A crippling panic worked itself over my body. I didn’t like what I thought Alex was saying or what she might be implying. “So what are you trying to say? You don’t want to be a part of my world?”
Reaching past me, she picked up Mama Liz’s body wash. Taking my hand, she squirted some in my palm. “I don’t think I can take a washcloth on my skin right now. Will you be easy?”
I cocked my brows at her. “Will you answer my question?”
She raised her eyes to meet mine. “I can’t right now.”
“You can’t or won’t?”
“I just can’t,” she whispered.
“Fine.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath. Although I couldn’t imagine her not in my world, I had to admit that it made sense she might not want to be in it. Without another word, I rubbed my hands together to make a lather. “Turn around,” I instructed.
Slowly, she pivoted to where her back faced me. As gently as I could, I reached my hands out to touch the broken and puckered skin where that bastard must have hit her with his belt. I knew the look of the marks all too well from when my old man used to beat me when I was a kid. She jumped the moment I touched her. I don’t know if it was from the pain or from how intimately my hands were on her. Glancing over her shoulder at me, she threw me a shy glance. “That okay?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I washed down her arms and her lower back. When I got to her buttocks, I drew in a breath. Although sex should have been the farthest thing from my mind, I couldn’t help admiring the swell of her ass, the way the globes felt when I rubbed over them. Silently, I willed myself to think of anything but sex. Instead, I focused on how I was going to pick her attacker to pieces just as soon as I could get a moment alone.
When I finished the backs of her legs, I stood up. “Turn,” I commanded again. She obediently followed my instructions. As if on autopilot, her arms came up to cross over her breasts, modestly covering them from me. “Babe, I had my mouth on those earlier tonight if you remember correctly.”
Her cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head. I groaned and ran a soapy hand through my hair. “Shit, I’m sorry. That was a bastard move to remind you of earlier considering what all you’ve been through.”
“It’s okay,” she whispered.
“No it’s not. It’s exactly why I wanted Mama Liz or Kim in here with you. I’m fucking this up and hurting you.”
Her gaze jerked to mine. “How many times do I have to say that it’s only you I want? I need you Deacon. I really do.”
Cocking my brows at her, I countered, “Yeah, and not five minutes ago you were acting like you were gonna bail on me and this outlaw life just as fast as you could.”
Her dark eyes flashed with anger. “Can you just for a moment try to put yourself in my shoes? I didn’t grow up in this world. I’m not used to bad blood and turf wars. Then I got the shit beaten out of me tonight and almost raped. I’m sorry if it’s past your comprehension that I might need a minute or two to catch my breath.”
My head jerked back like she had slapped me. “Jesus.”
Taking the shampoo bottle, she slammed it against my chest. “Wash your hair.”
I bit my tongue before saying,No one fucking bosses me around. Instead, I cut her a break and squirted the shampoo in my hands. As I lathered up my hair, Alexandra took the body wash and poured some in her hand. With a harsher touch than I had used, she began to wash my arms and chest. My hands stilled in my hair as I watched her work.
In that moment, I knew I didn’t want her to leave. It wasn’t just about feeling some bullshit need to protect her after what had happened. It was deeper than that. Little by little, she had chiseled away at my resolve not to ever care about another woman. While she was so fucking wrong for me, she was also so fucking right.
Her face was mere inches from mine when I whispered, “Don’t leave.”
Tilting her head, she gazed up at me. “Why?” she questioned in almost a whisper.
“Because I don’t want you to.”
“Why?” she repeated.
Gritting my teeth, I glared down at her. “Because I fucking don’t want to see your aggravating ass go.”
She blinked before turning back to the spray to rinse her hands of the soap. When she started to reach for the curtain, I grabbed her hand. “Because I care about you. A lot.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I fucking do.”
“I care about you, too.” Alex’s hand came up to cup my cheek. “And because of how I feel about you, I really don’t want to go anywhere.”
