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Me: Don’t ask me why, but Azurdee is going to need Jessie. Make an excuse to come into town today.
I placed my phone back down onto the counter and slowly made my way back to my bedroom as I downed my second beer.
I opened the door and was instantly hit with her smell. The tears building in my eyes caused me to almost turn around and leave. Maybe if I just disappeared from her life that would be better.
She rolled over and made a noise. When I set the beer down on the side table she sat up quickly. She rubbed her eyes and whispered, “Lark?”
“Yeah, it’s me, mi amor.”
She jumped out of bed and ran to me. When she slammed into my body I cried out in pain and she jumped back.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she turned on the side lamp. The moment I saw her beautiful face, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do this. I loved her so much and the thought of hurting her about destroyed me. When she smiled at me it hit me hard…the idea of putting her life in danger destroyed me even more.
I shook my head and said, “Nothing. I missed you so much, baby.”
She smiled bigger and pulled my T-shirt over her head and stood before me naked. “Show me how much you missed me.”
One more time. I needed to make love to her one more time. I needed her to feel my love.
I reached over and turned off the light and began taking off my clothes.
“Get back on the bed, Azurdee. Get on your hands and knees.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to be fucked, Lark. I want you to make love to me.”
I closed my eyes and almost begged her to just let me have her from behind. If I was behind her she wouldn’t see the gunshot wound on my side.
“Please,” she whispered as she lay down on the bed. I quickly stripped out of my clothes and crawled on top of her. I pushed her hands above her head and said, “Hold onto the bed. Don’t touch me.”
She bit down on her lip and did as I said. I began teasing her wet entrance with my tip and I about came on the spot when I felt how wet she was.
I pushed into her and we both let out a moan. “I missed you so much, Azurdee.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
I began making love to her slowly. She kept her hands above her head and as she began softly calling out my name she wrapped her legs around me and then wrapped her arms around me.
The pain shot through me like I was getting hit with the bullet all over again. I closed my eyes tightly as she rode out her orgasm. I wasn’t sure how I was able to do it, but I came right after she did.
She held onto me and I finally had to push her legs away. She sat up quickly and looked at me. She looked down at my left side and then quickly moved to turn on the light.
“Azurdee, no.” I reached for her, but it was too late. The light was on and she had her hands up to her mouth. When her eyes met mine they were filling with tears.
She jumped up and grabbed my T-shirt and put it back on. “You’re hurt. You’re bleeding.”
I shook my head and said, “Its okay, baby. It’s gonna be okay.”
“What? What happened?”
I stood up and walked into the bathroom. Fuck, I needed to take something for the pain. I stood there and took in a few deep breaths to control the pain.
She walked in behind me and whispered, “You’ve been shot.”
I didn’t turn to look at her as I said, “It’s all a part of the job.”
She remained silent for a few seconds before she said, “Please tell me what happened. Tell me what’s going on. Lark, this is killing me not knowing.”
I opened the cabinet and looked for some pain pills. I had some in my jacket pocket but my jacket was in the kitchen.
I grabbed some Advil and swallowed four of them.
“You know I can’t tell you, Azurdee.”
“Bullshit. This whole top-secret shit is getting old. I have the right to know how in the hell you got shot.”
I closed my eyes. This was it. This was my out.
I turned to face her. “No you don’t. It’s none of your business and I told you in the beginning I wasn’t going to be able to give you what you wanted.”
She looked at me confused. “What? You give me everything I’ve ever wanted. Lark, I’m just trying to understand what is happening here. Please tell me what you’re doing? What do you do? For Christ’s sake, you’re standing here in front of me bleeding from a gunshot wound!”
I let out a gruff laugh. “You’d leave me if you ever knew what I did, Azurdee.”
She looked at me and dropped her mouth open. “Am I getting a little too close to the truth? Is that why you’re pushing me away? I won’t let you. I take the bad with the good, Lark. I love you and I’ve always told you I will love you unconditionally.”
I walked past her and said, “I’m not telling you, Azurdee, so either you drop it or you leave.”
I died when I heard the sob escape her lips. “What?”
I closed my eyes tightly and got ready to do the one thing I promised myself I would never do to her. I got ready to destroy her love for me.
I spun around and yelled out, “What do you want from me? I’ve given you everything that I can. I told you I couldn’t give you my complete self. I told you my job was not open for talking about, yet you stand here and push and push. I’m sick of this shit. I’m done. This was all a mistake and I should have known I couldn’t do this.”
I stopped and waited for her to say something back. She stood there for a few seconds before she tried to talk. Her voice cracked and my heart broke in two. She slowly shook her head and said, “Why are you pushing me away? If you don’t want to tell me…you don’t have to tell me…but please…please don’t push me away.”
I closed my eyes and said, “I can’t do it anymore. It’s too hard.”
She put her hand up to her mouth and asked, “What’s too hard?”
“You…you’re expecting too much from me, and I’m not sure I’m ready to give you all of me.”
She slowly started to sink down to the floor as she began crying. I went to reach out for her but I saw Vazquez’s brother’s face as I faced him after I killed his brother, and the pictures of her flooded my mind.
“But…you said…you said you loved me. Our letters…the bottle…our journey. What about you telling me you loved me?”
I closed my eyes and turned away from her before she could see my tears.
“I slept with someone before I left on this last mission.”
She let out a gasp and whispered, “What?”
God please forgive me.
“I saw Sherry in the elevator before I left. She started coming on to me and we ended up fucking in the elevator. I just couldn’t stop myself.”
I felt her brush past me. When I heard her crying harder I wanted to immediately tell her I was lying, but all I could see was the pictures of her. They consumed my mind.
She quickly pulled on a pair of pants and grabbed her cell phone. She walked to the door and turned to look at me as she attempted to settle down.
“Here I thought I saw what was really on the inside.” She shook her head. “I see what you’re doing and I don’t know why you’re pushing me away.” She let out a sob and wiped the tears from her face. “I’ve loved you from the very beginning and will always love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life, Michael Williams. You’ll never begin to know how you just destroyed my whole world.”
She pulled open the door and walked out. I started to go after her. I walked out into the hall and heard her doing something in the kitchen. When I heard glass breaking I began walking faster.
As I turned on the light I saw a vase smashed on the floor. It had been filled with red roses. I heard the elevator shut and I stood there and listened as the only girl I’d ever loved...and would ever love…disappeared from my life.
I stood there frozen in place. I hadn’t felt this numb since Nikki’s death. No…I’d never in my life felt thi
s numb. Azurdee was my entire life. I’d have given my last breath for her love.
I walked over and picked up my phone and typed out a message:
Me: It’s done.
Skip: You just saved her life.
Me: I hope so, because I feel like I just destroyed both of our lives. I have nothing left to fight for.
Skip: Yes you do. To kill the bastards who are out to kill you. Get them and you can tell her the truth.
I reached for another beer as I made my way back to my room. I sent out one more text to the man we had tagging her before I downed two pain pills and another beer:
Me: I want daily reports. Where she is and who she’s been with. Every night at twenty-one hundred hours.
Intel1: Yes sir.
