Anna’s voice registers, and my eyes snap open. Dragging my feet, I cross the living area and open the door. It’s odd, Anna standing on my dingy porch in her designer clothing and studded stilettos. I curl my hands inside the bottom of the same oversized top I’ve worn for the past three days.
Anna pushes her way inside, heels clicking on the scuffed floorboards. “I’ve been trying to—” Her mouth drops as she looks around my mother’s house and back at me. “Call you.”
“My phone died.”
She exhales and passes me a tote bag, the sequins on her dress swishing. “You left these at my place. You didn’t need to move out.”
I peer into the bag, filled with my mother’s journals. “Thanks,” I say, placing them on the dining table.
“I didn’t read them,” Anna says, pursing her dark red lips. “If you were wondering.”
I nod and, for the first time in our friendship, an awkward silence hangs in the air between us. I flick away the current jumping between my fingertips.
Anna takes a step toward me, rolling her shoulders like she’s preparing for battle. “Why did you lie to me?” she asks. “I thought we were friends.”
The waver of her voice hits me like a jab to the heart. I’ve hurt her, and after everything she’s done for me… She’s better off without me.
Anna’s wide, glassy eyes don’t stray from mine. “Did you not think you could trust me?”
The stabbing sensation worsens. “Of course I did,” I say.
“Well then why?” she cries, searching my face for answers I can’t give her. After a moment of silence, she turns toward the door.
“Wait,” I blurt. I need to give her something. So she knows this is all on me. That she’s been nothing but a wonderful friend who deserves better. “I lied because you were the first friend I’d ever had, and I wanted you to think I was normal.”
She tilts her head, her nose scrunching. “You are normal.”
“But I’m not. I haven’t been my whole life. At school, I never fit in. Then my mother got sick, and it became so much worse… I was the girl whose mother ‘went crazy and killed herself’. Every single day was hell, and when I started college, I made a decision to do everything I could to blend in. Build a normal life. I changed the way I dressed, and I never drew attention to myself in class. I didn’t even plan on making any friends, but then you sat next to me, and you kept sitting with me… and we became close.”
“So why didn’t you tell me then?”
Tears pool in my eyes. “Because I was afraid you’d push me away, like Silas. I opened up to him about my life and my past, and he—I couldn’t risk losing you too.”
“You should’ve trusted me,” she says, smearing black tears across her cheeks and storming to the door. She grasps the handle, her manicured fingers white. Her shoulders creep up, then she drops her hand and her face whips to me. “You know, Ella, when we met, you were awkward and quiet, sure, but what I liked most was that you didn’t judge me. My whole family—and many of my friends—think I’m a joke, but everything they teased me about, who I am and the way I live my life, you looked up to me for.”
She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. “I liked you from the start because I thought you weren’t like all the other fake bitches I knew. You never judged me. EvenafterI sat next to you for an entire lecture calling you the wrong name.” Her bitter laugh is like a stab to my gut. “I guess the joke’s on me. I was dumb enough to fall for your act.” She eyes me up and down, mouth twisted like she’s ingested something stale. “You wanted to fit in and be like everyone else? I think you’ll be fine.” With one last resigned glance, she steps onto my porch and shuts my front door.
Tears rolling down my cheeks, I stand by the door on numb legs. I’d always wondered why Anna kept me as a friend. It wasn’t because I was trying to be something I wasn’t—it was because I gave her the freedom to be herself. But now she’s hurting, because of me. Because I didn’t reciprocate her trust.
I’m reminded of the many occasions Anna invited me to go to her family dinners and hang out with her friends.
“I’d love someone to take the attention off me.”
All this time, I thought she was just being nice. But she wanted backup. And I let her down.
I yank open the front door, current buzzing down my legs, and storm across the front lawn toward Anna’s Jeep. I don’t care if she thinks I’m crazy, or different. As long as she doesn’t believe I share similarities with the people in her life who’ve hurt her. All that matters is proving I was worthy of her friendship.
“Anna, wait,” I call.
Tears spilling onto her cheeks, she gets into her car and slams the door with such force, the faux lipstick hanging from her mirror swings. I open the passenger door and jump in. “I don’t think you’re a joke.”
She turns to me, hands clutching the steering wheel. “Is that why you created a fake friend, so you had an excuse not to spend time with me?”
“Of course not.” How can I prove to her it’s the opposite? That I’ve always looked up to her, with her bold opinions and the way she’s uniquely herself. That deep down, a part of me has always wished to have one ounce of her confidence. “At first, when I said I was with Sarah, I was here, alone. It wasn’tyouI didn’t want to be around, it was—all the other people. Groups scare me, okay? And the thought of hanging out with you and more than one other friend was overwhelming.”
“And after you moved into my place?”
I promised Parker and Rose I wouldn’t tell anyone about the time we spent together. So how do I tell Anna I was with a man from my future? That I’m a time traveler?
