When he glanced at Lauren, her face was pointed in the direction he’d indicated, but her expression was as difficult to read as ever. More so, even, since she wore her own oversized sunglasses.
Before answering, she finished chewing a bite of her apple Danish, becauseof courseshe’d chosen the most boring breakfast option Dina had supplied.
“Convenient,” she said in her imperturbable, irritating-as-hell way.
She probably didn’t even like oranges or avocados, because she was theworst.
“After you finish eating your apple-filled disappointment of a pastry, why don’t you say hello to Dina and work out a good schedule with her? Then we’ll head out.”
“First of all …” She shoved the last bite of her Danish in her mouth, chewing thoroughly and swallowing before speaking again, because she was Nanny Clegg, the world’s most rule-bound human. “My pastry was exceptional. Flaky and buttery, and the apples still had a bit of texture. Second of all, where are we going?”
He looked at her with pity. “It didn’t even have icing on it. You’re a barbarian.”
“I repeat.” She finished her fresh-squeezed orange juice and put down her glass. “Where are we going?”
“We’re getting you a dress. Time toPretty Womanthis shit.” He cracked his knuckles with relish. “I can’t wait until someone refuses to wait on you because you’re so obviously an unsophisticated oaf from Kansas or wherever—”
“North Hollywood. Basically just down this hill and over the next one.”
“—and then you can leave, brokenhearted and ashamed, only to return hours later, carrying thousands of dollars of haute couture to rub in how much commission money they lost.”
She was massaging her temples again.
“Petty revenge is the most satisfying, always.” With his forefinger, he pushed her phone closer to her on the table. “You should write that down somewhere. Consider it a free preview of my TED Talk.”
For a long, satisfying moment, she appeared entirely speechless. Then she spoke, each word slow and precise.
“Okay, first thing.” She paused again, and yet more temple-rubbing occurred. “Why do I need to keep making lists with you?”
“That’s your first thing?” He furrowed his brow at her. “It’s a weird first thing.”
“It’s not my first thing. It’s an addendum, jackass.”
He gasped, loudly enough that a nearby bird flapped away in alarm. “Such language! Why, my delicate ears!”
Her breaths seemed to dramatically lengthen at that point, and he figured she was counting to herself.
After several vastly entertaining and very deep inhalations, she got a hold of her temper. “First thing: I am not a sex worker, and you are not my client. Thus, we cannot, as you so eloquently put it, ‘Pretty Womanthis shit.’ Second: As you are neither my john nor my sugar daddy of any sort, you will not be paying for these garments, and I can’t afford thousands of dollars’ worth of clothing I’ll never wear again. Third—”
“The production would pay for a red-carpet-appropriate dress,” he interrupted.
“Third,” she repeated with steely determination, “cocktail dresses don’t come in my size, at least not ones you’d find in standard L.A. stores. For something beautiful that truly fit me, you’d need to employ Christian Siriano—”
“I knew you liked reality television! Ha!”
He’d figured her indifference toGBBOwas an act. Ithadto be. Who could resist Nadiya’s sweet, emotional ascent to baking triumph? Also the hilarious duo of Sue and Mel?
“—or, more likely, go online and order something a lot less pretty but also a lot less expensive. Then get it hemmed. Which we, fourth, do not have time to do, since the event is tomorrow night. So, fifth, we need to drive to my duplex and decide which of the few dresses I already own might suffice.”
Oooh. He was going to see his stern minder’s inner sanctum? Her Fortress of Stultifying Solitude? He couldn’t wait.
“You’re bringing me home?” He widened his eyes. “But you haven’t even taken me out on a real date yet. I don’t want you to think I’m cheap.”
“For the love of …” Now she was rubbing her forehead as well as her temples, and he would feel worse if a tiny little smile weren’t also curving the corners of that wide mouth. “I’d planned to visit my apartment soon anyway, since the clothing I packed for a Spanish vacation isn’t the same clothing I want to wear here. So we might as well take care of everything today. I’ll drive.”
He sprang to his feet. “Let’s do this, Thelma.”
“Sit down, Louise.” She pointed a commanding finger at his chair. “You’ve barely had anything but coffee. Last week, you repeatedly complained about stomach pain because of your medicine, and you told me the best way to prevent that pain was eating more breakfast. So let’s make sure you do that.”
