I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him nothing. I wanted to lock the knowledge away where no one could find it. Never be noticed.
But I had to tell him some of it, because word would spread about the girl who could see ghosts…and more.
“From what I understand, from what Luna told me tonight, amagical seal was placed on me after my mother died—ten years ago—to protect me.”
“To protect you?”
I explained the circumstances of the seal but didn’t tell him that she believed I was the Luminae. If I told him, and the Emperor Eternal learned of my identity and that the prince had prior knowledge, Nik would be in mortal danger, father or not. Once again, plausible deniability seemed the safer bet.
There was devastation in his eyes. “Fox, I swear on my life, I didn’t know anything about this violence. Nothing.” He paused. “Is this why you don’t remember anything?”
I nodded. “I may not get my memories back.”
He nodded, watched me for a moment. If he believed I was holding back, he didn’t say so. Which was more than I would have done. “Whatever you are, whatever magic you have, I will protect you as best I can. But be careful of Luna, Fox. I’ve only ever seen her be loyal to you. But she’s from a different place, and her goals may be different than yours.”
“She and Wren say the same thing about you.”
“Good. You’re right to be wary of royals.”
And yet this royal had offered to protect me, even if that protection was contrary to his father’s desires. I didn’t know how to feel safe and vulnerable at the same time.
Maybe sensing I needed a moment, he rose, walked to the cupboard, and took a drink directly from the bottle. He exhaled through pursed lips. “I’ve never been able to decide if ergaine is good or not.”
“It’s powerful.”
“That it is.” He held up the jar. “More?”
“Gods, no.”
He closed it and moved back to me, hands on his hips. “Now,Little Fox, you have to tell me the truth about something that’s been bothering me for several hours: How in Oblivion did you get out of the palace without anyone noticing?”
I smiled, as he probably meant me to. “Wine merchant’s cart. I waited until it was dark enough, snuck into the back, hid under some fabric.”
“And rolled on through.”
I nodded.
“I said you weren’t a prisoner.”
“Would someone have followed me?”
“Naturally.”
“I didn’t want to be followed. I know I shouldn’t have gone out. If I hadn’t, Wren wouldn’t be wounded and unconscious.”
He shook his head. “No, Fox. Possession is a violation, and I don’t want to minimize what happened to her. But the attack would have happened whether you were there or not; he wasn’t there for you, or not directly. He would have hurt more people, and those people might not be as strong as Wren. But because you were there, you helped stop the attack. And you saved lives. You and Wren and Luna.”
I just nodded.
“What do you need?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
But I did know. And what I wanted, I couldn’t have.
“Let me try to guess.” He held out a hand, and when I took it and rose, he wrapped his arms around me. “Maybe to be held. To feel safe.”
I nodded, squeezed my eyes shut, and gripped the back of his shirt like a lifeline. He held me there until some of the exhaustion and worry had seeped out of me, replaced by contentedness.
