But apparently, I was the one who really needed to get used to it. Because I was miserable, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. At all.
At least you’ll get lots of practice.I’d be spending as much time away from Thaleo as I was with him. Alternating weeks here and there for the foreseeable future. Until something for one – or both of us – changed. And then I might not be spending any time with him at all.
The thought was so damn depressing that it forced me to come to terms with just how deep my feelings for Thaleo had already grown. I had told him that I couldn’t fall for him if I wouldn’t be able to stay with him.
I was falling for him anyway.
Which told me I probably needed to end this thing between us. As soon as I got back. Before I had the chance to fall any deeper into this hole that seemed to have no real way out.
Thaleo would never choose me without the Vrika.
And I could never be with someone who didn’t choose me.
At least, I didn’t think I could. But there had been desperate little moments, here and there, where I got pouty and just wished that the Vrika would come to him and show him my stupid face. At least it would give Thaleo some relief. Because he’d no longer be fighting a desire for me and a desire to adhere to the Vrika’s will. There was so much trauma and blood and identity bound up for him that I couldn’t even blame him for his rigid thinking on this subject anymore. If the Vrika came for him, bonded him to me, then maybe, in a way, he’d be finally free. To simply want something for himself.
And more than anything, I wanted that sort of freedom for him.
I wanted it so badly that I even realized I’d be happy for him if he did get a mate vision of someone else. I mean, I’d also probably feel like my heart just got stomped on if that actually happened. But I wanted to see him be able to take solace in another person – in love. Because what I had with him wasn’t solace. I knew it wasn’t. It was raw and urgent and left both of us feeling more than a little torn up inside.
Aware of all of this, aware that we really needed to stop before somebody got hurt, it wasn’t with excitement that I boarded Valeria’s shuttle to return to Thaleo’s mountain after a week had passed. Fiona and I were truly quite a pair – dour and quiet. I felt bad for Tilly, who tried to keep the energy of our little group going with dogged determination. She chattered away as we all buckled ourselves in to our seats. Oxriel and Zoren sat down on the floor. Valeria and Grim were up front in the cockpit. The engines started up, and my stomach did a nervous flip-flop as we began to ascend. I’d be seeing Thaleo soon.Today.
Suddenly, Valeria’s voice drew our attention to the front of the shuttle.
“What is he doing here?” Then, she flinched and made a sound of surprise when something big and hard clattered violently against her viewscreen. Fiona, Tilly, and I all looked at each other in alarm. An arrow? Was someone launching an attack?
Who would do such a thing? Surely not Thaleo…
What is he doing here?It had been someone Valeria hadn’t expected to see in Gahn Errok’s territory. Someone she recognized…
“Hold on, everybody,” she said, viciously banging on buttons and dials. “Unexpected landing taking place.”
“Was it an arrow?” Tilly asked, giving voice to the question inside my own head. Oxriel and Zoren were on their feet the moment the shuttle touched back down, weapons ready in their hands.
“No,” Valeria snapped, getting out of her seat. “It was his fucking spear.”
“Dalk,” Fiona whispered as Valeria stomped over to the shuttle’s doors and opened them.
“Yup,” she muttered as she jumped out. “Motherfucking Dalk.”
Fiona fumbled with her harness, then practically leaped out of her seat, following Valeria to exit the shuttle. Oxriel blocked her. “Wait a moment, Fiona,” he said. “Wait until we make sure he is alright. Throwing spears at the shuttle does not imply that he is of sound mind.”
They argued for a moment, until Fiona finally seemed to convince him enough that he didn’t stop her from vaulting out the shuttle’s doors. Voices from outside drifted in, raised in anger.
“You do not ever throw a weapon at my ship!” Valeria was shouting. “You could have damaged it. You could have killed someone!”
“I was not about to let you take her back to Gahn Thaleo’s now,” came Dalk’s growling reply.
“You already told me that!” Valeria cried. “And asIalready toldyou, whether you have a mate or not, you do not get to throw a temper tantrum and compromise my ship and crew!”
“Dalk!” That was Fiona’s voice now.
“Oh for fuck’s sake…Fine,” said Valeria. “I am not finished with you, Dalk. But I also need to get this flight underway. So you two sort out your shit, would you? We’ll be at Gahn Thaleo’s.”
“I don’t have to go?” Fiona asked. Tilly and I raised our eyebrows at each other.
“Nope!” Valeria replied. “No more trips to Gahn Thaleo’s for you. You’re off the hook.”
A second later, she was swinging her tall body back into the shuttle, closing the door and directing Oxriel to sit back down.
