It was not an excuse. And it did not justify his actions. But it was not malicious either. And where Florentia clearly thought otherwise, Hudson suddenly felt pangs of guilt because although he did not love her, he did not relish the idea of upsetting her either. He was not a monster.
“Unfortunate?” she spat. “That is not the word I would?—”
“I am sorry,” Hudson said quickly. “For everything, this past month especially, I am sorry.”
She balked. “Excuse me?”
He grimaced. “Please, do not think I was avoiding you on purpose, Your Grace. And do not think I have taken pleasure in any of this. It is just that…” He looked away, suddenly unsure. “You may have noticed that I am not exactly a social butterfly.”
“That is understating it,” she snorted.
“And I often forget or don’t consider how my actions might affect others,” he pressed on. “Nothing I have done this last month is personal, I promise you that. And if you hate me for it, well…” He laughed awkwardly. “I suppose I have that coming.”
He expected her to double down on her anger.
He expected her to push for the advantage—it was what he would have done.
He expected mockery. Insults. More hostility, because surely she would not let him off so easily?
What he got instead was sympathy. The last thing he deserved, and yet another indication that he did not know his wife nearly as well as he ought.
“It is fine,” she sighed, her tone and expression softening. “And I suppose that some of the blame should lie at my feet also.”
“It should…?” He frowned.
“It is not as if I have tried to bridge the gap between us either.” She laughed. “The truth is, I have gone out of my way to avoid you too. And maybe…” she grinned, “…just a little bit of this spending was designed to annoy you.”
“Only a little?”
“You know, it does not have to be this way,” she continued, her voice cracking with what sounded like nervousness. But she looked hopeful, even excited. “You and I, I mean. We do not have to hate one another.”
“I do not hate you,” Hudson said. “Your Grace, I hope you know that at least. I could never…”
“Nor do I you,” she said. “Which is why I think we need to start again. At the very least, I believe that if we are to live together as we are. Married…” She shook her head as if she still did not believe it. “That we might be friends. Surely that is not too much to hope?”
“Friends…” Hudson said the word as if he had never heard it before. But as he spoke it, his stomach flipped with what felt like…is that excitement?“Yes, I think I would like that very much.”
“Wonderful,” she beamed.
“So…” Hudson clicked his tongue. “How shall we begin?”
She laughed. “You really are not very good at this, are you?”
“What gave it away?”
“Supper, tonight,” she said. “Let us start there. And if we can get through it without wanting to tear one another’s throat out, well…” She laughed and shook her head at the silliness. “Maybe there is hope for us after all.”
“Supper…” Hudson nodded along, liking the sound of it. “I think I can accommodate that.”
It was such a small thing, but to Hudson, it felt huge. He did not enjoy avoiding his wife. He did not enjoy fighting with her. And if this might lead to a companionship, someone whom he could speak with openly and honestly in ways that he only could with Elias, then all the better.
It was still just a marriage of convenience, he reminded himself, but hopefully one that would be well-founded by the time the evening was through.It would be about damn time.Dammit, Hudson might have even gone so far as to say that he was looking forward to it. A rare thing indeed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
As Florentia waited for her husband to join her for supper, she felt the nerves which had fluttered about inside of her all afternoon steadily grow.
Why am I feeling this way? There is no reason to be nervous. It is not as if this means anything. It is not as if I wish for it to mean anything...
