‘Are they making you sad, too?’
She shooed a non-existent fly away, delaying the inevitable but only by a few seconds. ‘No, why?’
‘Because.’ He laid the roller in the paint tray then pulled her into his arms and tipped her chin up. ‘I know this look. You’re trying not to cry.’
‘I’m not.’Liar.
He pressed his lips together, wisely dubious, but let the matter slide. ‘Time for a break, I think.’
She let him lead her through the house and out onto her beautiful new deck, but not even her favourite view could cheer her up. She was a slave to her own neurotic thoughts.
‘Better?’ Noah was leaning on the railing, though his attention was on her.
She blinked. ‘Hmm?’
‘Away from the fumes.’
‘Oh.’ She nodded. ‘Yeah, thanks.’
A beat passed, then he dropped his head, as if in resignation, or perhaps frustration.
Suddenly, she was on high alert, hypervigilant to the nuances in his behaviour—a reaction common among autistic people, apparently.
Rocking back on his heels, he pulled on the balustrade then released it and turned to her, his gaze searching for answers. ‘Look, I don’t know what’s happening and that’s okay. I’m not saying I have to know everything that’s going on with you. But I do know that you haven’t been yourself this past week. I just—If it’s something I’ve said or done, I need you to tell me.’
‘What? No.’ How could he think that? ‘You haven’t done anything.’
He scrubbed his hands over his face. ‘Then what is it? Are things between us moving too fast? Because we can put the brakes on. You won’t hurt my feelings if you want to take a step back.’
‘No!’ She shook her head violently. That was the last thing she wanted!
Determined to make him believe her, she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest, fusing her body to his. ‘I don’t feel that wayat all, I promise. Everything’s perfect, you’re perfect. Or perfect for me, anyway.’
He relaxed, the tension easing from his body as his arms came around her. ‘Okay, well, I get that maybe you don’t want to talk about whatever’s going on, but promise me you’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.’ He kissed the top of her head.
Tears pricked at her eyes and she squeezed them shut. ‘I promise.’Liar.‘But, honestly, it’s nothing.’
Her heart was breaking, tearing right down the middle. She’d come such a long way, had learned to share what was on her mind, butthis? This she couldn’t tell him. Not yet. She needed to come to terms with it herself first. Then again, maybe she didn’t have to tell him, or anyone, because did it really matter?
It might.
The thought sent a brutal shiver through her body. What if she told Noah and he rejected her? What if he decided it was all too much and walked away?
She wasn’t sure she’d survive the pain of losing him.
Why was life so damn unfair! Just when she was on the cusp of having everything she’d ever wanted, she was dealt yet another devastating blow.
Hugging him tighter, she mumbled, ‘It’s just a headache, that’s all.’
Noah rubbed her back. ‘Why don’t you take off, get some rest? I can finish up here.’
‘I think I will.’ Her head was a mess and she wasn’t being much help anyway. ‘But I really need to see Flo before I go.’
She hadn’t checked on Flo all week, despite the vow she’d made. The need to find answers was too great, the pull to learn all she could too intense. She’d spent every available moment researching since she’d read her father’s letters and had barely spared a thought for Flo. It seemed that hyperfocus—or hyperfixation—was another sign of her neurodivergence.
Kissing Noah goodbye, and leaving him to finish the painting, she headed over the road to visit the woman who was a neighbour, a friend, an aunt and a grandmother, all rolled into one.
CHAPTER
