CHAPTER 23
Hazel
A ball of numbness crawled through my stomach. I wasn’t looking forward to the day. By sunset, my only true family would be legally tied with Zaid, the man who had abducted me after Dean died. What was worse was that today they were doing an official collaring too. That kind of thingmeantsomething to the BDSM community, more than a marriage. Knowing Heather, she meant her commitment to him with every breath that she took.
One more way that I would inextricably tied to that scar-face. It was another way to bury me with the past.
A grunt came from the hallway. Grant was working out. He had been going into overtime with weight lifting the last few days, as if he could drown out the real world under enough squats. I didn’t blame him. From morning until night, I blasted music on the bedroom speakers, or let it blare in earbuds until I could hear ringing in the silence. Music wasn’t as good as a sadomasochistic beating, but what was?
The bar hit the rack, sending a clink down the hallway. My stomach lurched. I turned over, stuffing my face into the pillow. I didn’t want to face Grant. If I had to say more than a few words to him, my heart broke in two, reminding me that it wasn’t anger that I felt, but sadness. Despair. At the one person who had been there with me since I left that stupid clinic. But it wasn’t a logical feeling. He had helped abduct me. Sent me into isolation, claiming that I was a drug addict. He had forced me to do everything he thought represented a respectable member of society.
And he did it with love.
Love didn’t excuse any of his actions from before, but it changed things. My heart couldn’t deny how it had felt to hear him say those words. It had dropped, collapsing on my chest, as if Grant himself was shredding the muscles of my heart like tissue paper in his hands. But if he did those things with love, maybe I could forgive him. Because forgiveness was a part of love. Maybe he could forgive me for always pushing him away.
But Grant had pushed me away too.It was a mistake to fall in love with you.That had hurt. Cut me in two. But itwasa mistake. For both of us. I couldn’t be mad at him for saying that. Not now.
A knock sounded on the door. Usually, if I pretended to sleep, Grant left me alone, but I knew the reason for breaking his habit. I sat up in bed, holding the sheet to my chest. Sweat covered his brow, glistening on his arms, droplets wetting his shirt. And for once, I was glad he was wearing a shirt. Neither of us needed that kind of distraction. With the bright windows behind him, his eyes were dark, but they held light when he locked eyes with me.
I shook away the thoughts. Grant was still an ex-whatever. If that meant ex-boyfriend or ex-lover or ex-roommate, I didn’t know, nor did I care.
“What?” I hissed.
“There’s still a chance,” he said.
I clenched my teeth together at those words; they could mean so many different things. A chance for the future that I wanted. A chance for a life together. A chance for us. There was a nagging need inside of me to ask what he meant, to have him confirm it. A hope deep down that wanted his words to be referring to us. But I didn’t say a word. Because I knew what he meant.
“The collaring is today,” he added.
The sheet fell into a heap around me, exposing my thin pajamas. Not that Grant hadn’t seen me naked before, but I could pretend to be modest. I crossed my arms.
“So?” I asked.
“There’s still a chance to be there on your sister’s big day,” he said. He gestured in the direction of the stairs. “I’ll drive us. We can leave as soon as it’s over.”
I looked down, not able to look into his eyes. He was so nice. Even after the shitty things we had said—let’s be real, whatIhad said—he was still willing to look out for me, because he knew that despite how much Heather pissed me the hell off for falling in love with my abductor, Heather still mattered to me. She was the only family I had, and beyond that, she had always been there for me. Even now. Grant nudged me in the right direction, and was there to catch me if I wanted to run away. He was the safeguard that I had always needed.
What did that mean for us?
“You’re going to leave me here then,” I said, turning away from him. “All alone. Who cares if the stalker comes.” I couldn’t bear to say her name. I hadn’t texted her since, but I wasn’t willing to admit it was her. Not out loud. Not in front of him.
“You said you didn’t need me,” he said with a hint of a smile in his voice. I wanted to throw the damn pillow at him for teasing me. “There’s security footage. I can keep a close eye from Mount Charleston.” He looked around, then he turned back to me. “Or you can go with me.”
I gripped the sheet in front of me. How much time would it take to look decent enough for a wedding? Not that I wanted to go all out. Hell, it was a collaring anyway, not a wedding. Kinkster formal wear was different from vanilla formal wear.
“Will you know who be there?” I asked in a quiet voice, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“She’s been banned,” he said, “from all Afterglow events. I’ve hired a few men to keep a watch on her place.”
The weight that had been hanging in my stomach lifted, not completely, but enough to be noticeable. Maybe I could get back to a real-life one day.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go. But I’m holding you to that promise. We leave as soon as the ceremony is over.”
“Understood.”
“And on the way back, I need to stop by the store to pick up boxes. Because I’m moving,” I said, a triumph in my voice, even though I felt weak inside. Most of the stuff in this room and in this apartment wasn’t mine. But I needed to do something. Because I had to figure this out on my own.
But why did that feel so wrong?
