I shuddered at the thought.
Unbiddenly, my steps took me through the tunnel between the manor and Academy until I wound up in front of Rohak’s office.
I went to push inside but backed away quickly and ran up the stairs to the rooms that housed the Life Bonded couples. As much as I wanted to take refuge in Rohak, I didn’t want to taint my one place of comfort. Not after I’d seen his Bonded, even if I couldn’t identify her from her companions.
Instead, I knocked briskly on Ben and Asha’s door before pushing inside when Asha’s soft voice shouted, “Come in!”
“Fay!” she exclaimed as soon as I closed the door behind me. She and Ben were lounging on their couch, a low fire lit despite the growing heat outside, both with a book in hand. Their Bond marks pulsed contentedly as if showcasing their combined emotions.
Asha’s smile dimmed considerably and turned to a frown—Ben’s Bond Mark losing its luster—as she took in my obviously strained expression. I gave her a wan smile before kicking my boots off with a groan and sinking into the singular armchair that sat diagonally to their couch. Lord d’Refan insisted I wear a dress to meet the delegates from Samyr, and now I was longing for the soft pants and tunic of the Mage blacks.
I should’ve stopped in my rooms first.
“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, snapping his book closed and setting it on the table to his left.
I sighed and rolled my neck, eyes closed. “What makes you think something’s wrong?” I challenged, but there was no heat or edge to my voice.
“Because you’re doing that thing where you rub your temples and scratch at your scars,” he countered, and I quickly snatched my wayward fingers from the lines on my forearms. I’d kicked the habit recently—ever since Rohak and I reconciled—but it seemed that it was back in full force.
“I hate you and the fact that you know so much about me,” I groaned, and Asha laughed lightly.
“No you don’t. You might have a few months ago, but you don’t now.”
I cracked one eyelid to look at her curled into Ben’s side, his arm strung casually over her shoulders. They were good together—she balanced his seriousness, and it was so clear in both of their eyes the love they held for one another. As blindsided as I was when I first walked in on them having screaming sex, I couldn’t begrudge them their relationship.
Once I’d admitted my own feelings for Rohak, it was easy to fall into a friendship with Asha and Ben, especially because I checked on the status of their Bond often.
“You’re right, I don’t,” I admitted before sitting up completely. “Any changes or additions to the Bond?”
They both shook their heads. “Not since you last checked. Everything is deeper and more amplified, maybe? But no new developments,” Ben said, and I sagged.
“Dammit, I was hoping you’d say something to distract me.”
“What do you need distraction from?” Asha said as she leaned across the couch to squeeze my hand. I tried to smile back at her, but it fell flat.
“I met Rohak’s Bonded today,” I admitted, and Ben’s eyebrows shot up for a moment. “Well, not met her, met her. But saw her. I couldn’t tell her apart from all of the other Vessels from Samyr, but she was definitely with them. Do you know that they only exchange female Vessels? How cruel is that? Like they’re a commodity. And they’re all stunningly beautiful—shiny long hair, painted lips and faces, dainty feet, and feminine curves. The one’s breasts were this big”—I cupped my hands away from my own, much smaller chest—“and they carried themselves with such grace. How could I ever compete with that? He’s going to take one look at her and forget about me.Fuck, he’ll probably be lost in her pussy for days and not come up for air. He’ll forget that she’s a Forced Bond and they’ll have beautiful Destruction babies?—”
Asha put her finger against my lips, and I let my hands drop from my chest. When she was confident I wasn’t going to speak again, she untangled herself from Ben before wrapping me in a hug that smelled faintly of my garden back in Isrun. A pang of homesickness hit me, and I held her tight.
“Thanks,” I mumbled into her copper-red hair. She vibrated against me in small laughter before pulling back and looking at me.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked, holding my shoulders. I placed my dark, tattooed hands over her own freckled ones and shrugged.
“No, but what choice do I have?” Asha offered me a sad smile before cuddling back into Ben’s side. He kissed the top of her head, and I was hit with longing; not for Ben, but for the easy and open relationship they had.
Asha and Ben dropped the subject after that little declaration and let me stay with them for a few hours, indulging me in an attempt to distract me from the truth. But there was no escaping it.
She was here, Rohak’s Bonding was imminent, and all that I would be left with were unresolved feelings and the “what-ifs.”
Chapter 64
Lex
Aknock sounded on my open door, and I lifted my head from the papers on my desk to see Rohak standing in the doorway. His normally reserved expression was even tighter than usual, the ever-present furrow between his eyebrows deep and unforgiving. There was something clouding his eyes, an invisible demon he was fighting, that was only more prevalent by the stiffness in his posture.
“Can I help you, General?” I put my pen aside before clasping my hands on my desk and leaning back slightly, opening my posture in a bid to make him feel more at ease.
“Do you mind if I give us some privacy?” He gestured to the door he just walked through, and I nodded my assent. Rohak carefully closed the door with a softclickbefore engaging the Air Wards that would muffle conversation. They were helpful when teaching, especially when cadets were doing practical applications of their magics. It allowed for a quieter, more focused environment, and also didn’t disturb the other classrooms.
