The warm, relaxed atmosphere in the room evaporates, and the lights flicker warily. Jaws tense. Fists clench. It would be easy to think they were mad at me, but Leo and North certainly have no reason to be.
“You’ve only been alive for three days,” Eddy begins. “And you were asleep for most of that. Don’t you think you should get used to it first?”
Spoken like the young, to whom the days ahead seem endless.
“I’ve been dead for centuries,” I remind her, heading for the thin beige door to my left. “I plan to live every second while I can.”
“Wait, you’re just off to fuck a random stranger?” Jasper’s crestfallen expression tugs at something nameless in my chest as I clasp the handle, raising my fist to knock.
My eyes fall shut at the barely veiled hurt in his question, my head tipping back as my traitorous heart screams at me. Secretly, I wonder if I even have the guts to go through with it. To leave and enter a world so different to the one I once lived in.
No. Iearned this. I can’t stay in this building another second. The world is out there. I’ve been shut off from it for solong.
I want to see sunsets over oceans, feel warm breezes, and touch snowflakes. I crave being touched. Held. Fucked.
And maybe these are just baby steps. Maybe all I’ll do tonight is stand on a beautiful street and gape at cars, and neon signs, and all the other modern marvels I’ve read about. Maybe I’ll listen to the inexplicable guilt whirling in my gut and allow my dry spell to linger until I’m certain I won’t regret the decision.
Evenifall of that happens, I still need to go out there.
For me.
“Are you sure that’s wise?” Dakari adds, those expressive brows furrowed into a stern frown of disapproval, his fist landing on the table with a muffled thud. “Or even safe?”
“I’m not defenceless.”
“Boss,” Lambert objects. “Come on, you know I’d worship you if you let me.”
My eyes flit to him, only to find his chair pushed out and one hand braced on the back of it, like he’s seconds from launching himself after me.
“Any of us would,” Jasper says, sounding a little desperate. “C’mon, lass. Do you really want the experience to be with some absolute fucking cunt who doesn’t give three shits about you? At least the five of us would never?—”
“I’m the Librarian,” I cut him off, glancing at Leo, relying on his cold rationality to steady myself, only to find him just as inexplicably stiff with anger as the others. “You’re going to be parriarchs one day. What we did before I was revived…”
I can’t say it was wrong, because I liked what we did too much. I can’t even truthfully say I regret it either, because I don’t. They’re beautiful men, and it would be heartbreakingly easy to love them, if I let myself. Magic, if they weren’t heirs…
But they are.
Softening my tone, I finish, “That can’t happen again. The Arcanaeummustremain neutral, and I won’t interfere with the six houses.”
“Do you need a wing-woman?” Eddy asks, getting up. “We can get you a phone, make sure you’re safe.”
Relief fills me. “That would be great, thank you.”
“She’s not fucking an inept,” Dakari growls, and I swallow in surprise at the uncommon display of temper. “Even if she takes every precaution in the world, it’s not enough.”
At the same time, North grunts, “I don’t want to get crushed to the floor again, but she’s never used a phone before, Eddy. You need a better plan. Or better yet, call this whole thing off.”
“Agreed,” Leo says, surprising me. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s none of my fecking business, but what happens to the Arcanaeum if you get murdered by some creep?”
He’s playing on my loyalty to the building, though I’m fairly certain he’s only thinking of his ensorcellment.
My breath rushes out in a great sigh as Eddy joins me. They’re so obsessed with the idea of me sleeping with another man that they’re completely ignoring the point.
The five of them are ready to go to battle with some imaginary suitor. And for what? My safety?
No. EvenI’mnot that dense. They’re jealous.
And that’s even more dangerous, because most of them have no right to be. Of the two who do, Lambert’s objection makes even less sense, because he was completely unconcerned by the news that Jasper and I had been intimate.
