We weren’t supposed to.
But I wanted him. And if we were safely alone and hidden, then what did it matter?
In the close proximity of the room, my knees were weak. I had to steady my pulse by taking even breaths. This was Lucas. He was a club member. A friend.
But he was my Lucas.
He pulled off his jacket and laid it against the opposite couch. Why did I think in that possessive? He wasn’t mine. He was a member who happened to prefer me, at least right now. If anything, I washis.
But he had the chance to be with Mel or Iris, or any of the other servers, and he had chosen me.
Me.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked, my voice squeaking. I don’t know what possessed me to ask. A flush covered my skin. I shouldn’t have asked at all. He tipped his head to the side. A single hiccup escaped my lips, and Lucas raised an eyebrow. I held my mouth. I hadn’t had that much to drink at all, and yet I knew what it looked like. Trying to fix the situation, I added, “I’m afraid of love. Love makes you stupid, right?” I stared at him for a moment, but he didn’t give me anything. “That’s what Mama used to say. You fall in love and you make stupid decisions. And you can’t help who you fall in love with.”
The brown in his eyes seemed deeper then, darker than before, the hints of green piercing me with their light. He enveloped me in those eyes, and I realized I was still standing. He was sitting down, and yet my legs were shaking. I was giving myself away.
Did I love Lucas?
No. That wasn’t possible. He was a member. Nothing more.
Wasn’t he?
“I’ve been in love,” he said. “I agree with your mother. Love blinds us to what’s really there.” I took a seat next to him, our thighs touching. I needed that contact. Especially right then. And thankfully, I wasn’t hiccuping anymore. “Isa ended up leaving me for the man she was having an affair with. And when I look back, all of the signs were there. She had been cheating on me for a long time. But I chose not to see what was there.” It would be devastating to love someone like that. “She left me for Aldrich.”
My heart sank. That explained their weird friendship. “When was this?”
“Over ten years ago now.” He shook his head. “It’s in the past.”
But there was a glimmer in his eyes that showed that he wasn’t telling the complete truth. Even if he didn’t care about Isa anymore, he was scarred from that experience. It affected him, even today.
“So you and Aldrich aren’t friends?” I asked cautiously.
“Business associates now,” he said, then he shrugged. “I don’t trust many people,” a bittersweet smile crossed his lips, “except for you.”
“Me?” A hopefulness filled my chest.
“There’s no pretense as to why you’re here.” I tilted my head, then he added, “Money.”
A weight settled on my shoulders. I wished we had met under different circumstances. Maybe an alternate universe where Mama was still alive and was okay with me growing up with nothing, like she had, where she didn’t sign binding contracts out of pride for her children. Had that been a stupid decision out of love too?
In another life, I could have been Lucas’s intern. Or maybe the barista at the coffee shop he always went to. Something else. Not this. Not his server at an entertainment club. Not where money was the binding to our connection.
He leaned back, acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world. But I knew differently. Deep down, it bothered him that he had no one he could trust. That he was alone in this world. He had built an investment empire, but for what? What did it matter if the only person he trusted was me?
I refused to believe that money was our sole connection.
The same thoughts must have crossed his mind because when our eyes met, he asked: “Would you still want me to degrade you if I weren’t paying for your time?”
It was a pointed question. If it weren’t for our time back here, I would never have known that I liked being humiliated. That it made me feel completely whole to know that he wanted to see me below him.
But if he stopped paying right now, I would still be attracted to him. I would still think about him at night, how his hands gripped my hair, about the earthy taste of his dress shoes, his cool breath on my exposed body.
I nodded.
“Say it.”
A flush covered my face and hands. I should have known this was coming. I could hear him saying those words that he said in the beginning.I’m going to break you, Haley. I’m going to ruin you. You’re not as good as you think.
