In my daze, I couldn’t remember if it was here when I entered my room or if it had just appeared. I furrowed my brow in frustration at my inability to recall something as basic and inadvertently important as the existence of my nightgown.
With a small scream of frustration, I ripped the towel from my body and shoved my head and arms through the respective holes of the short, silk nightdress. A soft fluttering caressed my bare legs before the sound of paper falling to the ground caught my attention.
My hair dripped against my back, saturating the nightgown nearly completely and causing it to stick to my skin, but I simply brushed a stray strand behind my ear as I bent to pick up the folded piece of paper.
The note was small, the handwriting a barely legible scratch. Even having never seen Pip’s handwriting before, I knew the note was from her.
I’m sorry. I can no longer serve you. My time here is done. May Fate guide and keep you.
The note was short, perfunctory at best, but laced with hidden meaning and insinuation. My hand went numb, and I lost my grasp on the paper, letting it flutter back to the floor. I slumped on my bed, eyes wide and unblinking, skin cold and mind drowning.
What have I done?
It was clear Pip no longer respected me, clear that she held disdain for me and my actions, so much so that she could no longer work for me.
I panted as I methodically crawled up the bed and burrowed beneath the covers. I tucked my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my freezing, shaking body, desperately trying to warm myself from the outside in.
Clenching my eyes shut, I willed myself to sleep.
Torin. Torin will help. Torin will understand.
The skyabove the cracked earth of the Dreamscape was loud tonight—the colors roiled endlessly, lightning streaking between the coiling and uncoiling strands. A strange wind blew, whipping my hair about and drying it in nearly an instant.
“Torin?” I called, my voice cracking and breaking.
I saw the mountain in the distance, once majestic and proud, now rent in half as it slowly collapsed in on itself.
I did that.
It seemed that I destroyed everything I touched.
I’ll probably destroy Torin, too.
The thought had me spiraling into a new wave of panic, so much so that I choked down my next cry for him.
“Ell?” Torin’s voice was soft and comforting, a balm to my injured soul. I whirled, nightgown rippling along my thighs and hair hitting my face from the sudden movement.
There he was—Torin d’Eshu, mytruebetrothed and the one my heart called to. I couldn’t admit it until now, couldn’t make sense of all my feelings that were muddled and overshadowed by the strife in Hestin. But, without a doubt, my soul yearnedfor his. In just one look from his hazel-honey gaze, I felt ripped open and raw, seen and understood, calmed and adored.
Alois never made me feel that way, even when he was inside me.
The realization hit me like the weight of a boulder, and a cracked sob escaped me, my hand flinging to cover my mouth as my shoulders caved forward, my body collapsing to the cracked ground.
Torin’s frown became a mask of surprise and worry as he sprinted from his spot near the edge of the dead wood to my side. The dirt puffed into small clouds as he slid on his knees to me, crawling the remainder of the distance between us.
The first touch of his skin on mine felt like coming home, and I wept openly as his hands caressed every part of my exposed skin that he could reach. His full lips fell into my hair and his hot breath fanned over my scalp as he whispered my name over and over again.
I came alive and fell apart under his touch.
It was torture and heaven.
And through it all, I just sobbed unintelligible words into his chest, breathing in his sunshine and spice scent with each stunted inhale. His calloused, warm palms massaged the back of my neck and upper back, pulling me fully into his chest so I straddled his muscular thighs.
“I’m here, Ell. I’m here. Give it all to me, I’ll catch you. I’ll hold you. You are mine and I am yours, sweet girl.” He mumbled a constant stream of comforting platitudes into my ear. Eventually, my sobs subsided until I was simply shaking against him, my tears spent and dry against my cheeks; my eyes were swollen from the deluge of emotion, and still Torin held me, loved me.
This is what my first time should have been like, who it should have been with.
The realization had the acid in my stomach roiling and threatening to expel everywhere. The compulsion to tell him everything was overwhelming, almost like I couldn’t hold back the words even if I wanted to.
