His fingers curled into a loose fist as he exhaled. “I will.”
She closed her eyes. His hand settled on her hip once more, then gradually rose to spread over her chest, between her breasts.
And no matter how many sheep leapt an imaginary fence in her mind, no matter how deep and slow she made each of her breaths, her exhausted mind kept whirling, flashes of the last twenty-four hours playing against the backs of her eyelids like the world’s worst movie theater. Also the world’s sexiest, depending on the flash in question.
After a few minutes, a discreet nudge of her ass against his lap told her he probably wasn’t asleep either. Which was a shame for him—although she’d offered relief; if he was suffering now, that wasn’t her fault—but welcome news for her.
“I think there’s a Williams Sonoma next door,” she whispered into the dark chill of an abandoned Pottery Barn employee breakroom. “Let’s make a quick detour there before we go.”
He responded immediately, his chin nudging the top of her head. “That’s what you were thinking so hard about? Kitchen supplies?”
“It’soneof the things I’m thinking about.” One of the least upsetting too, which was why she was choosing to focus on it. “I need a new set of stainless-steel measuring spoons. I hope looters aren’t into accurate determinations of volume.” She traced over the bones of his wrist where it rested against the side of her breast. “What were you thinking about?”
He paused long enough that she didn’t think he’d answer, then slowly said, “I was wondering why you don’t have a soulmark. I thought I might see it when I undressed you.”
“Not every human gets one.” Only those with fated mates, and only if those fated mates were human as well. “I’ve always figured my missing mark was probably for the best. Destiny or no destiny, most potential partners would refuse to live in the Containment Zone with me.”
“Mmmm.” It was a noncommittal noise, full of thoughts unspoken.
He didn’t need to say them aloud. She already knew the obvious response to her statement:Couldn’t you move? Why wouldn’t you simply leave the Zone and live somewhere else with your mate?But the only answers she had to offer wouldn’t satisfy him, just as they hadn’t satisfied anyone but her over the years. Better to change the subject entirely.
Her thumb, which had been exploring the unfamiliar, jutting terrain of his knuckles, stilled. “Is there a vampire equivalent to human soulmarks?”
Because if so, maybe hewassimply passing time with her. Amusing himself with a mere human while he waited for the arrival of his vampire mate: an elegant, haughty creature who would match his chilly demeanor and spurn canned taco products at all costs.
She pushed his palm harder against her chest, hoping the pressure would ease the ache there.
“No.” If he felt her abruptly relax against him, he didn’t let on. “With few exceptions, we tend not to care deeply about anyone outside our own families. Not vampires or humans or any other species. That predilection only grows stronger over the centuries. At some point, many vampires without families dissociate entirely from the world around them, stop caring about anything at all, and simply…let go.”
Wow,thatdidn’t sound ominous. “What doeslet gomean?”
“Vampires who have detached that fully often harm either themselves or those around them.” His voice sounded both exhausted and clinical. “Detachment is the leading cause of deathamong vampires now that most hunters have hung up their stakes.”
“Detachment.” She considered the word. How it sanitized what sounded like terrible isolation and either deep depression or psychopathy. “Is it sort of like…violent ennui?”
His breath ruffled the hair at the crown of her head. “Ennui’s what it was called in my youth, before American vampire psychologists began studying the phenomenon.”
“And your youth was…when?” A rumbling, openly fake snore came from behind her, and she lightly kicked his shin with her heel. “Fine. Tell me more about thosefew exceptions, then. What happens when vampiresdocare deeply about someone?”
His biceps tensed under her neck. “In defense of anyone we consider ours, we’ll unleash and withstand untold violence. We either protect those we love or die in the attempt.”
She winced.
Good thing she wasn’t one of hisexceptions, then. If she had her wish, no one would ever die for her safety again. And the thought of someone other than her parents protecting her was so foreign, she couldn’t even imagine how it would feel. With her locked shutters and martial arts classes and daily walks scouting the neighborhood, she protected herself and others, and she neither expected nor received their protection in return. She didn’t even want it.
Did she?
She swallowed over a painfully dry throat. “There’s nothing for vampires in between absolute disinterest and absolute commitment? You don’t ever just…make friends?”
“Sometimes.” His voice was flat. “It’s usually a mistake.”
Something fragile and green inside her shriveled at that, its reaching tendrils wilting.
Of course he didn’t want to be her friend. Of course he’d consider any emotional intimacy they might share during an emergency a mistake.
Still, she persevered. “What about…” Did she really want to know? “Have you ever had a long-term relationship with anyone?”
He took his time answering. “Once.”
