“Okay...”
“Let’s not tell him that I’m here with you, okay? I want to surprise him when we get to Suryavana.”
Vee looks faintly amused, in the way that sometimes reminds me he’s maturing more and more every day; a small kick to the chest, an urge to hold him tight and never let go. But he doesn’t question me, because he has never had to before. He simply shrugs.
“Okay. I won’t tell him.”
I must do a good job of hiding how much that hurts because he bounds away again without looking back. Tanisira gives me a few moments to collect myself, so I’m obviously not doing that good of a job. Now Dominik has made a liar out of both of us.
“Can we wait until their call is over before we start?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. It feels like I have acid in my chest.
“Of course.”
“I just... he’s a kid, you know? He could let something slip by accident, and I don’t want to be stuck in the airlock if he does.”
Tanisira, thankfully, doesn’t bother to remind me that she’s a grown woman with a brain and five working senses. She sits back down, and I do the same, and I pretend to pick at the food even though there’s no way I could possibly eat anything now. And I think about my kid in another room and the second crack that just formed in our foundation.
I should be happy—I didn’t expect Dominik to reach out at all. I wanted him to try harder, to make an effort with his son, and any time he interacts with Vee without Opal as a go-between is agoodthing. It’s just unfortunate that he chose now to start.
A Caustic Race
Vee’s call only lasted five minutes and they apparently didn’t talk about much; it was just a check in. Dominik asked if he liked the ship, if he’d used the arcade yet, and if he’d heard from me. It leads me to realise that I should have faked some calls, a whole slew of angry messages and threats about reporting Dominik to the authorities. It’s been days of radio silence. He knows me. He knows I’d never let him do this without putting up a fight. Unease eats at me. It’d be more suspicious if I suddenly started peppering him now, after days of nothing.
In the end, I’m so overwhelmed that I decide to do nothing and hope Dominik’s arrogant enough to believe I’ve been shocked into non-action.
Tanisira leads me to the airlock in a not-entirely horrible silence. I expect her to slow her pace or try to support me, maybe, and so I’m relieved when she doesn’t. It gives me the time I need to decompress, limp or no—because at some point, it came back. There’s a pressure in my hips, as familiar as it is uncomfortable, accompanied by a slew of burning pains that lick up and down my legs. I welcome it; combined with thoughts of Dominik, I’m too preoccupied to develop much anxiety about the looming spacewalk. I grit my teeth and try to sink into the sensations shifting through my creaky body. It’s a change for me; I usually just ignore them.
The distraction works because when Tanisira helps me into my EVA suit, her energy snappy and efficient, I manage to not shut down again. There’s so much padding that I can’t even see my tremors. I plop down on the bench, the sound of my heavy breaths bouncing softly around the helmet. These things must cost thousands. I make an effort to move with more care.
“This is my first time on a ship,” I blurt.
Tanisira pauses in the process of preparing her suit. “I gathered. Even if you had been on one before, it wouldn’t make a spacewalk any less daunting.” She hesitates. “I wouldn’t inflict this on you if I didn’t need your help.”
“I know.”
It’s kind of her to say and somewhat reassuring: I am not trained for this. I help her don a suit but she only accepts my assistance out of politeness, I think, because her movements are swift and confident. She’s certainly done this many times before. It takes so long to put these things on. When we’re both ready, she sits beside me without the heavy, breathless noise I had made.
“Half an hour of pure oxygen and then we can go.”
Kit, listening as always, activates the vents in our helmets. “Depressurisation of the airlock beginning now, Captain Tanisira.”
The tang of metal permeates every gulp of air I take. There’s so much ambient noise, but it feels like sitting in silence. I clear my throat and wriggle on the bench, trying to find a sweet spot—the EVA suits arenotmade for sitting in.
Tanisira’s head swivels. “How are you feeling?”
“Peachy.”
“You said that earlier. I guessed the reference, but whatdoesit mean?”
Despite myself, a smile flashes across my face. She probably speaks more languages than I do, but I like being able to correct or define things she’s unsure of. I don’t know why. It’s not something I’ve ever noticed in myself before. Maybe it’s because she shares her gorgeous language with me so fully, crafting art in ways that I will never be able to. Her intelligence—her competence—is intimidating. This, at least, I can offer her.
“It means I’m doing great.”
“Hmm.” She nods, looking contemplative. “But sarcastic? At least, the way you say it.”
“I guess so, yeah.”
“Quite a caustic race, Tellurians.”
