A quick glance to the campus below showed an empty, eerie space. We were alone.
“You need to think this through carefully,” I said to her, almost as much to myself. “We have the contest to compete in, and our academic relationship to consider.”
“What about our friendship? What about whatwecould be?”
“This isn’t a question of what could be, Mara,” I said, though I didn’t believe it. I knew, as well as she did, that I wanted to prove to her how much solace she would find in submission. I wanted to feel her quiver in my hands, the need to surrender, the desire to give in. The act of rendering the self powerless. The last slivers of my restraint were slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, my words the last chance to make her see how much of a risk she was taking on us. On me. “I need to know what you want from the university,” I demanded, “What you want from me. It’s not as simple as saying you want to compete in the contest,” I paused, relaxing my tone, “It’s not as simple as saying you want me. We have too much on the line. I can’t guess your desires. I need to hear it.”
She stared at me, her arms crossed, her bag still swinging at her side. “I don’t know what I wantfromyou,” she said. “I just want you.”
“Not once have you asked what I wanted,” I said. And at those words, she cooled, her eyes set on me.
“I’ll ask you, Nate. But not Dr. Evans. Not the persona you put on for the class. What doyouwant, Nate?” The night sky cast her in a shadow, the moon a crescent above us. “I don’t know why I care about the contest. Or why I’m getting this degree. For Dad, I guess, but is that it? To be honest, Nate, all I want, is to do anything and everything with you. Maybe it’s a whim, some fleeting idea that I’ll be able to live without one day, but in this lifetime, if it’s just a whim, why should I care? Why should we restrain ourselves? We can have years ahead of us, or a single day. And maybe you don’t want to be with me, and that’s fine, but if you could do what you want deep down inside of you, take what’s yours, and maybe, for one second, consider—”
I pulled her into my arms, my hands tangled in her hair, and I kissed her. A deep, scorching kiss, slow and methodical. Her entire body tensed, then slowly let go, trembling in my grasp.
…Consider taking what was mine.
If Mara wanted to know what I wanted so badly, then I could deliver that to her. Since the first time I had felt her quiver under my hand in the Afterglow, I had wanted her. The desire had only increased every moment since.
When I broke from the kiss, her eyes were glossy, hazy and craving more. I helped balance her until she was steady on her feet again.
“Think about what you want from the contest,” I said, still gazing into her eyes, “What you want from me. And I’ll think about what I want from you.”
She blinked. “Okay.”
