Luca makes a low sound in his throat. “You Americans are too possessive of your women. Creates jealousy. Not good for the soul. We’ll see you later, amico. Ciao.”
He hangs up and I’m left with a growing unease in the pit of my stomach. He’s got it all wrong. I’m not jealous of Kady. I’m supposed to be protecting her. Not fucking her or trying to get her in my bed.
But the fuck if I’ll let Luca make a move on her. He doesn’t deserve someone like Kady.
Kady is adventurous. She grabs life by the balls and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Kady’s fun to hang around with and finds joy in the little things – like the conversation she struck up with one of the old vendors today. I’m in awe of her easy spirit and wish I had more of that.
I can be too closed off. I’ve been consumed with the need to protect myself from getting hurt by others. I don’t like feeling stupid or having people judge me for being dumb. I know I’m not a complete idiot, but my disability has caused a lot of heartache in my life and enough moments of embarrassment for me to become more guarded than the average person.
When you struggle to read well, even the simplest things can be daunting. Like going to a new restaurant and reading from a menu. Or filling out applications and forms, such as apartment leases. My reading proficiency is about on par to a seventh grader and prohibits me from doing a lot of things my friends do without thinking twice about it.
I’ve become a master of disguise at hiding my insecurities by simply allowing others to do the work for me. And when that doesn’t work, I look for ways to engage the conversation so the other person is required to tell me what it means. Misdirection is what they call it in the justice system. I call it a coping tactic.
I’d finished my phone call with Luca while I was down in the laundry facility and am back in my apartment contemplating a nap of my own. As I walk through my bedroom doorway, I hear Kady’s soft laugh rising from behind her closed door. She must be talking on the phone. But when I hear another female voice, I realize she must be Skyping. Maybe with her twin sister, Kylah, or her friend Izzy.
While I know it’s not polite to eavesdrop, I can’t help but stop to listen when I hear Kady say my name.
Moving closer to the door, I lean in, straining to hear the conversation.
“Why do you always do this, Kady?”
“Do what, Ky? Have fun with a guy? Please give me your sage advice about men. Because, oh let’s see, you have so much experience on the subject.”
Her sister huffs softly. “That’s not fair. You know you tend to jump into things without considering the consequences. Every. Single. Time. Case in point, your trip to Europe. And now you’re looking to make a move on Gavin because he’s hot. Yet, you haven’t thought about the possible aftermath or destruction that will invariably follow.”
My eyebrows shoot up and my lips curve up into a smirk. Kady thinks I’m hot. This makes me insanely happy even though it shouldn’t matter what she thinks of me. Nothing can happen between us.
But it does validate that the attraction I’ve felt is real and not just one-sided.
“Whatevs. I kissed him. Big deal. I didn’t throw my naked body at him or anything. And he barely returned the kiss. Maybe he’s gay.”
I have to catch myself with my hand on the wall so I don’t fall over. She thinks I’m gay? What the hell? Hasn’t she seen the way I devour her with my eyes? The perpetual hard on in my pants? I know she noticed the one I had earlier when she drove me crazy with her cone-licking seduction. If I’m gay, she’s the Pope.
Her sister continues, her voice scolding. “Or maybe Gavin has enough common sense to avoid messing around with a girl who’s only visiting for a few days. Why do you always do this to yourself, Kady? You have this innate ability to find the wrong guy, in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s like you sabotage yourself and any potential love interest right from the get-go. I don’t understand it. You have so much to offer someone, but I think you do it on purpose so you can avoid getting close to anyone.”
I can hear Kady shifting around on the bed, which squeaks a little from the old bedframe it’s on. This flat may have come fully furnished,but the furniture is old as dirt.
“I don’t need a lifelong commitment to be happy. I like messing around, having fun and enjoying the present. How is this a crime? God, this is such a stupid conversation. What twenty-something guy wouldn’t want to hook-up with me? I should be having the time of my life on this trip,” she tapers off, her voice dropping lower so I can barely hear her. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. It’s obvious he doesn’t want me like that, so I should just let it go. And if that means finding someone else to enjoy, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“I just worry about you, Kady. You’re my sister and I miss you.”
It sounds like the conversation is about to wrap up and I want to avoid being caught hovering at her door, so I turn and head into my bedroom. Flopping down on my bed, I sprawl out, placing one hand behind my head, replaying the conversation.
I’m not sure I understandKylah’s censure in her remarks.Everyone needs someone in their corner to look out for them, but Kylah sounds like the fun police. They might be twins, but it’s obvious they are two very different people.
My thoughts refocus on the conversationand Kady’s comments about me. I’ve probably given her a bad case of whiplash over my attraction and feeling toward her. No wonder she’s confused about where I stand.
The sexual frustration I feel right now is at an all-time high. At any moment, I’m worried I’m going to explode, and everything I’ve fought to contain will have been meaningless. I’m not even sure why I’m trying so hard to keep a distance from her at this point.
Is it out of obligation to Cade? If so, he never actually told me to stay away from his sister. He simply asked that I give her a place to stay. He also asked me to keep her out of trouble.Which technically could be construed as “keep your hand out of her pants.”But that’s just semantics.
There’s also my brother’s friendship with Cade to consider. Although I’m removed from their relationship, I’d hate to do anything that would cause a rift between them.That’s unfair to Christian just because I can’t control my cock around this girl.
Kady will only be here for a little while longer, but how long is anyone’s guess.If we hook-up,it could go sideways in a blink of an eye and become awkward.Or, it could turn into something more, which is definitely cause for alarm.
I’ve got too much riding on my potential career and hope of getting drafted into the NBA to get sidetracked with a girl.I need to prove myself as a strong, consistent player, and my performance has been abysmal the last two months. Kady would only divert my attention further.
Exhaustion from the last few games, the road trip, the late night last night and our excursion today lulls me into sleep. I’d closed my eyes for just a second, envisioning Kady lying next to me with my hands down her pants, and the next thing I know I’ve drifted off to sleep and woke to the sound of Kady’s voice singing in the shower.
