Because to lose yourself to a guy is to become a slave to love. Just like what happened to our mother with our dad. She fell for his charms, had his babies and then lost herself. It took her twenty years to reclaim her sense of worth. Plus, I’ve seen other women in similar boats. They give a guy their heart for safe keeping, and he carelessly breaks it.
Kylah attempts to get me to admit what I think I already know. “Do you think you’ve fallen for him?”
“No,” I respond a little too quickly and with too much emphasis.
“Okaaaaay,” she laughs. “But he makes you feel different –in a good way– but not in the lovey-dovey, ‘I think you’re the One’, way. I get it.”
I know what she’s trying to do here. And it won’t work.
“Listen, it’s not like what you and Van have…or Cade and Ainsley, for that matter. It’s nothing serious and it won’t last past the weekend. I’m only staying here until Saturday until I can get my passport and money, and then I leave for Madrid where I’m meeting up with Iz. Gavin is playing a game here in Rome and then he leaves again, too. End of story.”
“I understand,” she says reassuringly. “Long-distance is not easy and not everyone is cut out for it. I barely lasted a semester while I was in California and Van was in Phoenix. And that’s nothing compared to an ocean away. I understand where you’re coming from.”
That’s why I love my sister. She always has a way of seeing another point of view.
But then she continues. “On the other hand,…if you like him enough…”
Wait, what?
“Ky, what other hand is there?”
“Well, if you’re really into him then the distance shouldn’t matter or get in the way. Plus, from what I hear, Gavin’s not planning to be there much longer.”
This is news to me. Gavin and I haven’t talked much about his career or his future. I just assumed he was playing over here under contract for a few years.
“Who have you been talking to, Ky? What do you know about Gavin’s career plans?”
She clears her throat. “His brother Christian was hanging at Cade’s the other night when Van and I were there. He may have mentioned that Gavin wants to draft into the NBA and will be eligible this year. The draft is next month.”
“Oh,” I mumble, feeling oddly resentful that Gavin hadn’t mentioned this to me. I slide back on my mask. “Well, either way, his career is of no concern to me. Like I said, this is just a fling. We’re having fun together and I like him. Big deal. He’ll move on and forget all about me the moment I leave.”
Kylah sighs. “Interesting.”
“What? Don’t play coy with me,” I grouse. “Spit it out, sissy.”
“I just find it interesting that you saidhe’dprobably move on and forget…not the other way around. Which tells me that you believe there is something between you two and I think you should find out what it is and explore it further.”
I make an obnoxious grumbling sound. “Whatever. You are such a hopeless romantic. I already have plenty of exploring to do over here without falling head over heels for a guy. Listen, he’s waiting for me so I gotta go. Say hi to everyone for me. But keep your mouth shut around dad, ok? I don’t want him to know where I am. Love ya, sissy.”
“Gotcha. Love you, too. Be safe and call me when you get to Madrid.”
I end the call and stare at the phone for a few moments, wondering if it’s possible that Kylah is right. My eyes search for Gavin again across the courtyard. I see him shielding his eyes from the sun and pointing in my direction, as the three women clustered around him all turn their attention to me. Then he gets up, waves back at them and leaves them staring after him as he walks away.
Toward me.
Yeah, I’ll have a hard time forgetting Gavin.
In less than a week, he’s burrowed under my skin and broken down all my resistance to find a way into my heart.
It’s a place where I’m not all that comfortable Gavin being.
