her head.
“No, I think it’s finally time I visited the Academy’s library.”
Chapter 41
Faylinn
The Academy loomed over me as I stood on the walkway, craning my neck as far back as I could in order to view the building in its entirety.
It was massive.
A large, black stain on the landscape of Vespera. So dark that it seemed to suck the very light from the air.
My breath caught at the sheer magnitude of the Academy—it was one of those things that was so large that I felt unbearably small. Like an ant would look at a human. The obsidian stone glittered softly in the bright light of the day, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was a deception; a pretty mask to cover what hid inside its doors and halls.
I shivered involuntarily, goosebumps creeping over my skin—not from the cold of the air, but rather the anxiety that caused my heart to race and fear to be a palpable thing. My palms sweat, and I hastily wiped them on my black pants—the same ones each soldier and cadet wore. I’d even donned the boots that Rohak brought me before he left for Hestin, the cold runoff from melting snow too much even for my feet. While it got chilly in Isrun, it was neverthiscold.
My breaths formed little clouds as I panted through my fear.
The longer I stood and stared, rooted to the spot, the more I felt my confidence draining, my will and desire to see within the Academy’s vast library depleting. Subconsciously, I scratched my arms where a litany of small, silver scars adorned them in a nonsensical pattern. Some crisscrossed, others were long and parallel. There was no rhyme or reason to my injuries, and I still couldn’t remember how—or when or why—I’d gotten them.
It was like there was a wall in my mind that blocked my consciousness from recalling anything prior to my arrival in Isrun. I’d spent countless hours pounding against that wall, attempting to circumvent it in any way I knew how, but no matter what I did—no matter the words I spoke, the meditation I attempted, the runes I inscribed pointlessly on my skin—the wall never moved. Never so much as glitched.
It was as impenetrable and forbidding as the building towering over me.
Maybe that was why I hated this building so much?It reminded me of the wall in my mind.
Or maybe it was something more sinister.
Or maybe I just fucking hated the black stone and ridiculously intricate architecture.
I scratched urgently at my arms, the feeling of my nails biting into my skin through my tunic grounding.
I’d done hard things, survived more than my fair share of hardships.
Why the hell couldn’t I just walk inside?
Frustration bubbled just beneath the surface, and I wanted to scream.
“Are you going in?” a voice asked from just behind me, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. I whirled to face its owner. Lex climbed the stairs, Ilyas walking in step while Sasori trailedslightly behind. I felt my body relax in his presence, the tension oozing from my muscles, as he drew even with me.
“Hi, Lex. Ilyas.” I shot them a small, weak smile, clutching my arms tightly around my midsection.
Abruptly, the smell of coconut enveloped me as Lex wrapped his arms around my body. I breathed deeply, his scent calming my racing heart. I untwined my arms and wrapped them around his midsection, squeezing tightly.
“Thanks,” I breathed into his neck even as I heard Sasori scoff loudly behind us. “That helped,” I admitted as Lex finally released me.
My cheeks pinked slightly from his attention, but he smiled softly at me, gently tucking a stray curl behind my ear.
