I remind myself that this is my first place of my own and it’s filled with love, which I think is the most important aspect of a home.
The doorbell finally rings at four forty-five, and I rush to open the door, having missed my sweet girl.As soon as it swings open, there’s a whoosh of pigtails and a flash of movement when Lenni and another little girl fly past me like a flock of birds, squawking as they dash inside hand in hand.
“Hi, Mama!”Lenni calls out as she and the towheaded girl run to the area where I just arranged all her toys.“This is Elise.We’re gonna play pwincesses!”
Her excitement is a tangible gift and fills me with pride.In the short time we’ve been in Vancouver, and she’s attended the daycare, Lenni has blossomed from clingy to independent and more social.The transformation has been remarkable.It soothes my constant guilt over whether this move was the right choice for us.
Based on the changes my daughter has exhibited, it was a good decision.
Apparently, she didn’t get those sociable traits from me.I awkwardly stand in the doorway as Helena holds the handle of a baby carrier with one hand and waits to be invited in.
“Where are my manners?Please, come inside and have a seat,” I offer, gesturing to my living room couch.“And hello, by the way.I’m Halle MacAlister.”
The tall, slim, woman with model looks smiles brightly and walks toward the couch, gingerly setting the carrier down on the floor next to it.A blanket extends over the opening so I can’t get a peek at the baby yet, but the child is obviously sleeping.
“Nice to meet you, Halle,” Helena says with a hint of a Scandinavian accent, and takes a seat on my blue fabric couch with perfect posture and grace.I’m not sure how old the baby is, but you’d never know by looking at Helena that she’s had one child, let alone two.“And that’s my oldest, Elise, who just ran past.This sleeping beauty is Ingrid.”
She lifts off the blanket so I can peer inside at one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen, with a rosy-cheeked face and a nearly bald head sporting just a tuft of white-blond hair on the top.
My hand covers my heart.“Oh, what an angel.She’s beautiful.How old?About nine or ten months?”
Helena removes the pacifier from Ingrid’s chest, where it must have popped out of the sleeping baby’s mouth, and loops her finger through the ring.
“Thirteen months next week.Ingrid’s much more chunk than length at this point.”Her laughter is like the sound of carol bells ringing, light and airy.“And Elise is three and a half.”
I sigh, glancing over to where the girls play with Lenni’s dolls, and then return my attention to Ingrid, whom I itch to pick up and snuggle.“I really miss the baby stage sometimes.”
Helena gives me a pointed look, her crystal blue eyes sparkling.“I bet you don’t miss the sleepless nights or dirty diapers though.”
“Touche,” I agree with a smile, sparing a look at the girls.“It’s nice now that Lenni is four and can do a lot of things on her own, like go to the bathroom at home by herself.”
“That’s one of the reasons I waited until Elise was walking and talking before getting pregnant again.”
My gaze falls again to the flat of her stomach and then the gigantic diamond ring on her finger.I’m envious that, as a married mother, she probably had the opportunity to plan out her pregnancies with her partner and decide when to add to their family.
Unlike me, who didn’t have the chance and may never have another opportunity to have another child.That would require a man, which I do not have.
“Oh my gosh, I haven’t even offered you or the girls anything to eat or drink.Can I get you something?Water?Juice?Tea?”
“Vodka?”she says with a breezy laugh.I search her clear blue eyes and determine she’s joking.But I do notice the darkened circles underneath her eyes, an indicator of those sleepless nights I remember so well.
With the season in full swing, and a young baby to boot, Helena likely does most of the parenting without much assistance from her hockey player husband.It increases my level of guilt even more that she was dragged into this huge favor.
When I don’t answer immediately, she reaches out and pats my arm.
“I’m kidding,” she clarifies, lifting an expressive brow.“I’m not much of a drinker anyway, but it’s been one hellish week.The baby is colicky, Elise has been cranky, and the boys go out on the road again tomorrow.Hockey season is exhausting with two littles.”
I want to agree with her but honestly, life is always exhausting as a single mom with no one but myself to rely on.
“I hear ya.”
It’s the reason I don’t want to rely on Dane to help me out.While I am so grateful for his help these last few days, he won’t always be around.He could be here one day and gone the next.
Isn’t that the sort of guy he is?Quick to leave and not look back?
“I can only imagine the chaos his schedule causes.I hope you at least have some nanny coverage to help?”I ask, moving into the kitchen connected to the living room.It’s an open concept, which I love, because I can easily keep an eye on Lenni while cooking and preparing meals.
The baby starts to fuss, and I watch Helena soothe her with a soft coo, inserting the pacifier back in Ingrid’s mouth.
