He took her hand and placed it on his thigh. Briefly, she wondered if sitting this close was a mistake. Rowan could feel heat and muscle through the thin joggers. It was hard to not dig her fingers in.
“Ineedto talk because Ineedyou. But do Iwantto? No.”
Honesty. That was a good start. “Hugh, I’ve always wondered—” she stopped mid-sentence. No wonder Hugh was struggling. Rowan opened up with her sisters all the time, but even between the three of them, there were some topics they avoided.
“Wondered what?”
Hugh probably hoped by getting Rowan to talk, there would be less limelight on himself—but…she did want to know. “I wondered if those times we, umm, watched each other, if you wanted me…before then. When did you start wanting me in a sexual way, I mean?” Rowan’s face was beet red, and if the flexing of Hugh’s leg muscles was any indication, he was discomfited as well.
“The day we met at Triskelion in Eufaula. The moment I saw you walk down the stairs. You were in that pretty yellow dress you love so much. I could only see you, never Raven or River. You.” Hugh smiled, probably remembering the moment. “There was also the conversation I’d overheard between you and your sisters before you came down. Apparently, you weren’t wearing any panties. Sitting so close to you at breakfast was uncomfortable because I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what I’d see if I lifted your dress.”
Well, that was…unexpected. And a total turn-on. “So, why then, Hugh? Was it truly all about our ages?”
Hugh absently placedhis hand over Rowan’s, tracing her fingers while he tried to find the right way to explain. “It was all about our age. Or I thought it was,” he admitted. “I don’t like that I’m so much older. I fear that you would come to regret tying yourself to me. That one day, you would only see an old man, and you would still be young and beautiful.
“And knowing you and your family, I knew you would never leave me because your honor and loyalty wouldn’t let you. I just…I couldn’t let you ruin your life.”
Hugh watched Rowan’s face carefully—watched as she let his truth settle. Speaking that out loud to Rowan made him realize that his initial feelings and reasons for keeping his distance were still very much valid. Maybe she’d never considered thelong-term ramifications but now that he’d just painted a pretty good picture of what that would look like, shemustbe less enthusiastic about getting involved.
He took his hand from hers and crossed his arms over his chest. This whole night was a bad idea. Letting himself think the age issue was surmountable had been a big mistake.
“Oh no, you don’t, Hugh,” Rowan declared angrily. “You don’t get to say your piece and then shut down again. You don’t get to say you want me and shove me away.”
She scooted closer to Hugh and shocked the hell out of him when she straddled his lap. She was so tiny compared to him that her knees couldn’t reach the cushion. She poked his chest in her anger and continued her tirade.
“You told me your reason about our ages. Great, you got that off your chest. Why you couldn’t have spoken to me months ago about your fears, I’ll never understand.” Hugh placed his hands on her hips. Having his obsession sitting on his lap was distracting the hell out of him.
“Had you talked it out with me, I would have told you that your concerns were noted, but they weren’t my concerns. So, we could have moved on!”
Rowan was panting, she was so pissed. She was gorgeous in any mood, but angry Rowan might be her most stunning look, and since he pissed her off so often, he enjoyed it quite a bit.
“I did believe that you wanted me, Rowan, but I also believed you’d never studied all the ramifications of dating a man so much older. It has destroyed me to push you away, but if you look at all the cons, I think you’ll change your mind. I won’t deny I want you, but I struggle with the tomorrows, not the right nows.”
“I would always be here for the tomorrows.” Rowan looked defeated as if Hugh was being unfair.
Rowan’s words were very similar to his mother’s. Mom didn’t think Hugh was giving Rowan enough credit to know her own mind. Still…“My concerns are valid whether you admit it or not,” Hugh cleared his gravelly voice. Rowan shifted her legs, finding a more comfortable position. Her ‘comfortable’ meant that her sex was very close to Hugh’s, and his concentration was unraveling.
“I’m done talking about your age drama. What’s the other reason? You mentioned that you thought age was the only reason.”
Age drama. Rowan had been spending way too much time with that old dragon, Diana Gaines. Everyone in the damn family knew how he felt about the age gap between him and Rowan. That was hard enough to talk about—the other reason…the other made him look weak. Hugh O’Faolain didn’t do weak.
Rowan placed her hands on either side of Hugh’s jaw before combing her fingers through his beard, which reached to his chest. Was Rowan into beards? That fucking William didn’t have one. Her massaging fingers felt so good. It was reflex to tug Rowan closer. She sighed, allowing the move.
“This is off-topic, and don’t worry, we’ll get back on track, but I’ve wondered for weeks why you shaved off all your pretty hair.” Rowan moved her fingers from his beard to massage and scratch her nails over his buzz cut. It was Hugh’s turn to sigh. There surely wasn’t a human alive that didn’t like a scalp massage.
Hugh huffed out a laugh. “Something different. No great reason. Do you like it?”
“Asking for compliments, Mr. O’Faolain?” She grinned. Her dimples made him want to kiss her cheeks—before he took her mouth. “You’re handsome no matter what style you choose.”
“I’ve thought about shaving my beard. I’ve had it for years, and you never know, I could be hideous once all that hair isgone.” Rowan’s wide-eyed shock amused Hugh immensely. She liked his beard then.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing you without it someday, but don’t you dare shave it yet. You’ve never kissed me, and I’ve had too many fantasies about how it would feel against my skin.”
Hugh leaned toward Rowan, his hands fisting her waist. “I could show you now,” he whispered against her lips.
Rowan reared back. “Oh, no. We are talking. Only talking.”
“For now?” Hugh needed clarification.
