Carah:Where’s Lauren, you whiny bitch
Alex:I thought I was the designated gossipy bitch, but if I can be two types of bitches, all the better
Alex:I contain bitchy multitudes
Alex:Anyway, Nanny Clegg is off having fun with her friend Sionna for the weekend, which is completely unfair, since she won’t let ME have any fun
Carah:I liked Lauren
Carah:I enjoyed meeting her at the auction
Carah:What exactly has she stopped you from doing, may I ask
Alex:SO MUCH, SO SO MUCH
Alex:She nags me to eat enough breakfast when I take my ADHD meds, even when I’d prefer to get going and do other things, which is really annoying
Alex:To be fair, my stomach hurts today because I didn’t eat enough breakfast
Alex:Which is really annoying too, because I hate it when she’s right
Carah:…
Alex:And I should have been having fun with Marcus and April, and I did have fun, but Lauren stopped me from having MORE fun by having her phone on silent and not answering my messages, and then I was checking my phone all the time instead of paying attention to Marcus and April, and that’s totally on her
Alex:And THEN, when I should have been binge-watching baking shows with my best friend, instead I had to go out and buy her a present
Alex:I got her a blanket, because she’s a wet blanket
Alex:Get it????
Alex:It’s really soft and quilted and fluffy
Alex:A pretty green with just a hint of blue
Alex:I think that’s my favorite color
Alex:She’s a killjoy and the worst but she deserves soft, pretty things, and she doesn’t do anything nice for herself ever, which is also extremely annoying, as you might imagine
Alex:As I said: THE ABSOLUTE WORST
Alex:Carah?
Alex:Carah, it’d be nice if you RESPONDED at some point
Carah:Sorry, too busy laughing to type
Carah:Alex, you are a fucking delight
Carah:I have to go film myself eating lutefisk in Maria’s honor, so entertain your own whiny ass while I try not to hork on camera
Carah:BYEEEEEE, MOFO
Alex:Carah?
Alex:CARAH, COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
14
