“I don’t mean to.” I trail my fingers down to her chin, lifting it so she’ll meet my eyes. “But you make me pretty damn nervous, too, if it helps.”
She blushes again, forcing a brittle smile that doesn’t quite meet her eyes.
“Was our date that bad?” I ask tentatively. “Because until this morning, I was under the impression that it went pretty damn well.”
“It wasn’t the date,” she replies with a quick shake of her head. “But after…” she trails off, uncertainty straining her voice.
“What happened?” I question, trying my best to be patient and not to press too hard, despite the fact that not knowing has been slowly killing me.
Blair shifts her weight, blowing out a measured breath like she’s trying to center herself. “After you dropped me off here, I ran into Dylan’s best friend,” she murmurs. “It freaked me out.”
“Oh,” I breathe, flinching back in surprise. “Well shit, that explains a lot.”
“Yeah.”
“And here I was, thinking you just weren’t that into me,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood with humor even while voicing a very real fear of mine.
She reaches over to set a hand on my thigh. “That’s not it,” she reassures, staring into my eyes earnestly. “I had a great time on our date, Matty. Thebesttime. But then… I don’t know, I justfelt so damn guilty for it, like I had no right to be out enjoying life after Dylan’s was cut short.”
“You deserve to move on and be happy, Blair,” I say firmly, covering her hand with my own and giving it a squeeze. “I want to be the guy who shows you that.”
Her eyes round in sadness. “Even if it’s doomed?”
“Why would it be doomed?”
She gestures between the two of us. “You’re human. I’m a shifter.”
“So?” I scoff. “That doesn’t mean we’re doomed. Cam’s parents were a human and a shifter.”
“Yeah, and look how that turned out,” she snorts.
I wince, because she’s got a point. “I just mean we’re not physically incompatible,” I say.
She sinks her teeth into her lower lip, heated gaze flickering down my body. “Well obviously.”
That miniscule action brings back a rush of memories, images of what we just got up to in the shower playing through my mind.
Shit, I’m getting hard again just thinking about it.
“You know what I think?” I ask, reaching down to discreetly adjust myself in my athletic shorts as I pull a leg up on the bed and twist to face her. “I don’t think you’re scared that it can’t work between us, Blair. I think it scares you that it might. That we could be good together, because you don’t think you deserve anything good after losing your mate. But youdo, Blair. You just need to get out of your own way and be open to letting it happen.”
Her throat bobs with a swallow as she averts her eyes, nodding stiffly. Silence falls between us, and I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head while she considers my words.
“What was it like?” she asks after a minute, throwing me off balance with her abrupt change of subject. “Being in the Guild. You said you had an uncle who was a member, were the two of you close?”
“Not particularly,” I mumble, searching for a way to explain my complicated past in a way she’ll understand. “Honestly, I didn’t even know him that well, but my choices after high school were the military or the Guild, and he convinced me to choose the Guild. I got to know him a little better while I was with them, but I wouldn’t say we were everclose. Doesn’t mean I don’t grieve him, though.”
Blair nods as she listens intently, the full weight of her attention making my chest tighten.
“I don’t regret helping take down the Guild,” I say, my voice gravelly with emotion. “But I do regret that so many people had to die. A lot of them weren’t bad people, they just didn’t know any better. They were indoctrinated to look at the world in a certain way.”
“Like you?” she asks, her tone devoid of the usual sarcasm she typically employs when discussing this topic, like she’s actually trying to understand rather than judge.
I swallow thickly, nodding. “Yeah, like me. I should’ve questioned things more, but I just took what they taught me at face value. I was told werewolves were dangerous, so I honestly believed I was saving people by taking them out. Once my eyes were opened to the truth, I knew how wrong I’d been, but I couldn’t go back and erase what I’d done. I just resolved to do better in the future and make up for it somehow.” I scrub a hand over my face, exhaling a ragged breath. “Some of those guys were firm in their beliefs, but maybe others would’ve come around if they had someone to show them another way. Maybe they could’ve been saved, if given the chance.”
Blair weaves her fingers through my own, giving my hand a little squeeze. “Grief’s a real bitch, huh?”
“It really is,” I reply solemnly.
