She examined the entire contents, then settled on a bag of chewy powder-coated rounds. She popped one in her mouth.
“Why all of this?” she asked.
I handed her the second letter, the one I had kept hidden. The only one with actual death threats. “Other than that, you’ve seen the notes.”
She glanced it over, then put it down. “Okay,” she said.
“So?”
“So what? You think I’m magically going to act like everything’s okay?” I expected a weight to be lifted, but nothing changed. That was certain. “Here’s the thing, Grant. Youdohide things from me. Like where the hell you got all of this money,” she looked around the room, “Or what happened to your mother. And your dad.”
“Step-father.”
“Whatever. Step-father. Or how much money you’re getting paid to ‘reintegrate’ me.” She held up two fingers to mock the word.
“I’m not getting paid. It’s what I want to do.”
“You agreed to do it because your boss is dating my sister.”
“He’s my friend, not my boss. And yes, that was part of the reasoning when we started.”
I sat down next to Hazel, moving a tin of mints. Above the tangy aroma of the candies she was eating, I could smell coconut coming from her hair.
“Zaid gave me a large sum,” which was an understatement, considering it had too many damn zeroes behind it, “which allows me to pay for this apartment. And other stuff.” I could go into the trust I had set up for Mom later. “But I called him. And quit.” I chuckled to myself, because it couldn’t be considering quitting if there wasn’t an actual job. But how else could I explain it? “I’ll give him back the money if I have to. Everything I do, from here on out, is because I want to be here.”
Those pensive blue-green eyes bore into me, studying me, trying to find flaws in my words. Trying to find anything to revoke her trust in me.
“I’m not a job?” she asked.
“No. Not a chance in hell.”
How much would I get paid for a job like this? The number didn’t matter, but it was amusing to think about, considering the circumstances.
“Are you laughing at me?” she asked, a playful tone to her voice. “Why are you smiling? What? Am I too difficult to be a job?”
I grinned. “Something like that.”
She punched my shoulder playfully, then she sighed deeply and ate another handful. It made me sick to think about what I might have done to her, had this been a year ago. Had it been my order.
Sometimes, people ended up in terrible situations. All I knew was that Hazel hadn’t tried to kill Dean. While every bone in her body was made for destruction, that destruction was meant for her. She never meant to hurt another being. When she had defended herself the other night, the shock had cascaded through her, making her whole body shake, solely because she had hurt another person on purpose. There was no way she could have meant to kill Dean.
“Why did you help Micki?” she asked. She turned to me, and both of us adjusted, noticing the close proximity. We were so close. I had almost forgotten about the teenager we had helped. I knew she would be in good hands at the Riverside Family Shelter. “What was your reasoning?” Before I could answer, she added, “Because you knew I wouldn’t leave it alone.”
I smiled. “Part of that.”
She looked down at the candy wrapper in her lap, then back at me. “I can take care of myself,” she said. There was some truth to that. She had defended herself at the bar, and had actually left afterward.
“I want to be here,” I said, choosing my words carefully. To be here with her. I wanted to take care of her. But I wanted her to thrive on her own. Without me guiding her.
She peered up at me, her eyes somehow simultaneously doe-eyed and defiant, misty, gleaming with yearning. She looked away, breaking our gaze. I had rocked her with those words somehow.
“We can train more,” I offered. “Would that help?”
“Sure. I guess.”
“You guess?” I turned towards her. “What else do you need?”
“Release.” Her gaze fixed straight. “I need release. Physical release.” The abrupt transition surprised me.Physicalrelease? “I need you to make me feel so much pain that I don’t feel anything. That I can’t remember what day it is or why I’m here.” The desire in her eyes flickered, coming to rest on me. “It helps me focus on what’s important.”
