Anna turns toward me, light reflecting off the glitter in her dark purple eyeshadow. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, but I avoid her pitying gaze by studying the oversized black-and-white prints hanging on the wall. “I just want to go to bed.”
“Okay… I’m here for you, Ella. Whatever you need.” She hesitates for a moment, then flings her arms around me and crushes me against her short frame.
Arms hanging limply by my sides, I close my eyes and let her hold me. “Thanks, Anna.”
She releases me and cracks a sad grin. “God, youreekof smoke.”
I sniff the collar of my leather jacket, but I can’t smell anything. “I didn’t have time to get any fresh clothes.”
Anna inclines her head toward the wardrobe, a sequined sleeve pinched between the closed doors. “I’ve been using this room as a second wardrobe. Take anything you want. I’ll just grab you some pajamas.” She ducks into her bedroom and returns with a purple and gold set.
“Thank you,” I say. “I’m only staying tonight. I’ll find somewhere else tomorrow.”
Anna scrunches her nose. “Why? The room’s empty, and it’s beensuperdull since Jamie dropped out.” She gestures her head toward the front door. “The place opposite’s empty too. Please move in?”
“I could never afford it.” My throat constricts. I don’t have property insurance, and until my house is assessed structurally, I’m homeless.What am I going to do?
“Don’t worry about that. My dad owns the building.” Anna’s face lights up. “I know, you can tutor me in exchange for board. Dad’s been begging me to get my grades up.”She places her hands on my shoulders. “Stay as long as you need.”
My body’s tingling, a buzzing energy radiating heat beneath my skin. My fingers extend through clear air, toward a wall of sparkling white light. The sun warms my skin, but above me is more of the shimmering light, each dense ray refracting away from me, encasing me inside an iridescent dome.
Closing my eyes, I inhale salty air, tinged with coconut sunscreen. Waves break against the shore and seagulls screech somewhere in the distance. I move forward, and the light-free circle moves with me, its diameter increasing with each step to reveal a tiny playground beside the beach.
A girl skips past me.
“Mari, come here.”
The soft, familiar voice startles me, the speaker obscured behind the wall of light. I step toward the voice, and the rays bounce backward.
A woman sits on a wooden bench at the playground’s edge. Chest aching, I stare at her, my mother. Her wavy chestnut hair is pulled back into a messy bun, and love and adoration burn in her blue-brown eyes.
Ten years on and our similarities have only grown.
The young girl bounds toward my mother with the same exuberance that swirls within my own chest, despite the silent tears sliding down my cheeks. I search for any signs of illness, but my mother’s face is healthy, a ripe blush in the apples of her cheeks.
“Mommy,” my younger self squeals. She hugs my mother, and her fresh, citrus scent floods my nostrils. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, savoring the smell. How had I forgotten?
“Happy birthday, Mari. I’ve missed you,” my mother says, stroking the girl’s head. Somehow, I can feel her cool hands on my forehead, as if it’smyhair she’s brushing away from my face.
“Mommy, when are you coming home?” the girl asks.
My mother places her hands on the girl’s cheeks, cocooning her round face. “The second I can, sweet girl.”
The little girl’s mouth pulls to the side, a slight frown on her face. “Sarah Walker and the girls at boarding school said you’re crazy. They said you tried to run away.” Tears pool in her eyes. “Promise if you do, you’ll take me with you?”
My mother dips her head to bring their gazes level, hands still holding her tiny face. “I’d never leave you, Mari. Never.” She pulls the girl toward her, her head nestled over my mother’s heart. “You’re the light of my life,” my mother whispers, her voice wavering with emotion. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Releasing the girl, my mother unclasps a rose-gold, heart-shaped necklace from her own neck and secures it around the girl’s. “Happy birthday, special girl.”
I’m oblivious to the reapproaching wall of white, but it’s upon me in seconds, encasing me in a tunnel of blinding light. My mother’s muffled words fade away. A cool breeze ripples over my skin and voices sing out in the distance, strange and distorted, like a recording in slow motion.
Eyes watering, I squint through the impenetrable beams, but they’re no easier to discern than the blinding rays of the sun. I close my eyes and exhale, switching my focus to the voices.
A man’s deep chuckle echoes around me, growing sharper as he approaches. My eyes snap open and the wall of light has regressed, as if repelled from my body by an invisible force.
Smoke laces the frosty air, stinging my throat after the humidity in my previous dream. I walk forward and my boots sink into thick snow. The light-reflective circle moves again with me, expanding to expose numerous tall pines.
An adult version of myself steps inside my circle of clarity, and my legs halt. Unaware of my presence, my dream-self walks past me with confident, purposeful strides. Long, wavy hair hangs past bony shoulders, her physique slight compared to the fullness of my own.
