Rude, he mouthed, and shook a reproving finger at her. She wanted to bite it.
“—due to acute impatience, I’ll cut to the chase. I got married not long ago, and my wife Athena owns the Spite House. She’sleading a tour right now at Historic Harlot’s Bay, but she should be on break soon, so if you tell me what you need, I can ask her about it almost immediately.”
A woman’s faint voice filtered through the speaker, growing louder by the word. “Speak of the devil, and she appears.” After a quiet rustle came the faint smack of an abbreviated kiss. “Tour got canceled. I’m done for the day, so I thought I’d come see the best husband ever, on this or any other planet.”
Karl snorted. “Then why are you at Matthew’s office?”
“Shut up, Special K.”
Special K?Karl must loathe that nickname.
As Molly quietly snickered to herself, Karl rolled his eyes. “Told you not to call me that, Greydon. Do it again, I’ll throw you in a vat of pastry cream and hold you under till you’re a human fucking eclair.”
“You did tell me that”—the other woman paused meaningfully—“Special K.” Ignoring Karl’s sputters of inarticulate, overdramatic outrage, she breezily continued, “Anyway, someone had a question for me?”
Matthew came back on the line. “Yes. Sorry. Molly Dearborn, please meet Athena Greydon. Molly is a former high school classmate of ours. Athena is the owner of the Spite House, an amazing historical interpreter at Historic Harlot’s Bay, and... my wife.”
As he spoke about Athena, pride and pleasure suffused his words, virtually dripping from every syllable.
“Lovely to meet you, Molly,” his wife said, then added, “By the way, Matthew, I consulted Professor Google about spontaneous human combustion a couple of years ago, back when you could still get decent search results, and scientists are almost entirely certain it doesn’t exist.”
Molly liked her already. “I was just thinking that.”
“Any relevant incidents are probably due to the wick effect,” Athena explained. “Basically, someone catches fire due to an external ignition source, like a cigarette or spark. And then the victim’s melted fat soaks their clothing and acts like a wick in a candle, so their body smolders for a long time and burns to ashes without damaging their surroundings. If there’s no evidence left as to the actual cause of the fire, it looks like the body burned entirely on its own.”
“Thus the seemingly logical but ultimately false explanation of spontaneous human combustion,” Molly concluded.
“Exactly.”
“That’s fascinating.”
It was the honest truth. As much as she enjoyed Sadie’s work, murder mysteries and pop science books were her favorites. This whole conversation might as well have been labeled “Molly catnip.”
“I know, right?” Athena’s voice somehow brightened even more. “We should get together while you’re in town and discuss Special K. I haveso muchto tell you. When are you free?”
“My schedule on weekday evenings is pretty open right n—”
“No.” Karl snatched the phone from the table and angled away from Molly. “Not happening, Greydon. You two? Together? Goddamn disaster in the making.”
For all his bluster, when Molly promptly retrieved the cell from his fist, he didn’t fight her for it. “I’ll get your number, Athena, and we’ll find a time to compare notes about Karl. Also, please ignore his previous pastry cream threat. As I’m sure you already know, he would never actually do anything like that.”
“Nope. He’s a secret softie. Aren’t you, Special K? Yes, you are.Yes, you are,” Athena cooed, as if soothing a frazzled cat or a fussy baby. “Molly, is he looking especially murderous right now?”
“He is indeed.” His chest had swelled in indignation, and the homicidal fury in his glare would have terrified Molly—if he weren’t, in fact, a secret softie. Which he totally was. “Rest assured: If spontaneous human combustion were possible, the searing heat of his fiery rage would have already rendered him—”
Athena laughed. “Literally.”
“—a greasy spot and a heap of ashes on his tiled workroom floor.” Molly smiled. “It’s very entertaining to watch. Thank you.”
Karl was muttering to himself again. The phrasetwo harpy peas in a fucking harpy podstood out, although Molly couldn’t decipher everything.
“My pleasure. Trust me on that.” Athena’s tone turned brisk, albeit still friendly. “Okay, as delightful as this conversation has been, Matthew needs to see a patient soon, and I need to make out with him before he does. So whatever question you have, let’s hear it, and if we don’t have enough time to nail down everything now, we can talk again later.”
Molly kept things brief. “I’m looking for somewhere to stay until the high school reunion in early October. Karl apparently thinks your former home might be a good option, even though I’m concerned it may be too narrow for someone of my size.”
“I knowthatfeeling.” A faint hum, as Athena considered the matter. “Why don’t you come tour the place tonight? If it seems doable for you, we’ll work out a fair rental price. Friends and family discount. Speaking of which—why haven’t I heard about you before now? Special K, why have you been holding out on me, despite our deep and abiding friendship?”
Karl made a very rude gagging noise, while Molly snickered.
