Her hands pause in my hair, and I barely refrain from whimpering. I shouldn’t get used to this.
“No one’s ever done this for you, have they?” Marlowe asks in disbelief.
“No.”
“Because you didn’t let them?” She sounds as though she wants that to be the truth of it.
The truth of it is that no one has ever cared whether I was in pain or not. Marlowe’s fingers running through the wet strands of my hair are more than just wonderful—they’re inaugural.
Every time I feel her breath coast across my face, mingled with the steam of the bathwater and the scents of nature, my heart flutters. This is a gift, and she doesn’t even know it.
“Thank you,” I say. I don’t want her to be upset. Someone in her life showed her this kindness, and now she’s bestowing it on me. But it was never modelled for me, and you can’t miss something you never had, right?
But Marlowe is stubborn, and even in my ‘delicate’ state, it seems she won’t be swayed. “You didn’t answer my question.”
I sigh. “No, no one ever offered to do this for me.”
There’s a pause.
“Is it really sad a part of me is glad about that? It means I get to be the first woman who took care of you when you needed it.”
Her words slice through me in the loveliest, deadliest way.
“Marlowe,” I whisper, closing my eyes. A part of me wishes she wouldn’t say things like this to me, but how could Inotwant to hear those honeyed words?
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s just... new to me.”
The next thing I know, her hands are sliding down the slopes of my shoulders and over my chest, meeting at my sternum. It’s not sexual; Marlowe sinks forward, pressing her cheek against the top of my head, enveloping me in her arms.
“You deserved to be looked after, Tee. I’m sorry you never were.”
Shit. My eyes prickle, but I don’t dare move, not wanting to break this embrace. Which might, arguably, be the one thing I’ve needed the most for years.
After my bath, Marlowe helps me into a soft dressing gown she found in the guest changing room. She must have raided the med bay thoroughly because a box of tampons sits next to my clothes alongside a heat patch that will stretch across my stomach.
It’s almost unbearably thoughtful, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I catch her hand as she goes to leave, and she startles before melting into my arms. Pressing her close, I nudge her jaw with my nose, drag my mouth up to hers and kiss her deeply, wanting to show her how much I appreciate today. How much I appreciate her. I would tell her, but I’ve noticed that sometimesmy honesty can scare her. I don’t want to take her out of the moment.
So I just hold Marlowe tighter, speak my thanks into her skin with my tongue.
Lethal
Several things happen: my mood takes a dive, Marlowe’s energy levels peak, and we break Julian.
The rest of the afternoon passes quickly. Liz helps Marlowe and me smooth, shape, and cure the dents in the hull, but it’s no longer urgent; with the patches applied, all sensors are back in working order. The crew prepares to land at Novus Junction the next morning, and, though it feels bittersweet, it couldn’t come soon enough. Marlowe takes the last shot of Neuro-Syn 23 that night. Despite her insistence that it’s fine, I hate the sight of that empty packaging.
Somehow, Vee convinces everyone to meet him in the arcade for a Mario Kart tournament. The new arrivals have alreadylearned that the longer you know the boy, the harder it is to say no to him. Whilst Liz and Beau face off with vintage controllers, I lean against the bulkhead and try to think around the corner I’ve backed myself into.
On a way station as big as Novus, you’d assume it would be easy to source medicine. In a way, it is. The problem begins when the dispenser is allowed to dictate its own rules. With minimal law keeping on Novus, regulations leave something to be desired. There are so many governments trying to lay claim to it that it’s all tied up in a political wasteland. Out of necessity, the station hub itself is a neutral ground and well-protected, but the outskirts fall into a judicial void. Sometimes prices are jacked sky high, sometimes the medicine is just a sugar solution, and sometimes you enter looking for a cure and leave minus an organ. If you leave at all. The privatised ports and franchise hotels are heavily patrolled, but the rest of Novus functions in disorder.
There’s a way around the charlatans if you have contacts, and I have them... I just wish I didn’t have to use them. But I’ll do whatever’s necessary to get my hands on that medicine, because I care about Marlowe more than I can make sense of. She brought something into my life I didn’t know I could have. It makes me wonder if I could be happy one day. If I could deserve it.
The thing is, I don’t know if I can share my past with Marlowe. And, as things stand, I care more about her opinion of me than I ever thought possible. She took care of me today—the idea of her regretting that makes me feel sick to my stomach.
The noise in the arcade reaches a fever pitch, snapping me out of my head. Marlowe’s dancing around the room with Beau, celebrating a win. She meets my gaze over their shoulder and grins, waving me over. I shake my head. I’m no fun right now, and besides, it’s the last night with the brothers andLiz onboard—she should enjoy it. But Marlowe—hopped up on rejuvenated synapses or something—decides that she’s had enough of grumps. She marches over, grabs my hand, swings by the chair Julian’s slumped in and drags him along too.
