“Well, she’s pretty opinionated and kind of a know-it-all.”My lips curl upward at the corners.“She obviously got that trait from you.”
The sound of Halle’s laughter bouncing around the room is a gift from the universe and lights me up from head to toe.It’ll remain on my life soundtrack for as long as I live.
“You are so full of shit,” she argues, tossing her balled-up napkin at me.“I’m not opinionated in the slightest.”
“That’s exactly what you would say.”I blow a raspberry and then snap my fingers.“Oh, and another thing.Lenni is stubborn as a goat.And I don’t mean the greatest of all time.That kid dug her heels in yesterday morning until I made pancakes.”I make a face, tightening my lips together.“I didn’t realize kids that age could have such meltdowns and use them to negotiate.She got her pancakes.”
Another laugh and the corners of her eyes crinkle, eyes sparkling with amusement.“Yeah, kids that age are learning to express themselves and don’t have a grasp on their emotions quite yet.So, the big feelings often come out in a tantrum.”
I chuckle.“I know a few hockey players who do that, too.”
She smiles and brings her glass of juice to her lips, taking a dainty sip.I watch the movement of her delicate throat as she swallows.When she tilts her head back, I turn away.It’s sensory overload to be on this couch with her, to watch her laugh and listen to her speak but be unable to touch her the way I want.
Not the way I used to.If I’m not careful, it might just be me having a tantrum if I don’t put some distance between us.I reach forward and set my empty plate on the sofa table, covertly adjusting myself in my pants.
It’s good to see that Halle is feeling better and seems to have regained her strength.The fact that she soon won’t need me to stick around bums me out.I didn’t know how much I’d enjoy being the guy who can be counted on to take care of things.I’d never envisioned myself in the role of caretaker or what it would be like to be in dad mode.
But hanging out and playing with Lenni was an eye-opening experience for me.It was fun and challenging, and gave me a deeper respect for Halle.For parents in general.
And spending this time with her—just sitting together and enjoying the easy companionship we have—makes me realize how much I’ve missed it.How much I’ve missed her.The conversation and teasing banter have flowed as if we’ve never been apart.
Since Halle’s reappearance in my life, I’ve been reminiscing a lot about our past.To others, it may have been barely enough time to get to know someone, but a connection was forged back then, and we’ve picked up where we left off.
It sounds so cliché to say out loud, but maybe it’s a cosmic soulmate thing or some crazy shit like that.
I may not believe in that stuff, but I do know that Halle does something to me that no other woman has ever done.She stirs me from the inside out—lights my soul on fire, like the flames of a torch—and makes me want more.
That desire is more than physical attraction, but it’s a strong urge I have to fight every time she’s close.When we were together in the past, my hands were always touching her.Holding hands, kissing her neck, stroking her back, nipping my lips over her skin.
When it comes to Halle, it’s as if we are bound by a tether that stretched and pulled but never broke.
Is it possible that strong feelings like I had for her don’t ever fully disappear?They just resurface bigger than before?
“So, besides this bout with the flu, how are you both adjusting to life in Vancouver?”I ask, throwing an arm on the back of the couch, resisting the urge to run a hand over the braid that’s inches from my fingers.I clutch the cushion with a firm grasp to keep myself from stroking her silky auburn locks.
Halle pauses for a moment, the deep groove lines between her brows pinching together as she considers my question.When our eyes meet, hers glisten with tears.A droplet hangs on her lashes, and I reach out and swipe it away with my thumb before it can drop.
She blinks and then sniffles.I grab a tissue from the box and hand it to her as tears gush from the corners of her eyes.“I’m not going to lie.It’s been so hard.”
“Oh, baby, don’t do that to yourself.”I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my body and tucking her into my chest.Her slight body is racked with sobs.“Shh.It’s okay.You’re going to be okay.I promise.”
She quiets after a few moments as I continue to rub small circles over her back, consoling her the only way I know how.
“It’s stupid, because she’s been gone so long, but there are times it hurts so bad that I can’t call my mother to ask her advice.”Her voice is mournful and it breaks my heart.If there was something I could do to fix it, I would.“It makes me feel guilty, too, like I’m betraying my dad by wanting her.He’s done so much for us, but it’s not the same as having a mom.”
I glide a hand over her head in calming strokes.Halle’s situation is way outside my knowledge base, and honestly, I don’t know if giving my opinion will make it better or worse.So, I listen and comfort as she talks.
“It’s going on nearly ten years, but I miss here every day.There are times—so many times—when I don’t know what I’m doing, and another mother would help.Not having that in my life right now… it’s so lonely.”Her shoulders rise and fall in jerky movements as she hiccups through the words.
Halle remains cocooned in my embrace for several minutes as I try to come up with something brilliant to say in response.
“You can always call my mom,” I offer, tipping my head down so I can see her face.“I bet she’d love to give you advice.She’s always trying to tell me what to do.”
A loud snort belts out from Halle’s lungs, and she presses her palms against my chest, pushing herself upright.
“Right.I’m sure she’d totally be open to hearing from some random stranger about dealing with raising a kid, especially how to get one back to sleep after she wakes up at three a.m.and wants to play.”
My nose wrinkles.“Whoa.Does that happen regularly?”
