In his office, Nate went behind his desk and removed two highball glasses and a small bottle of dark liquor. He poured the drinks calmly, as if it was any other day. Like I always had a drink with him after a lecture. I closed the door behind me gently, trying not to bring attention to what I was doing, not wanting to make it a big deal to Nate, but the click of the handle made him stop, and look up at me.
His eyes held me with interest. He dared me with those eyes. His voice was low and commanding.
“Did you close that for the drinking rule, or something else?”
The drinking rule… We weren’t supposed to drink on campus, were we? I had held those rules close to me, not wanting to mess up my placement in the program, and yet here I was, doing something so much worse. Closing the door. A private space with my professor. Not because of a drink. In the end, a shared drink was harmless.
This was not that.
“Something else,” I said.
Nate handed me a glass. We clinked our drinks and took a sip. The taste was bitter on my tongue, but it turned me on too, invigorated me, because I knew that that’s what Nate’s lips tasted like at that exact moment. He licked his lips, looking at mine from across the desk.
“What do you want from this?” he asked. I fidgeted with the strap of my bag, unsure of what to say, of what to do. Then I groaned and slung the bag on the floor. I looked around, but there weren’t any answers. We locked eyes again.
“I want you to kiss me again,” I said.
He sat up in his seat, his hands bracing each side of the desk, showing his dominance. “I don’t simply kiss, Mara. You know that.”
It made it more enticing to know that he would show me things I had never done before. That we would go places together that I had only ever dreamed of. That he would make my daydreams, my fantasies, a reality.
“I’ll scar you,” he said. “I could break you. You shouldn’t trust a man like me.”
I gulped. But I didn’t care. I knew what I wanted.
“I know what I want,” I said, staying strong. “I want you to spank me again.” Saying it sounded simple, so damn juvenile. Spanking. Punishing. He had paddled me too.
And I wanted so much more than that.
He stood up, rounding the desk to me. He looked down, then stepped closer, spreading my legs so that he was standing between them. He took my chin in his hand.
“I take what I want, Mara.” He pulled me to a standing position, and held my wrists in his hands, bringing me close to his body. That sandalwood scent surrounded me, making me ache with need. I wanted to bury my face in that scent. “I demand,” he breathed. “I will challenge you more than you ever thought possible. Can you handle that?”
Without thinking, I said, “Yes. I can, Nate.”
I tilted my chin towards him, and he bent down, his mouth open. As he leaned into me, I moaned, sinking into his embrace, his hands still clutching my wrists.
The door handle jiggled. Simultaneously, we both sucked in a breath and spread apart as quickly as we could. Nate leaned one hand on the desk, and I grabbed my bag, holding it as if about to leave.
A janitor, one I had seen a few times before, earbuds blaring, cackled at the sight of us.
“Oh, whoops! Didn’t know anyone was in here,” he said.
“We were heading out,” Nate said.
But the janitor hadn’t heard him. He hummed loudly to himself, scooched his cart out of the doorway, and went to clean another office.
The door hovered open, the echo of the tinny music filtering into Nate’s office. How had we missed hearing the janitor coming? With the way the music echoed in the hallways, his earbuds were practically a surround system.
If it had been another professor, or worse, another student, what would have happened then?
Nate’s lips were tightly shut. He turned to me.
“What we’re doing is against policy,” he said. “I could lose my chance at tenure. You could lose your standing in the program.” He sighed. “We need to seriously think about what we’re doing.”
I knew that Nate was risking a lot, but I hadn’t realized that I would be affected too, beyond peer judgment. “I could lose my standing in the program?” I repeated.
“If word gets out about us, the university will not want it on their record. Nor will they want you. Or me.” He grabbed his briefcase. “They could blame your expulsion on cheating or misconduct. You need to make a decision about this on your own. For no one but yourself.”
