That…did not sound promising. “Explain.”
“I’d go feral.” When she twisted her neck to frown at him, he clarified, “Lose conscious awareness of my actions and take what I needed to survive.”
In other words,Wave bye-bye to your throat, human.
New life goal: continuing to have a life. By, say, making sure Max never, ever went feral in her vicinity. “Would that be a permanent state, or would you regain control once you’d had enough to drink?”
“It’s unpredictable. But if my feral state became perpetual, SERC would eventually resolve the issue. Dispatch one of their licensed hunters.”
A stake through the heart, then. He seemed entirely too matter-of-fact about that possibility, especially given his current lack of bagged blood.
She scowled into the predawn darkness of the Pottery Barn staff room. “And there’s no way to prevent turning feral other than feeding regularly?”
His shoulder shifted in a shrug. “Eliminating oneself before it’s too late. Which I’d prefer over devolving into a mindless animal.”
Neither of those horrifying outcomes would happen. Not on her watch, anyway.
“How soon would that happen? How long can you go between meals if necessary?” Because as much as she hated the thought of losing more time and driving back over that damn bridge, they could return to his home for more blood packs. Or…there was another option, of course.
It frightened her, but she couldn’t say it didn’t tempt her too.
“I don’t know. Testing that boundary isn’t a risk I’ve either needed or wanted to take.” His exhalation ruffled the hair at the crown of her head. “Edie, don’t concern yourself. I’m sure I can come to an agreement with one of the counterfeiters.”
No doubt about that.
Edie could see it. Max, his lips moving softly over Belinda’s wrist. His mouth pressed against her neck as she arched against him. Or if not Belinda—because Austin might have something to say about that—one of the other counterfeiters who’d watched Max with as much hunger on their faces as any Hollywood vampire.
“Yeah.” She swallowed against a sudden surge of nausea. “What about the person who feeds you? Are there any…lasting effects for them?”
He shifted against her, uncharacteristically restless. “If the right amount is taken, none. The bite heals within moments, and the feeding confers a temporary immunity to most illnesses. If the donor doesn’t eat or drink properly afterward, they may become dizzy. Otherwise, they remain exactly as they were.”
How does it feel for them?was what she meant to ask next. A disinterested inquiry. A matter of academic curiosity, or perhaps simple pragmatism.
“How would it feel?” came out of her mouth instead, and that question contained entirely different implications. Revealing ones.
His biceps drew taut beneath her neck. “Edie…”
“How would it feel?” she repeated. Because she needed to know. Now.
“However I wanted it to feel.”
“What…” She blinked. “What does that mean?”
“I could numb the bite. I could make it hurt.” His forefinger lightly traced a line from the inside of her elbow to the raised, vulnerable veins at her wrist. “Or I could turn it into pleasure, my Edie. Pleasure and heat and lust.”
She pressed her thighs together. Just a little bit. “And you could confuse my memory afterward?”
“Yes.” His fingertip stilled on her pulse. “Would you want me to?”
“No.” Gods, no.
Max’s steady grip ensured she didn’t topple off the couch as she fought against the twisted confines of their tablecloth burrito and turned in his arms. The lack of light meant she couldn’t truly meet his eyes. Still, she needed to say this face-to-face, because losing some blood didn’t scare her. The possibility of pain didn’t scare her. But forgetting a fleeting moment of intimacy with Max, however bloody and fraught it might become?
Yeah.Thatscared her.
She’d remained a single barrier wall away from fuckingzombiesfor twenty years to preserve her memories, however painful. Those memories were the framework of her existence. The inalterable, rock-solid foundation of the life she’d built for herself. Thewalls she leaned against when she needed support and hid behind when she felt too exposed. The true home she’d inhabited for the last two decades.
So she wanted to ensure she retained every detail about what came next. Especially since he hadn’t promised her new memories after this breach had been reported.
