I raise my arm.
"They marked me," I continue. "They carved an M into my arm while you stood by and let it happen."
He flinches, as if the words themselves cut.
"I messed up," he says. "I know that. But everything between us was real. I swear to you. I love you, Keira."
"You want?"
"I love you. And I realize now is not the best time, but the problem is when I first felt it I thought it wasn't the best time either, and now, now I don't know what time I've got left. So yes, I fucked up but?—"
"You don't get to be sorry," I scream. "You don't get to tell me you love me like that changes the fact that you let it happen."
Inside, I'm unraveling. I want to scream. I want to crawl into his lap and sob. I want to hit him, bite him, taste him, destroy him. I want to know why I still care when I shouldn't.
"I thought I was doing the right thing. Yes, Nicolae would have got what he wanted, but I would have got what I wanted, too. And those motherfuckers would be gone and you, your brothers, would all be okay. I thought I could do it for us, not Nicolae."
"You know, there's a lot of talk of Nicolae; what does he have on you?"
"He used me," he says. "He had leverage."
"What kind of leverage?"
He's quiet. His jaw works, muscles jumping beneath the stubble. He looks away, eyes fixed on the concrete floor.
"Tell me," I demand. "What the hell does he have on you?"
"My mother," he says finally.
I wait.
He doesn't continue.
"What about her?" I press, my voice sharp.
He still doesn't answer.
And something inside me snaps.
"You know what?" I laugh bitterly, tears spilling down my cheeks. "Fuck you, Octavian. You want me to stand here and feel sorry for you? You want me to understand? Then tell me."
His head jerks up, eyes meeting mine again. There's so much pain there, so much guilt, that for a second, I almost regret pushing.
"My brother didn't die in the explosion like I told you," he says.
The words hang in the air.
"What do you mean?"
"I thought he died instantly. Painlessly. That's what they told me." He swallows, and I see his throat work, see the way his chest rises and falls too fast. "But he didn't."
I have to remind myself to breathe as I listen.
"He survived." Octavian's voice is low now. "For four days. In the hospital. I didn't know at the time. Nicolae kept me away. Told me it was too dangerous, that I needed to stay hidden."
I step closer, my anger momentarily forgotten. "He was alive?"
"Barely." Octavian's voice cracks. "The doctors said his brain was destroyed. That even if he survived, he'd never wake up. Never speak. Never be him again. Just a body on machines. Suffering."
