I shrugged, remembering my mom’s words. The same words I had used myself to convince Nate to spank me the first time. “We’re adults here.”
“You’re barely old enough to drink a beer, and you think you’re on the same page as him?” She squinted her eyes at me, then laughed. Why was she laughing? Iwason the same page as him. After what we had been through together, how could I not be? Suddenly my face was on fire. “You really are naive, aren’t you? So smart, yet so…lost.”
This was the kind of attitude that I despised. I might have been young. I might have missed the usual high school upbringing and college parties like my peers had experienced. But I was more mature than most people my age. Clearly, I was more mature than Dr. Smith and her petty drama.
She smirked, then stepped closer. I clutched the napkin in my hand. “Look, Mara. I’m going to be honest with you. I know about you and Dr. Evans.” My mouth hung open. How the hell did she know? “Jessica told me by accident. The girl can slip when she’s had a few too many.” She looked to the side, as if sympathizing with her, then continued, “But let me be honest with you, woman to woman. Dr. Evans cares more about tenure than he does about you. So I’m going to do you a favor.” She leaned on the counter. “You either ask me to be your committee chair by the end of the month, or I’ll expose you both.” She rubbed her forehead as if it pained her to do this, when she knew she had the upper hand from the start. “This is for your own good. You understand that, right?”
Which only meant that it was better for her. How could she be this ruthless for a tenure contract? “You want tenure that badly? So badly that you’d screw over our lives?”
“Dr. Evans doesn’t need this job like I do. I don’t feel bad taking a position from a billionaire asshole who doesn’t actually care about his students.”
That was a lie, and she knew it. No one in the right mind would stick around the classroom as long as Nate had without a drive to help students. Even if Nate’s methods were a little backward, they still had a point: to make each student think more critically. It just happened that a side effect of his teaching methods was the result of his own publications.
It was just a side effect, wasn’t it?
“You are more selfish than he ever was to any of his students,” I said.
“Maybe,” she said. “Ask him about the paper he’s writing in opposition of your Crossing Collaborations entry. Then you’ll see where you stand.”
I didn’t believe her. We had worked too hard on the essay for him to throw it away on some stupid opposing paper. Besides, we argued enough in person about it, and all of those times, he never could tell me a true opposing argument.
But ‘we’ wasn’t the right word. Even Nate had pointed out that it wasmypaper, thatIhad done the work for it. Almost like he didn’t want to take ownership. I had originally thought that it was a kind gesture, to show his appreciation for my hard work, to encourage me to believe in myself. But maybe it was different. Maybe he wanted to take his name off of the entry in order to prepare himself for a different path. A path to a solo publication. A path without me.
The voices of other students filled the hallway. Dr. Smith took a bite of an apple, then walked towards the sitting room. “Think about my offer. It’s up to you.”
The rest of the group wandered into the kitchen, including Jessica and Nate. When Jessica saw my face, her grin dropped.Are you okay?she mouthed. I nodded. I couldn’t be mad at her. Though I wish she would have warned me, it wasn’t Jessica’s fault that Dr. Smith had taken advantage of her inebriation. I had to blame Dr. Smith. It was all I could do at that moment.
Nate was dressed in his usual professorial gear, and it almost felt like a costume now: Nate playing the part of Dr. Evans, the sweater-wearing professor. I could feel him watching me, but I couldn’t meet his gaze. I stared at the croissants and the crumpled napkin in my hands. There was too much to think about when it came to Nate. Too many possibilities to consider.
Even if they were lies, there was some truth to them. I knew that.
