Mhairi looked close to crying.
‘Doll, what’s up?’ Brodie said. Doll. Ally hadn’t heard her say it in ages.
‘Just some woman at the primary school trial session the other day. Said he was too big to be in a buggy at all.’ Mhairi pulled her mouth shut like she’d said too much.
Ally wasn’t sure how old some kids were when they got rid of their buggy, but she felt sure it couldn’t be anybody else’s business and she told Mhairi so now.
‘Yeah, fudge her. What does she know?’ said Brodie, reining it in since there were kids everywhere.
Jo, however, was looking at where the boy’s feet touched the café linoleum. Mhairi caught it.
‘He doesn’t like to walk far,’ she explained. ‘Just drops to the ground and cries. It’s just easier with the buggy.’ Her voice trailed off.
‘It’s OK,’ Brodie said, her hand on Mhairi’s arm. ‘You don’t have to explain yourself to us. God knows, it’s hard enough raising a kid without people being judgy about your choices.’
Jo nodded vehemently. Ally too, for what her opinion on parenting felt worth.
‘I’m not sure it is a choice,’ Mhairi said in a shaky voice. ‘Just something we have to do or we’d never get out the house.’
Everyone looked at their friend with sympathy. Ally had never seen her like this. She was in jeans and trainers and a big sweatshirt hoiked up at the sleeves. Her hair was mousey brown and hanging over her shoulders instead of her signature honey highlighted bob she’d had since they were twenty-one.
‘Anyway, let’s not talk about me. How are you, Ally?’
Even Mhairi was deflecting conversation away. Were they really stuck with this small talk? Ally couldn’t stand it. If they were going to get anywhere she was going to have to take a hammer to the reserve that was trapping them all like flies in setting toffee.
‘Honestly?’ Ally began, her voice soft. ‘I know I’ve been crap at keeping in touch. If I’m truthful, I’ve been completely stuck since Covid times. I’m working from home in a job I could do in my sleep. I’m trying to help Mum and Dad with the repair shop in case Dad slides back into depression and hides out in his shed by himself at all hours like he did when he was first made redundant, and I’m worried about Murray because he hardly talks to me any more and he’s gone all stuck-up and Swiss and I’m pretty sure he’s been shagging one of his work colleagues and things are bad for him but he won’t open up about it. In fact, I don’t even know where he is right now, and yes, Gray cheated on me, and I’m trying to rebuild my life one little thing at a time, and I wanted to start with you lot because you’re such a big part of me, and I’ve really bloody missed you, but most of all, I’ve missed myself and who I was when we used to hang out and,’ she gasped for breath and realised she couldn’t help what was about to happen. She was going to cry.
Brodie had her hands to her cheeks in amazement.
‘And I just want to say I’m sorry for hiding away. It’s not because I didn’t care. It’s because I thought you might not need me any more with your jobs and your kids and your lovely homes and everything being perfect and…’
‘Perfect?’ Jo all but spat the word. Her eyes were round like they’d been when she was a kid. ‘You think our lives are perfect?’
‘Well, maybe not perfect, but many, many more steps ahead than mine, and…’ Ally wasn’t doing a good job of explaining herself. Everyone looked hurt.
Brodie was leaning forward, having abandoned her cake shovelling. ‘Sure, we’ve got our dream baby in Gillian,’ she said in a low voice. ‘And the catering business is beyond busy but we’ve expanded to a point where I barely have time to shower! And me and Luce haven’t had sex since we got shitfaced at New Year and even then I can’t actually remember it! So no, things aren’t perfect, even if it looks that way.’
‘Oh!’ Ally’s shoulders slumped.
‘New Year? Try March last year!’ Jo threw in.
‘What? Since you…’ Ally’s eyebrows must have shot up.
‘Honestly, I can’t remember; we have to have done it when we made Seren but I don’t remember any times after that. Gus is literally never there, even when he’s working from home, he’s completely wrapped up in his job. Things… things aren’t perfect, guys.’
‘Shit.’ Brodie’s mouth hung open. ‘Why didn’t you say something?’
‘Why didn’t you say anything about you and Luce, or about the business?’ Jo countered.
Brodie accepted this without appearing too wounded. ‘Good point. Are you and Gus really struggling?’
It took a moment for Jo to answer. ‘I don’t know. What I do know is I’m supposed to be in the office in an hour for the first time in six months and my boobs are leaking and my dress is cutting into me, and all I want to do is go home and wrestle Seren off this new au pair Gus has hired. She barely looks old enough to look after herself let alone a baby.’
Jo dabbed a napkin under her perfectly underlined eyes, as close to sobbing as she’d allow herself to get in public.
Ally was in the middle of reassessing everything she’d been thinking about her girlfriends these last couple of years.
‘Well…’ Ally began, trying to compose herself, but with tears running down her face in public, something she’d normally never do, it was too late now. ‘Why didn’t we talk about this stuff?’
