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Azurdee was smiling until she glanced up and saw me. Her smile faded and then was replaced by a fake smile.
“Mrs. Emerson! What a surprise! Azurdee said she was bringing someone, but didn’t say it was her mom.”
Azurdee smiled bigger and said, “Mom, this is Scott Reynolds.”
Scott walked up and shook her hand and then kissed the back of it, making her blush.
Azurdee looked at me and I smiled and mouthed hello.
Mrs. Emerson turned and looked at me and I smiled. We both stood there waiting for Azurdee to introduce us. I finally took the lead.
“Mrs. Emerson, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Lark Williams.”
Her mother’s smile faded for one quick second before returning. “Mr. Williams. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Lark is Lauren’s godfather,” Azurdee said. It was like she had to explain my reason for being there.
“Oh. Very lovely. Jessie, I’m parched. Tea?”
Jessie gave a nervous laugh and said, “Yes! My mother in law just made some. Let’s head on in.”
Azurdee and I managed to avoid each other for the rest of Friday and most of Saturday. I walked around Scott and Jessie’s backyard carrying Lauren in my arms. I hadn’t seen Azurdee since she went inside with her mother and a few other ladies. Lauren laughed and I looked down at her and smiled. She was nine months old now and the cutest damn thing ever. She was so happy all the time, and when I was around her it just made me realize the life I wanted with Azurdee. As we walked up to each person, I said, “My goddaughter, Lauren. Isn’t she going to be a heartbreaker?”
When Florida Georgia Line’s song “This is How We Roll” began playing, I walked to the dance floor and began dancing with Lauren. As I bounced her around, she began laughing out loud, which caused me to laugh out loud. It was the first time in two months I felt a moment of happiness. Scott walked up and tried to take my sweet angel out of my arms and I turned away from him. He walked around me and I spun away again. This time Lauren really started laughing so Scott and I made a game out of it.
I finally gave up my girl and handed her to Scott. As he began walking to the house with her, I glanced over and saw Azurdee standing there watching me. My heart dropped just as fast as my smile did when I saw the look on her face. She looked…sad. I smiled, and she returned my smile, but it didn’t touch her eyes. She turned and walked away.
“Lark, are you up for another dance with a pretty girl?”
I turned to see one of Jessie’s friends standing there. I gave her a polite smile and said, “Maybe in a bit.” When I turned back around, Azurdee was gone. Shit.
The party was beginning to wind down and I still hadn’t seen Azurdee. I walked over to Jessie and when she saw me she smiled. “Hey. Looks like you might have stolen another girl’s heart. You know what this means, don’t you?”
I laughed and said, “No, what does it mean?”
“You need to come visit your new girl more often,” she said with a wink.
I nodded my head as I said, “That sounds like a plan.” I glanced around again and asked, “Have you seen Azurdee?”
She looked around and said, “No. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her in about thirty minutes. Right before Lauren went down for a nap.”
Jessie’s friend Ari walked by and said, “She’s down at the main barn. Alone, so if you want to talk to her you better get your ass down there, cowboy.”
I shook my head and laughed. There was something about that girl. Ari’s husband Jeff was a lucky son of a bitch, that was for sure.
I looked back at Jessie, “Do you need help with anything?”
She smiled softly and said, “No. Go talk to her. And Lark, think about telling her the truth. If anyone can keep her safe, it’s you.”
I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I looked down and said, “I wish that was true.”
I made my way down to the barn. When I walked in I saw her in a stall brushing a horse. She was humming and I instantly wanted to take her in my arms.
When I walked closer, I cleared my throat and said, “Hey.” She looked up and the sadness in her eyes caused my heart to feel like a knife just pierced through it.
She was never going to forgive me. In that very moment, I felt it hit me like a rock wall.
I’d lost the only woman I’d ever loved.
I found myself struggling to breathe as I watched Lark dancing with Lauren. The smile on his face was painful and I began dreaming that he was dancing with our daughter.
Then reality hit me. He didn’t want me. He didn’t want the same things I wanted, which was a future with him. A family. A life together.
When he looked at me and smiled, I tried so hard to smile back. My heart was breaking all over again.
I need to get away from him. I can’t take this pain.
I walked into the barn feeling so tired and so small. Everyone was happy and celebrating, and all I could do was think how I had finally started to feel human again when I had to see him. All the hurt and anger came flooding back.
I didn’t see him walk into the barn, but I felt him. Any time he entered a room, I could feel his energy move through the air and straight to my body.
“Hey.”
I glanced up at him and it felt like I’d died a million deaths when I looked into his eyes. I turned away and went back to brushing the horse.
When I didn’t answer him, he walked into the stall and picked up another brush and walked to the other side of the horse.
“Did Scott get a new horse?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know when they got Biscuit.”
Another minute or so went by and I couldn’t take it any longer. I took a step away from the horse and walked out of the stall. I felt him behind me. I quickly turned and looked at him.
“Why did you come down here?” I asked.
He stared at me and whispered, “I…I just wanted to be near you. I wanted to hear your voice.”
I looked at him, confused. I shook my head. “I can’t do this.” I let a sob escape and I immediately saw the pain in his eyes.
My voice cracked as I whispered, “If you don’t want me, you have to let me go.”
Lark’s eyes narrowed as they searched my face before he looked into my eyes. “No. I never said I didn’t want you.”
“You did when you let me walk away from you. When you pushed me awa
y from you. I never asked you for anything. I would have done anything for you, Lark. Gone anywhere for you. I’d have given up my dream to be with you.”
If I hadn’t known better I would swear he was tearing up.
“Just when I start feeling like I can breathe again, there you are. You show up just to remind me all over again of the pain. Then you have the nerve to tell me you just wanted to be near me.”
He stood there and said nothing. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was so confused.
“I love you, Michael. Please tell me how you feel about me. Please just tell me why you’re doing this to me.”
He looked down and then outside the barn like he was waiting for someone to walk in. When he looked back at me, he went to talk but then stopped himself.
“Say something to me! Tell me something! Anything!” I shouted as he jumped.
“Azurdee, I can’t give you what you want. Not yet anyway.”
I felt the tears begin to fall and my heart was completely shattered.
“When? When do you think you’re going to be able to, Lark? I love you and if you don’t feel the same…”
He began shaking his head. Then his cell phone went off and he pulled it out and looked at it. His eyes got big and he looked at me.
“I am…I have to go. Azurdee, please. Let me talk to you when I get back. Please.”
I shook my head. “Tell me right now. Do you love me or not?”
He didn’t say a word, and in that moment his silence told me everything I needed to know.
“I’m sorry that we don’t want the same things, but I have to say good-bye to you now. I’m officially giving up us, Lark.”
I turned and walked away from the one man I loved more than life itself.
Lark called out after me, “Azurdee! Wait! Please let me just talk to you when I get back. Please.”
I picked up my pace and as soon as I rounded the corner of the barn, I took off running as fast as I could. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to get as far away as possible.
I walked into my house and immediately walked to my bedroom and changed into a pair of comfy sweats. I walked up to my drawer and pulled it open. Lark’s T-shirt was sitting right on top. I’d put it there two months ago and hadn’t touched it.
