He’d fire his agent.
He’d turn down StreamUs’s offer.
He’d choose her. Every time.
And then he’d find himself without money or prospects, unable to keep supporting his mother, Dina, and the charity, and he’d hate himself for it. He’d fight everyone who insulted and abused Lauren, and his foes would be legion. Endless.
He’d choose her, and then he’d lose everythingbuther.
“He deserves more,” she whispered, the words muffled against Sionna’s tee.
At that, her friend went still.
“Ren …” Sionna’s own chest hitched. “Sometimes I want to burn down the fucking world for what it’s done to you.”
After that, she didn’t say anything else. She just passed out tissues and rubbed circles over Lauren’s back until both of them had stopped crying.
LATER THAT DAY, Lauren attempted to stop missing Alex and distract herself from her doubts by searching for recent photos of him online.
If her logic was suspect, her fingers didn’t care. They were already clicking to open a new browser window and typing in his name and limiting the results to the past twenty-four hours, because she had to see him. She had to see his face and his expression and know he was fine. She had to know he was better off without her.
Surely he’d realized that too, by now.
Because if he hadn’t—
Firmly quashing that line of thought, she scrolled through the pics, none of which seemed to be from the past day, despite her search specifications.
Alex on a dais at Con of the Gates, his grin bright and savage as he detonated his career. Alex posing for a selfie while washing a car in only a pair of track pants, gleaming with water in the sun. Alex in his Cupid costume, laughing with one of the camera operators on set.
She’d studied all those photos before. Recently. Repeatedly.
God, she’d never spent so much time on social media in her entire damnlife. But she couldn’t seem to stop cyberstalking him. Or crying.
She also couldn’t seem to find news of his deal with StreamUs, despite all the rumors still swirling. Worse, he hadn’t posted a damn thing anywhere since she’d abandoned him in the middle of his ex’s wedding reception. Not on YouTube or Instagram, where viewers were clamoring for more travel videos. Not on Twitter, where his followers mourned a sudden lack of shirtless thirst-tweet inspiration. Not on Facebook or—
Wait.
Thatwas new. In a grainy, crooked photo, he was walking along a sidewalk outside a tidy strip mall, palm trees in the background. The shot could have been taken in any California suburb. According to the provided information, though, the picture originated from late that morning in … Florida?
If he’d visited his mom, she was glad. Linda had seemed lovely and loving, and he deserved a vacation. That said, the photo truly was terrible. If she didn’t know better, she’d have said Alex lookednot goodin it, which would be the only example of that particular phenomenon in human history.
She zoomed in, then zoomed in again.
Up close, the image was more than a little out of focus, butshit. Shit, hedidlook bad. Terrible, actually. Disheveled and haggard, with dark shadows under his eyes. A hobo rather than a Viking, caught in some awkward moment where he appeared stiff and miserable.
If he’d realized he was better off without her, that certainly wasn’t apparent in the photo.
Ever since her conversation with Sionna, she’d been trying not to listen to the doubts that clamored louder minute by minute. But they wouldn’t be denied now. They were all she could focus on, other than his bookmarked fics and his beloved face.
Maybe a bystander had taken an unlucky, unflattering shot. Or maybe Lauren had grievously injured them both by leaving him so abruptly, by refusing to discuss her concerns or how she felt about him before sacrificing her happiness for his career.
Her happiness, and maybe his too.
In that hotel room, she’d acted unilaterally, just as Sionna had accused. Ostensibly, Lauren had done it for his own good. But even in her own head, that was patronizing as hell, and he’d never wanted her to make those sorts of decisions for him. In fact, he’d lost his shit at the very idea only two weeks ago, after his fan insulted her.
I am the only fucking person in this car and on thisplanetwho can decide what my career is worth,he’d raged, offended fury in every syllable,and it’s not worth my fuckingsoul.
She had to assume he would say the same thing about his heart.
