“Let’s see them move. Walk them toward the truck for me,” he said.
“Why?” I asked, but the man didn’t answer. I ran up beside Bear and tried to grab Guthrie’s lead line from him, but Bear pushed me away. I stumbled backward and fell hard against the ground.
“Easy, Bear,” the man said sharply. He walked over to me and reached out his hand. I pushed it away.
“What do you want with my horses?”
“Yourhorses?” I did not like the way he smiled. “I thought they belonged to your brother.”
“Of course they do, Lawton.” Bear’s voice was cold. “She’s a little girl. She doesn’t even own the clothes on her back.”
“That’s not true,” Amir said. He stood beside me, turning that knife over in his hand, his body betraying the emotion he managed to keep from his voice. “Jacob gave Old Mister to me. Guthrie is Merrow’s. You know that, Bear.”
Lawton’s lips were set in a grim line as he listened to Amir, but when he turned toward me, his expression relaxed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m taking these horses with me. I have grandchildren who are going to take great care of them.”
Bear took the stack of bills that Lawton gave him and tucked them into the pocket of his jeans. As I watched Bear load the horses into Lawton’s trailer, I felt as though a piece of my own body were being ripped from me and there was nothing I could do about it. I grew hot with a familiar mix offrustration and rage. If I loved something, Bear would take it from me.
“NO!” I screamed. I ran at my brother, fire in my throat, but it was the terrible old man, Lawton, who grabbed me and held me in his arms as I kicked and thrashed.
“Put her down!” I heard Amir say.
“Walk away, boy,” Lawton said in a voice as low as a growl. “Walk away if you know what’s good for you.”
But Amir didn’t walk away. Lawton’s grip around my waist tightened. “Now, child,” he said to me. “Don’t be too hard on your big brother. He has a lot on his shoulders. You and that... that Indian boy to look after at his young age. These horses are going to a good home. You don’t have to worry about them. And in exchange I think you’re going to be seeing a bit more food on your plate in the months ahead.” When I finally stopped kicking, he set me down. His leathery hand encircled my biceps, squeezing it. “Skinny thing like you needs more food, and now you’ll have it. Maybe some new clothes, too. A pretty dress instead of those boys’ clothes. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
I sniffed. “Sure, that would be nice. But keeping my horses would be nicer. I hope you’re happy with yourself, Lawton, taking a pony from a child.”
For a second, Lawton just stared at me. Then he broke into a big laugh that made my cheeks burn. He laughed so hard tears came to his eyes.
“Sugar-and-Spice, isn’t that what your daddy called you?” he asked. “I just remembered. Boy, he sure hit the nail on thehead, didn’t he?” He walked to the cab of his silver truck, still shaking his head with laughter.
Amir stood beside me, his face red. We hadn’t even had a chance to give the horses a proper goodbye. I couldn’t remember my life without Guthrie in it; he’d been my pony since before I could walk.
“We’ll get them back,” I said.
Amir put his hand on my shoulder, but he didn’t answer. In his silence, I realized that it was silly to think that I would ever see Guthrie again. I hated my brother. Lawton didn’t know what he was talking about when he said that I should be kinder to Bear; my brother was cruel and bitter. My father had managed to keep us all fed and clothed and happy without ever selling something any one of us loved.
Lawton slowed the truck as he drove past us. He leaned his elbow on the open window and called to me. For a moment, my heart soared. Maybe he’d changed his mind! Maybe he’d let us keep the horses and the money, too, now that he’d seen how we needed it.
But when I ran to the truck he handed me a dollar. The bill was warm and smooth in my hand.
“Get yourself a candy bar.” He grinned at me as though he expected me to be delighted. “Add some more sugar to that sugar-and-spice heart of yours.”
The truck hadn’t even made it to the road before Bear strode over and yanked the dollar from my hand.
“Hey!” I said. But I didn’t run after him to try to get it back,and neither did Amir. When Bear wanted something, he took it. There was nothing we could do to stop him.
IRONICALLY, THE SHEDturned out to be one of the few places we felt free of Bear. In its dusty corners we stored collections of shells and smooth stones and sea glass, interesting pieces of driftwood, books, and my collection of journals from Teacher Julie. We didn’t know why Bear didn’t come in and steal these things from us, but he didn’t. The freedom made us bold. We wove nests from twigs and strung them from the shed’s ceiling with fishing line so they looked as though they were suspended in air. We filled the nests with five tiny birds that Amir carved and I painted red with the old lean-to paint that I found on a shelf. Five birds to represent my mother and father, Amir’s mother, and Amir’s birth parents, whoever they were. We dotted the shelves with snail shells that we found in the garden. At night, the light from the candles we lit bounced off the shells, making them glow. We spoke loudly in the shed, filling it with our laughter. Sleeping there did not feel like a punishment; it felt like a refuge.
During the day we spent our time studying with Rei, working in the garden and orchard, exploring the caves that pocked the cliff where it met the beach, and wandering through the eucalyptus grove. We avoided the cottage when Rei wasn’t there for fear of running into Bear.
When we did cross his path, Bear would mutter insults about us being no better than the feral cats that prowled the alleybehind the Osha co-op. He never said anything about the fact that I no longer slept in the cottage. I assumed he was happy to have the house to himself, just as I was happy to know that Bear wasn’t under the same roof as me while I slept. Amir and I even briefly considered moving our beds into the shed, but decided not to when we realized that Rei would notice. She’d been looking through the cottage during her last visit and had stopped in the doorframe of our old bedroom. The beds were neatly made with the same sheets that had been on them for months.
“Are the two of you still sharing one room?” she asked. “Even now that there are three bedrooms available?”
We glanced at each other before nodding.
“One of you should sleep in Jacob’s room. Or Bear should, and then one of you can take his room.”
