His shoulders slumped, a mix of resignation and sorrow washing over him. This couldn’t be it. He would fight for her. “I’ll do whatever it takes for you to forgive me. I fucked up but I’m owning it. I will get therapy. I’ll do whatever I need to do to get your trust back.”
“There is nothing you can do, Jaime.”
“So, this is it then? We’re over?”
She scowled at him. “Hell yes we’re over. We were over before we even began,” she replied, her voice steady. “Plus, there was never any sort of future with us ever anyway. You just invited me to your brother’s wedding, but I doubt you were really going to move to Marin. You would’ve led me on for a few more months with false promises, then started a tequila line, and then dumped me. Again.”
He took a step toward her. “That wasn’t going to happen. You are freaking out because you are afraid that I will break up with you again. I won’t. You even said yourself you considered starting a line with me. How is that any different? Things are different this time. You know it. You feel it too.”
“I feel nothing.”
Jaime let out a mirthless laugh. She was lying to him, or at least to herself. He knew from the bottom of his soul that she felt whathe had. The way she looked at him. The way she opened up to him about her fears. The way she casually talked about the future as if he would be in it. “Yes, you did. And you know what I’m saying is true. But nothing I say will make you believe me.”
Her makeup was smeared across her face. She grabbed a tissue and dabbed her mascara. “You’re right. I won’t believe you.”
Jaime nodded slowly. “I guess there’s nothing more to say.”
“There isn’t.” She wiped her eyes. “Please leave. I want to be alone.”
Jaime didn’t want to leave her alone. He wanted to stay, wait for her to calm down, and plead his case. If she could only understand him.
He went into the bedroom in the hotel suite and packed his things. He changed out of his suit that he had brought to take her to a nice dinner in and into his sweats.
He walked toward the door, his steps slow and heavy, like the rain that continued to fall outside. As he opened it, he paused, turning back to look at her one last time. “I really am sorry, Alma.”
She nodded, her eyes meeting his. “So am I, Jaime. So am I.”
“For what it’s worth, I do love you.”
Her voice cracked. “I love you too.”
Wow. She actually said it. He wanted her to say those words so badly the other night. But now, they were empty.
And with that, he stepped out into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind him.
He dragged his bag down to the lobby and booked another room.
Once he got the keys, he had to walk into the rain to get to the other room, which was in another building, away from Alma.
When he entered the room, he sank onto the couch, hisemotions a whirlwind of pain and newfound clarity. Why did he fuck up every good thing in his life? Why? When he was younger, he didn’t dump her because he was trying to be a jerk. He was just so fucking immature and thought it would be better if the breakup was clean and they were no longer in contact. He didn’t want her to change his mind when he knew he had to do what he needed to do.
And now, yes, the reason he’d come up to Marin was fucked-up, but he had been honest with her. And his feelings for her now were real.
He shouldn’t have mentioned wanting to start a tequila line. It was too soon.
He raided the minibar. He needed a drink—anything BUT tequila. He settled on a Malibu and Coke to take the edge off.
Maybe this was the wake-up call that he needed. He clearly wasn’t thinking his way through anything in his life, with work or with women.
Fuck, what if Enrique was right? Maybe Jaime should see a therapist. His parents’ marriage had really fucked him up. He had spent so much of his childhood alone that he withdrew anytime things got tough.
God, he’d rather go to a catechism class and learn about saints than talk about his feelings.
But a sense of clarity did wash over him.
During this entire trip to Marin and Mexico, he had been changing. In many ways.
This new room felt colder, emptier, but also, in some inexplicable way, full of potential for something genuine, something real.And for the first time in a long while, despite the rain and theheartache and the cheap liquor, Jaime felt the promise of clearer skies ahead.
