I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t help it; I loved him too. To profess those three words at a moment when we couldn’t talk about it at all, like he had admitted it to me in the middle of a fight. But I couldn't admit those words without wanting so much more. And I needed to make sure that this was okay. It was one thing to fall in love with someone. It was another to think that your love was good enough for theirs in return.
Later, I promised myself. Later. Not now. Not during my sister’s collaring. This was about her and Zaid. Their love.
“Good luck,” I said. “You’ll do great.”
He grinned, almost as if he knew that he would be a fine officiant. Then he disappeared down the hall.
I went outside and found Cindy, and after a few moments, Grant came to the backyard, announcing that we should head to the chairs. I escorted Cindy to a chair in the front, but when I saw that there were few open spaces left, I couldn’t justify taking one of them myself, when there were so many people who had intended on being here as soon as they received their invitations. I ran along the side of the seating area, going around the garden, and caught a glimpse of Mara and Nate sitting in the back. I almost waved, but Mara seemed to be concentrating on giving Nate the cold shoulder, and hadn’t seen me. Things must have been going well with them; read my sarcasm.
Grant and Zaid stood in the middle of the stage, underneath the flowered beam. Grant seemed so professional, and yet proud. He was as happy as his mom was for Zaid.
Everyone turned to see Heather come down the center aisle in her workout clothes. Before she passed me, she squeezed my hand, then walked down to meet Zaid on the stage. They took each other’s hands.
“To dedicate your life to one another as master and slave is more than love,” Grant said, his voice loud, carrying through the entire area. “It’s devotion. Commitment. Loyalty. That no matter what situations you find yourself in, when you dedicate your life to someone, you do anything possible to make sure that person is safe, even if that means risking your own life.”
Risking a life was something Heather and Zaid had done for each other. I didn’t want to admit it, but I couldn’t deny that they did love each other, in some weird, screwed up way. And I knew, deep down somewhere, that Grant would do the same for me. He had done it time and time again.
“But, as the second in command to Zaid’s former company, and as his best friend, I can tell you that he and Heather have had that level of devotion, commitment, and loyalty long before today.” Grant gestured at the pedestal. “The only difference is that today, they proclaim it before their friends and family. To show the world that not only do they love each other, but they are completely devoted to each other’s well-being, and loyal to one another until their last breaths. They are master and slave.”
I couldn’t help but think about Grant. No matter how many times I tried to push Grant away, or put myself at risk, he never stopped believing in me. He was always there. Was that more than love?
“Zaid, do you commit yourself to being Heather’s master, fully and completely, prepared to always do what’s in her best interest, making sure that she is safe, healthy, happy, and fulfilled?”
Zaid nodded. “I do.”
“Heather, do you commit yourself to being Zaid’s slave, fully and completely, prepared to always serve his demands, and to devote yourself to making sure that he is safe, healthy, happy, and fulfilled?”
She smiled, tears in her eyes. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
“Then we’ll proceed with the collaring,” Grant said.
Zaid gestured with two fingers towards the ground, and Heather kneeled, lifting her hair. “This collar represents their devotion to one another. Not only Heather’s commitment to being Zaid’s slave, but Zaid’s commitment to being her master. It is with love, devotion, commitment, and loyalty, that the two of them unite through this symbol.” There was a loud click as the collar locked into place. The audience erupted in murmurs.
I realized that as long as Zaid protected Heather, like Grant protected me, it didn’t matter what I thought. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was more than love. But whatever it was, Heather deserved to be happy.
Because I deserved happiness too. We may have a screwed up relationship, but Grant had always been good to me. And maybe he deserved better than me, but we could at least try and see what happened. To see where our future led. We both deserved at least that.
The audience stood, clapping in celebration, and I waved at Heather. She was grinning, her eyes locked on Zaid. I guess I didn’t hate Zaid anymore—how could I, when my sister loved him so much and he seemed to be a decent partner?—but I didn’t feel right staying. I didn’t know anyone besides Heather, Grant, Mara, and Nate. Heather would be busy entertaining though, and while Mara seemed cool, I didn’t want to get into the awkwardness between her and Nate. The last thing I needed was a lecture from Nate, my old tutor, about why I should try college again.
So I would take Grant up on his promise. And when he asked if we were going to the grocery store, I would tell him ‘no.’ And I would tell him the truth. That I loved him too. That I didn’t want to move out. Not yet. Not when we still had to figure out what our love meant.
I avoided going inside the house and went down the side gate instead. I planned to sit in the car. If Grant wanted to mingle for a moment, I would be fine; I could wait. He had always waited for me.
The gravel underneath my sandals rustled, and I turned down the empty street. There were tons of cars parked along the edges, but I didn’t mind walking. I hummed to myself, then pulled my earbuds out of my purse, turning my phone to a love song playlist. Grant’s gunmetal car shined under the setting sun, and when I looked down to change the song, a shadow appeared in my peripherals. I jumped, thinking it was a wild animal, but adrenaline surged through me, seeing those dark eyes, his hair dyed white, those teeth spreading into a wide grin. He had disguised himself.Oliver.
With one quick movement, a crowbar raced towards my face, knocking me to the ground. Blinding pain pulsed through my skull; I could barely see. Then a hood came over my eyes and he held me down, pinching my nose and mouth shut, suffocating me.
