My redcap may be insane, but he’s got a core of honour. They all have.
“You should get some rest,” Bree murmurs, slipping onto the stone bench I chose for its sheltered position under the portico.
“Jaro isn’t.” The shifter is still repeating the same drills over and over. Unceasing. Tireless.
He gives me a sideways look. “Jaro is a warrior working out the pre-battle tension. Not a Nicnevin who’s been worrying herself sick over the last few days.”
Like I can help that. Drystan may have been doing his best to schedule me so many audiences that I can’t breathe, but not even the hundreds of fae petitioning for blessings can distract me from this.
“Have you heard anything?” I ask.
Mab confirmed that bards are known for travelling between the courts, listening for rumours and gossip as they go. According to her, they’re also known to sell the information on occasion, for the right price. The better the bard, the more powerful their patrons, and the more people will pay to learn their dirty secrets.
Apparently, King Eero pays incredibly well.
I’ve been itching to ask my púca about it, but it never seems to be the right time, and he always seems so uncomfortable whenever his past is brought up.
“From what I can gather, Aiyana is having to blackmail his challenger to get them to fight the Nicnevin’s Guard, but that’s just servants’ gossip.” Bree pauses. “Are you sure you won’t sleep? It’s getting cold.”
“I don’t mind.” I move to lean against him, as I would with Jaro or Lore, only to freeze halfway.
His hand snakes out, pulling me against his side.
I don’t breathe until he sighs, the muscles of his shoulders sagging. “You can touch me, dragonfly. I… I want you to touch me.”
Does he really, though? Or is this just his way of punishing himself for what happened with Caed?
My doubts must show on my face, because he bites his lip and runs his free hand over his catlike ears before continuing. “I don’t want my life to be overshadowed by what they did to me. My inability to deal with my own demons led to what happened with Caed. If I’d worked on my issues, then perhaps I might’ve been able to keep a clearer head.”
I shake my head, ready to rebuke him. But he continues, “I may never be worthy of being your mate, but I want—I need—to take back the things that once brought me joy. For both our sakes… just… don’t make any sudden moves?”
I can do that. Letting a little more of my weight settle against him, I tense when he does, only relaxing when I feel him doing the same.
“You are worthy, Bree. I don’t know how to make you see it.”
“I’ll see it when I’ve earned it.”
“And when will that be?” I press. “Because it seems to me like you’re measuring your worthiness by comparing yourself to the others.”
Bree goes rigid. I try to move away, but his arm pins me in place. “They are good males—Caed excluded, though even he has a title.”
“If you need a title, I’ll invent you one. Lord Bricriu. There. Done.”
“That’s not how it works, even if it was, that won’t change anything.”
Not sighing and rolling my eyes is more difficult than it should be. “Of course, it won’t. You’re a different person. That doesn’t make you any less than them.”
“No,” he admits slowly. “But the fact that I took the Oath to escape my debt does.”
“Oooh, are we comparing dubious motives?” Lore blinks in front of us with a grin. “Well, I win. I took mine to retire early. Even though the job came with perks, it was getting a little bit demanding for my taste. Besides, Rose’s tits are perkier than Cressidick’s.”
Bree’s mouth has dropped open.
“Of course, I was sworn to her service for centuries until my oath broke my old vow.” Lore cartwheels backwards, abs flashing as he narrowly avoids crashing into Jaro. “It was such a pain. You swear yourself to one queen, thinking she’s a glorious bloodthirsty killer, then she gets all bossy and boring.”
“I’m pretty sure Jaromir is the only one who took the oath for noble reasons,” Drystan grumbles, appearing in the doorway to my left. “Now, shouldn’t you all be getting some sleep before we have to deal with more of Aiyana?”
I’m not sure if their interruption has helped Bree at all, but he jumps on the excuse to change the topic. “Yes. Rose needs sleep. She’s still recovering from her fever.”
