Wow!
That was a whole lot of pressure to put on a little girl from birth.Hearing that made me wonder what the dynamic had been when everyone was younger.Ultimately, though, it was none of my damn business and I didn’t appreciate becoming a pawn in the fucked-up schemes of other women.I’d already been put in an impossible situation the week before with my former best friend choosing her rapist, fiancé over me.
I shivered again as I quietly made my way out of the clubhouse.Unfortunately, it wasn’t the same door we had come in, so when I went to find Rick’s Harley, I had no clue which one it was.Truthfully, most of them looked the same to me in the low light.There were motorcycles parked everywhere, most likely because so many people were there for the wedding.Still, not knowing which one had my few possessions in the saddle bags sucked.It meant I wasn’t going anywhere just yet.I could leave my few clothes behind but I wouldn’t chance leaving my aunt’s things somewhere again.
I glanced around and finally noticed a picnic table to the far right side of the building from where I stood just outside the front door.The lot was paved, but I still managed to toe some loose rocks along the way and watched as they skittered a few feet from where I’d disturbed them.
How is this my life?
It wasn’t safe to go home.I’d lost most of my stuff, thanks to my former roommate’s now husband.I wasn’t even sure if it was safe to go back to the studio space I owned across town from the townhouse we use to share.I wasn’t sure if she had ever mentioned it to Johnny, but if someone really wanted to find it, it was a matter of public record since I owned the building.Hope that he hadn’t gone there and destroyed my latest piece, or any of my equipment, sat heavily on my chest.That would mean that something had gone right for me this week, and I wasn’t sure that was possible.
I parked my butt on the bench, then leaned back and stared up at the night sky.There wasn’t much light pollution in this portion of New Mexico and the stars seemed so different here, like they were given permission to shine so much brighter than in other places.I wondered if there was a grand plan, what my future path looked like.It didn’t seem like being a biker’s woman was really on the agenda for me.I tried to live a good life, be a decent person, and keep my head down.So, why in the hell was I the one who lost everything more than once?It seemed as though I’d already lost my brand new husband, too.
My body shivered again as the chill of the night settled into my bones.My jacket, along with my ID and the little bit of cash I had, was somewhere with Rick’s motorcycle.I didn’t have much in the way of clothing either, since I’d traveled light for the trip to Vegas and all my stuff from my apartment in Flagstaff had been trashed.So, there I was, lying on a bench in the middle of the desert, at night, with nothing but the stars to keep me company as my body temperature slowly started to drop along with the chill that settled over the night air.
10Pump the Brakes
Baffle
Somethingin my gut kept telling me that I needed to go back to Nell.I knew she was safe with the club members but my gut wouldn’t let the worry rest.
If I was honest with myself, I also wanted to make sure that there was no unfinished business between Roxy and me.Not that there was any on my side.She’d burned her bridges just before the wedding, but the woman needed to know, once and for all, that there would be no rebuilding the shit she burned down.
When she first came back to the clubhouse after she tricked me into sleeping with her, it felt like I had my old friend back.The one who didn’t have stars in her eyes where a relationship with me was concerned.She went back into buddy mode, apologized to me, told me all about the therapy she had received while she was away, and how she understood what she did was wrong.I didn’t let anything slide before accepting her back.I even asked about the condoms and she seemed truly startled by the fact that they had been tampered with.I really thought we might be able to salvage a friendship.
All of that was now moot since her outburst at Bigfoot’s wedding proved she still had hopes that we would end up together.Worse - she was still delusional about the fact that itwouldhappen at some point.I wasn’t sure when or how everything between us got so twisted up.I’d never led her on or given anyone the slightest inclination that we would ever be linked romantically.
By the time I found Roxy, she was behind the clubhouse talking to her father, Punchy.He was still fuming about shit and Crutch was off to the side, as if he thought his intervention might be necessary.Crutch was our former president of the New Mexico Chapter.His son, my best friend, had taken over a few years ago after a spill on his Harley put the man out of commission for a while.When Crutch realized how much he enjoyed not being in charge of anyone, he gladly handed over the reins and never looked back.
“You!”Punchy yelled as he noticed me walking across the grounds.“You fucking defiled my daughter and thought you could get away with shuffling her off somewhere else, like she was a club whore you didn’t want around anymore!”
“Dad!”Roxy pleaded with him.I could see fear in her eyes, even from the distance that remained between us.Something was going on here, and judging from my history with Rox, I thought I might have a pretty good picture.
“Fuck off with that noise, Punch,” I tossed back at him.As soon as Roxy realized I was there, she made her way toward me.When we met in the middle, she tried to wrap herself around me and I stepped back and to the side.“No.You don’t get to touch me,” I growled.
“Baffle!”My name on her lips made my skin crawl.“Why are you doing this?Why are you breaking my heart again?”
“I never broke your heart for a first time, Rox.You did that all on your own.”
“I’m sorry, okay?I’m sorry for what I did back then.I wanted you so much and you refused to see me as the woman I was.I didn’t know what else to do.I’m sorry.Please, stop punishing me for what I did.”
Punchy had been paying attention.He moved in closer, as did Crutch.My former prez stayed on the periphery enough that neither Punchy or Rox even registered that we had company.I was thankful for his presence, though.As fucked as it was, it felt like I needed a witness for this conversation.
“What the fuck are you apologizing for?”Punchy asked his daughter.
She started to sob louder and fell to her knees.She continued to apologize without giving her father any answers, so he turned to me.He didn’t like the scowl on my face.I guess he thought I should feel some kind of sympathy for his daughter who was on her knees begging me to forgive her.
I was pissed that my hand was being forced, but I finally told him everything that happened three years ago when his daughter tricked me into sleeping with her.I even mentioned the condoms being tampered with because now that Rox had tried her bullshit again, I wasn’t so sure she knew nothing about it.There were other condoms that had been tampered with throughout the clubhouse that had been found when we purged them.It was the only reason I believed she hadn’t done it.After the hysterics she threw my way when I announced I had a wife, all the way to her behavior as we stood on the clubhouse lawn, I wondered if she spread them out so it would throw off suspicion.
I said as much to her father as we all stood there.
“There’s no way my girl would stoop to using club whore tricks to land a patch.”
I shrugged my shoulders and pointed to where his daughter was still on her knees crying.“Ask her.”
For a minute, I didn’t think he would.Then Punchy leaned down and reached out to lift Roxy’s chin with his beefy fingers.“Darlin’ tel me the truth, is that what happened between you all those years ago?”
Her eyes immediately filled with tears again.“I’m sorry,” she whispered to him.
